Social Anxiety-My Weakness...

On my sister's persuasion, I entered a counsellor's room with a hell lot of fear running through my veins, hands trembling in anxiety and a pale face! When the counsellor greeted me, I failed to greet her back as my voice was all choked up and she saw to it, asking me to relax. I got even more scared that she would judge me negatively. What I saw on her face was completely different from what I was thinking. She seemed okay with me not replying back. She asked me to take my time and inform her when she was ready to go ahead with the conversation. Her comforting words made me calm down and I without even stopping for a moment started explaining my whole story filled with suffering. I said, " First of all I wasn't ready to come to you, but when my sister forcefully asked me to, I came gathering all my courage. "

I continued," initially I was a normal child who was outgoing and had many good friends. However, when I entered grade 8, one day, my classmate, whom I hated due to her dominating behaviour, asked me to do her homework rudely as if I was her slave. I denied politely. From that day onwards, she started teasing me with a guy's name, ate my tiffin box, tore my books, insulted me in front of the whole class and squeezed my private parts harshly in the washroom. I couldn't say a word as she was the principal's daughter. It was her warning that made me keep my mouth shut and silently suffer through all the emotional, mental and physical damage that she was doing to me!

I continuously thought about all this and became restless as well as very conscious about my body. I started believing whatever she said about me that I was ugly, diffident, and a nerd was all true. ALL ARE JUDGING ME! I AM AN IDIOT AND GOOD FOR NOTHING! all of these became my dominant thoughts. I separated myself from people, avoided going to school, stopped attending social gatherings, locking myself in a room, just crying and hated myself.

The counsellor offered me a glass of water and assured me that I will be normal soon, as she would counsel me and shall find a way out!