Rekindled12 mins 194 12 mins 194
12 July, 07:00 PM
I don’t know how to tell my parents that I’ve failed these trials too. I mean I am getting there slowly, but who cares anyways? 10 minutes of music and then I will have to listen to them again for an hour or so. Why do we have to fight for everything that we love? Why don’t they see that I cannot be happy doing anything else with my life except play football? I guess just as I don’t understand them, they won’t understand me as well. Huh! I hope we don’t fight again. I feel so hungry.
13 July, 12:00 PM
Why does Lakshay not understand that I don’t want to go to this stupid reunion? Last week I already told him how my life is on a downwards slope…….. Is he planning to make it much worse? I know what’s gonna happen anyways. These suckers will first casually show off their high salary jobs by suggesting the most expensive place nearby. Then they will try to impress the girls, if any of them come, and will happily think back on their way home about how everything is in their hands and how good life is. Girls on the other hand, will flirt to their extent with whichever boy they find suitable, show off their fashionable dresses and chill. Well for me, I don’t even want to see Lakshay. How can I then go and engage myself in the melodrama? I’ve already said no to him, and if he calls more than two times, that means I will have to switch off my phone. Anyways, let’s continue reading what Mr. Chinua Achebe has to tell…………………………………………………..
13 July, 3:00 PM
Ok! So far so good. The day is going well. No calls, no messages, no distractions. Gym session in the morning was good. The book is almost complete. No arguments at home. Now all I have to do is practice at the academy. Let’s do this. I’m in a good shape and I feel confident about cracking the August trials.
13 July, 8:00 PM
Oh shit!! 15 missed calls…. I hope everything is fine at home.
Oh man. What the fuck is wrong with Lakshay. Why is he so hell bent on this bloody reunion? Anyways, Can’t talk after a bad day at practice…….. I’m surprised on the numerous chances I missed today. The coach didn’t look content at all. Why is life so bad? Can’t let this self-doubt win. I hope there’s something good to eat at home.
13 July, 9:00 PM
Now this is just crossing the limits. How could he possibly call mom? And to add to the drama, the guy asks for a reply by 10:00 PM. Mom said that he sounded down, and also told that he wouldn’t be going if I won’t come.
On second thoughts, he seems to be really excited for this. Well I wouldn’t want to be the one to break his heart though. After all, he is one of my few remaining friends. Moreover, one sad boy is better than two! Well, I have all the night to prepare for the torture I will have to endure tomorrow, as I can bet Lakshay will be out of contact the moment we all meet. I know him since when we were in 3rd. One clever son of a fish.
Oh! Almost forgot to finish the book.
14th July, 9:00 AM
This guy is unbelievable! We decided to meet at 9 and he hasn’t even taken a shit yet. Didn’t bring any book with me. I will have to listen to music for an hour or so. Anyways, if you haven’t been paying attention, the torture has already begun.
I don’t know what went wrong and how, but for me, this just doesn’t feel right. He shattered all my dreams through a single message. How mean. It has been 3 days and he hasn’t even unblocked me. Did these six years mean nothing to him? And keeping this relationship apart, aren’t we friends too? No matter how much I try to keep my mind away from him, I simply can’t. I can’t even focus well on my projects and a client has also stopped contacting me. I’m not that good at managing things when I’m hurt so bad. All the moments we spent together have started looking fake to me. Was he not really into the relationship from the beginning? Did I fall for the wrong guy? I guess I was too blind in love. He could have at least told me the reason why he broke up with me. Maybe I would have been content with the reason. Six bloody years. I remember how crazily I used to tell others about him, all his charming qualities. We were so close that people too started taking the two of us as one. I don’t even remember one thing which I had done that had made him angry.
How can I carry on with life pretending like nothing has happened? It’s been 10 days since we broke up and not a single message from his side. I don’t want to call him from another number even though I wish we could meet at least once. I hope he is alright. That’s all I can hope right now. It’s been really difficult for me. Sometimes my life looks black and white, and days pass like seconds. Sometimes each minute brings back so many flashbacks that it looks like months have passed since we last met. I seriously don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I can love anymore. I have lost it all.
Somehow I complete my projects…….. I used to write articles and blogs like it was nothing. But now, I have to drag my brain and extract whatever’s left in it and turn it into words. Deep inside, I feel like quitting this whole “freelance content writing” thing. But then I will have to go live with my parents and do things on their terms. I feel like quitting life. What’s left to live for? I am happy of the life I’ve had till now, but it has started to become hell for me. Recently, I have also started being angry at everything. I am Lost.
