The Dark Hole Of Depression

As I try to climb out of this hole I dug,                                                                                                                             

I am pulled in by a force unknown                                                                                                                                   

and thrown into the vast expanse                                                                                                                                          

known as the universe.                                                                                                                                                      

As I wonder;                                                                                                                                                              

if my feet will ever touch the ground                                                                                                                              

or if my hair will feel the wind;                                                                                                                           

I am hurled right back in.                                                                                                                                      

The suffocation I feel is toxic;                                                                                                                   

maybe it’s the scorching heat                                                                                                                     

or maybe it’s the piercing cold water,                                                                                                            

the paradox is what makes me laugh.                                                                                                                                                 

I am sinking to the bottom                                                                                                                                          

so I flail about;                                                                                                                                                             

I can barely see the sun.                                                                                                                                    

The paradox is not funny anymore.                                                                                                                                                     

I try to regain composure,                                                                                                                                         

I fight with all my strength,                                                                                                                                         

and try to reach the shore.                                                                                                                                       

I don't question my presence here,                                                                                                           

I go with the flow.                                                                                                                                                     

Maybe I am fighting hard,                                                                                                                                         

maybe I am strong,                                                                                                                                                        

maybe just maybe;                                                                                                                                               

there is the tiniest possibility                                                                                                                

that I am enough.                                                                                                                                                                     

Now, I see people around.                                                                                                                                                               

My confidence grows                                                                                                                                                                

my faith rises.                                                                                                                                                      

One by one they reach the shore                                                                                                                                      

and crawl out of the water.                                                                                                                                   

I have hope anew.                                                                                                                                                                  

But I make a mistake                                                                                                                                            

I blink and I see a change.                                                                                                                                                           

It's loud and noisy                                                                                                                                                       

I cannot take it any longer.                                                                                                                                 

I scream for it to stop.                                                                                                                                                  

No, I beg for it.                                                                                                                                                                  

And I close my eyes for a second,                                                                                                                                         

just for a second.                                                                                                                                                    

The noise stops,                                                                                                                                                          

and I open my eyes                                                                                                                                       

The crowd has vanished,                                                                                                                                                           

so has the shore.                                                                                                                                             

I am back in the middle of the ocean.                                                                                                                                             

I am back in the unknown.                                                                                                                                                         

I am back in that black hole.                                                                                                                                        

And in that moment,                                                                                                                                                    

that tiny moment,                                                                                                                              

before I get flung into outer space                                                                                                                                      

or thrown into that terrible hole,                                                                                                                                                         

I forget how to breathe.