Still can't hate you

Imperial hospital : 8 :30 am

Sister Rose : All the best.

Jai Prakash : Thanks dear.

Brother Arjun : Sir ready for the surgery? .

Jai Prakash : Yes of course.

Roshni : Dad ....

Jai : what happen to you .why are you sad ?.

Roshni : No  I am not .

Jai : But you look so ! .

Sister Rose: Mrs Bina you have to sign the consent form.

Bina  : With shaking hands . I  just ruin my signature.

Sister Rose :   Don't worry mam .It's alright.

Mam  you have to come with us with all pet scan reports and x rays ,

sir please lay on bed .We will take you to the operation theatre.

Bina : Roshni  stay there .I will be back.

 

 Lift opens to second floor operation theatre

Bina : Don't worry I am here.

Jai holding my hands said I know, he smiled.

I could feel what is going inside him.

I give him a hug and cried out.

We need   you ,  you have to fight this.

They  took him and I was screaming from inside , I can't live without him.

Sister   : (pats on my shoulder) he will be back soon. Madam  can you please go to the guard sitting

Beside .You can't stay here ,and please pen your number on register ,so that we can call you if needed

Bina : sure.

I write  the number and waited for some time .

Surgeon : Mrs prakash, we are ready and we will try our best.

Surgeon to Sister: Have you taken him to the obervation room.

Sister : Yes sir.

Surgeon: Mrs prakash ,we will have a 4hr's surgery ,and then we will keep him in the ICU

for  some time.

Sister  : Now you can wait in your room . We will call you if needed .I am sorry you can't stay here.

Bina : Sure.

Bina : I went back to the room .Sobbing like anything

Roshni was sitting quietly, like a sculpture.

I sat beside her and hugged her tightly.

"I am sorry dear"

Roshni : But why ? It's not your fault.

This can happen to anyone.

She had her hands on my face , and she wipe out my tears.

and  said "I love you both". Please don't cry.You have to be strong.You have to support him.

You are only who can make him believe that he can fight it , and win the biggest obstacle of his life.

Bina : I could not realize when you grow so matured.

I have not given you a life you deserve .

Roshni   : Oh! come on mom.

And she hugged me again.

Knock   Knock .

Sister Rose : Madam.

Bina : Is everything all right ? ,I  checked my phone immediately .There was no call .

I asked her  " If she had any call from the desk of operation theatre.

Sister Rose: No madam .  It's not  that . You have to leave the room or you have to pay extra charges fo r room .

As per rules ,we are already charging you for the operation theatre .

Bina : Ok ,we are going to the waiting room ,Roshni fetch those bags and give me the bigger one.

  

Waiting room

Bina : Roshni sit here and I put bags and other stuff near the chairs.

Everyone was looking at us strangely. Roshni pulled me to the chair , and whispered "mom 

you are looking so lethargic and dull, your hair are unkempt" .

Oh!  Now I can make out what's wrong .

"Never mind dear" .

I sat beside her and lay my head on wall .It was cold ." the air conditon is too much".

 I just glance at the old man sitting opposite to me in a parallel row .

I could make out , he was dull and weak .

He uttered out "my wife " for two year we are here .We are from lucknow .Its very difficult to travel in every 15 days .And it is still going on ..

He opened his bag and showed me her picture

Bina : She is beautiful .

He said "Meera" she is everything to me .But she is not as beautiful as your daughter.

I appreciated him with a nodding  gesture.

He said now I will take your leave . She is here at the counter.

I think out "how hard life can be" .It is more difficult to see your loved one in pain

Than  you   do.

 

A few weeks back, my life was not good but at least my family was safe and sound.

Since we married I don’t had a single day without   stuggle . Fighting for my selfesteem.

Jai  had always been an arrongant and Forceful man  to me.

The only  happy  moment in my life was when  Roshni was born .

She is a doll . From childhood she has been a supporting hand for me .

I  feel  so bad that she had grown up seeing us fighting . Jai shouting at me badly .

And  on some  worst days even when he was beating me up insanely.

I remembered she asked a question once.

"Is he a beast "

I said he was not in his senses . In his anger he did all this, otherwise he is nice person,

Usually he has to come late home "drunk" .If I argue "He was again ready to though all his frustration on me".

It had become a routine for me .

Some days a felt bad that Roshni don't see him as her hero, but misbehaving jerk with her mother.

Roshni had been a calm and understanding kid.

Jai was a chronic alcoholic for years .I told him many times to stop drinking. But he was a stubborn.

One day it had reached at the peak . Roshni told him " You have to behave like human

so that I can call you dad".

I felt bad and happy for same time bad for him and happy as she took a stand for me .

Which I should have done for myself.

I was always an introvert and unconfident woman.

 

From the previous month he was saying that he was not feeling well, he stopped drinking

I thought now everything gonna be alright "May be he may have a stomach issue".

We went to a gastroenterologist , she suggested a endoscopy ,then

She asked for a pet scan .I could feel something fishy.

on the same day she confirmed us

that Jai has been diagnosed with cancer on the Right Colon .

My dreams were shattered listening to this .

He has changed now but "Its too late".

When my life was about to settle down.

It took everything back from me.

Doctor suggested to have a surgery before they start up with Chemo cycles.

 

Present day

 

Every  second appears to me" like an hour" .

Worlds worst thing is " To wait".

My heart beats were going faster .

And finally at 12:30 .We ran to the second floor waiting for him .

 After some time doctor came out , he said they had a successful operation .It was a 4 cm

Long   tumor ,he is fine now ,but we need to treat him with Chemo therapy .

I took a deep breath . I was making up my mind "I will fix everything .I will not let my

Family shattered like this".

And the operation theatre’s door opened up , and he was there but  unconscious .

Sister said “we are taking him to the ICU”.

After few hour of observation we will shift him into the ward.

Next day after the surgery.

Bina : Jai ,you are in the ward now.

He mumered out : bina !

 I said "yes" , he was looking at me ,his abdomen was aching.

He cried out " I am not a good husband nor a good father".

Bina : I know but "still can't hate you "and hold his hand tightly.

Roshni  was looking at us with her numb eyes . she was crying but had a smile on her face.

and said "Dad you have to follow the Doctor now ,ok .

Jai smiled at her softly.

I can feel that we will have a difficult time now .But "It does not matters".

When  we all are together and "That's life! .Every family has issues but we should feel blessed that we have a family".

Jai looked at me and asked " Will you ever forgive me ,for what I have done to you".

Bina : Sobbing "If you really feel guilty " then only you can curb out this.

tackle "this bloody cancer " and come up as a man who believes in himself.

Be a father to father , which Roshni has never from her childhood.

and he added " and a husband too , that you deserve .

Bina : " you need rest . But remember. I will be there for you . Whatever the situation is " Jai .

Jai : You are much confident woman now. I am proud of you.

" Still can't hate you.."