The Slow Poison

Staring at her reflection in the beaded mirror, stood Neeraja pinching and pricking the acne that covered her cheeks like a constellation of stars. Blood oozed out from one of the punctured acne and she let it dribble. Staring at her reflection intently, she caressed her face. Her skin was stretched and magnified like she was going to dissect it and rip the cells apart. Tears filled her almond shaped eyes. Through her clouded eyes, she saw another reflection behind hers. Her skin was clear like the morning sky. Her face glowed like the warm sun. Her smile was enchanting like the rose petals. She was nothing like Neeraja. She was above and beyond her. That familiar reflection triggered the emotions that Neeraja had locked in the nook of her heart. But it found its way out and crept to her mind. The reflection smirked or so she felt. She picked up the vase that lay on the table and smashed it against the mirror. The mirror broke into a million shards and formed an abstract art on the floor. She bent and looked at her distorted image. The other reflection was gone. She sat seething in anger. She hated her. She detested everything about Maya. Her attractive countenance, her empathetic and friendly nature, her intellect and the attention she received for it. Everyone at school went gung ho over Maya. 

Under the disguise of hating Maya, Neeraja hated herself. She hated her short and curly hair. She hated her shortcomings. Every ounce of energy within her was used to grumble about the things she didn't have. Eventually, the word gratitude vanished from her life. She complained and whined all day. Living a discontent life pushed her down the rabbit hole of distress and apathy. She lived day after day burning in the fierce flame of envy, oblivious to the harm she was doing to herself. The door opened and the sight of her mother made those tiny drops cascade down her cheeks. Her mother walked towards her and with every step she took, the red drops on the floor became clearer. She bent and touched Neeraja's feet. A piece of glass lay embedded in Neerajas's skin. She winced as her mother tried to retrieve it. Her mother felt like a thousand dart pins pierced her heart. A knot formed in her chest as she watched her daughter suffer. 

After tending to her wound, her mother guided her to the bed and made her sit by her side. The emotions churning in her mother's heart receded with time and the reality sunk in. Her teen daughter had reacted impulsively. Her anger lead to hurt. Both physical and emotional. The bitter reality had to be dealt with. "What is bothering you Neeraja?" asked her mother while gently stroking her hair. Neeraja stared at her blankly without speaking a word. Her mother held her hand and smiled assuringly. After a few minutes, Neeraja spoke, "Maa, I saw Maya's reflection. Or maybe I imagined her. She was so beautiful. She was perfect. Everything about her was perfect Maa. She was everything that I'm not." Silence interspersed with faint tears ensued. 

A sigh escaped her mother's lips. Neeraja, her princess was trapped in the maze of jealousy. That green eyed monster would eat her alive. It would rob her off her happiness and peace. She needed help. Her mother stood up and walked to the cabinet. She reached for a pocket mirror and gave it to Neeraja. "I hate mirrors," Neeraja retorted. Her mother held the mirror before her and said, "Look at the mirror." The sudden sternness in her voice, made Neeraja comply. Looking straight into her eyes, her mother spoke, "You are beyond what you see in this inanimate object. Your soul and heart is what matters. Feed your soul with positive thoughts. Envy and comparison will eat away every cell in your being. It does more damage than cancer. Don't let your mind rot with envy. Maya is unique and beautiful. So are you. You can get rid of these acne by making a few lifestyle changes but uprooting jealousy is a tough task. You are so consumed with thoughts about Maya that you have stopped counting your blessings." 

Ignoring Neeraja's sniffles and her face that turned red, her mother continued, "Every night before you go to bed, take some time and write all the good things that happened during the day that you are thankful for. Write positive affirmations. It will help you stay optimistic and hopeful. Maya is not your yardstick. Try to be better than what you were the previous day. Take baby steps towards improving yourself every single day. You will soon master the art of contentment." She hugged Neeraja and patted her. "We love you. Be happy," she said and left the room letting Neeraja spend some time in contemplation. 

One month passed. Neeraja walked into her room and placed her bag on the bed. She wiped the sweat beads that danced on her brow. Her face glowed post workout. She smiled for the first time in months. The positive affirmations written and pasted on the wall, instilled faith and confidence in her. The gratitude journal helped her change for the better. She was a better person. She loved herself and was thankful for the gift she was bestowed with, her life. Occasionally the green eyed monster lifted its ugly head and crept into her mind, but the queen "self-awareness" wielded her sword and put the monster to rest. There were many hurdles to cross and great heights needed to be scaled. But she would take one step at a time. She would deal with it one day at a time.