Adapting to this hell is really hard. Sometimes I forget where I am, what I am doing and go into a limbo. Sleepless nights and endless days make up for my life. The other day, Pooja, an old friend came to play catch up. She looked shocked too. I guess he wasn’t as good as I thought he is. Shouldn’t talk about him as it triggers many things. She said I looked very thin and pale. It doesn’t really matter. Sooner or later, we all end up the same way. I feel sad for her as she tried really hard to cheer me up. I hope she doesn’t hate me for my numb behavior. Even though I am not in a state to do anything at all, after 5 minutes or so, just to end the arguing and control my anger, I said yes to her for the school reunion. She even said it would cheer me up, but how can she think that anything can cheer me up? I am a good for nothing. I don’t remember the date of the reunion. Maybe she didn’t tell me. Anyways, it will come and go, just like everything else. The only thing that is permanent in my life is darkness.
The Day of Reunion
Pooja is here two hours early. Deep inside, I can relate why she feels so excited. We all are meeting after a long time. She also knows that I wasn’t going to get dressed and has come to put some enthusiasm and fashion sense back into me. We will be leaving in a bit and she is talking about how we all used to have so much fun back in school. After hearing these things, I put on a fake smile to my face, and seeing her reaction, I believe it has hidden my numbness from reaching out to her.
A Duet with Nostalgia
The sun was up and the restaurant was brimming with sunlight coming through the glass door. The chairs, tables, and menu charts were shining with enthusiasm. Except two tables, the restaurant was empty. It wasn’t noon yet, so many customers weren’t expected anyways. The theme of July was that of love, and the staff had beautifully decorated the insides with heart shaped cut outs, cheesy lines from movies and pink coloured themes. The music was soft and pleasing to hear. The theme was meant to ease out the people coming from the scorching heat and chill for as long as they wanted to. The restaurant was the most expensive around, so the feel of the place had to be exactly right to justify the heavy prices flooding the menu.
The door opened up and remained so for around a minute. Around 25 people entered and the place was suddenly filled with high and low voices, masculine and feminine laughs, and enlightened faces. A waiter quickly asked if the bunch would like to join tables or not, and, within a minute, all the people were seated together in a dining styled setup. The day had just begun and yet the restaurant was full of warmth and chit chat. The people were lively and every now and then a loud laughter would collide with the ceiling, resonate with the walls, and fade away slowly. Slowly, the urbanized audience feeds on the European dishes and continues the fancy talks, remembering the good old days of freedom and joy. As the morning mist hides the shining droplets on the grass, the boisterous mood of the audience makes for a perfect cover for Raizwan and Milan, who aren’t really having a good time. It is after an hour or so that Milan realizes that only Raizwan, the boy sitting next to her, has spoken even less than her. She remembers how he used to be so full of energy in the school days. They never really talked in school, and she starts thinking why is he not talking at all.
As the clock ticks and the audience scatters, some going for the washroom, some to order again, and some to smoke, only Raizwan, Milan, and two other girls remain on the table. The two girls are chatting amongst themselves and since Milan has been thinking about asking whether everything’s alright with Raizwan, she is shocked as Raizwan speaks first.
“I believe you too aren’t much interested in the reunion.” It was as if he read her mind right away. Taken aback by the question, she replies without thinking much.
“It’s not that I don’t want to catch up with old friends, it’s just that it doesn’t feel like the right time.”
Raizwan hears, tries to understand, and replies.
“Um, nothing, it’s just that I am going through a bad time myself.”
“Ok, why don’t you tell me about it?”
“I will tell if you really wanna know, but if you also tell me why you’re so sad as well.”
“Hey, I want to know, but I don’t think I should be sharing my problems.”
“Well, I feel the same.”
A shower of silence amidst the cloud of vibrant noises. Even though Raizwan and Milan feel like they have found someone who really wants to listen to them, both remain engaged in their own chain of thoughts, searching for the right answers to the question, which they were too afraid to ask to themselves. Meanwhile, Lakshay steps back into the restaurant and jumps right back into the assembled tables, “Rayz, we are planning to see a movie, shall I count you in?” Raizwan looks deep into the eyes of Lakshay, knowing that he already knows the answer, meanwhile thinking, “How typical. He is surely thinking I am making a move on her, forgetting that I didn’t even want to come here. So, what does he do? Decides to bump right in and spoil the convo. Not that it was going anywhere. When will he grow up?”
Raizwan stands up and says, “Don’t know.” Both of them walk out towards the boys group, meanwhile the girls remain inside the restaurant. From there, the boys, except Raizwan decide to go to the cinema and the girls plan to chill at the city square. Milan says she has to work and cuts off from the rest. Back on his way home, Raizwan thinks how strange the day was. Ironically, he talked most with the girl he knew the least. Even though they were in the same class for four years; he never really talked to her. All the moments of his high school that he had relived thousands of time in his memories seem to change now, as he began to picture most of them with Milan somewhere in the background, engaged in a world of her own. He started seeing her not as just a side character in his school stories, but as a protagonist, with a story of her own. The one and a half hour bus journey back home ended just like that. He even forgot to curse the temperature or the stuffed up crowd of the bus. “Amazing”
For the first time since she didn’t remember when, Milan didn’t think about her breakup for more than two hours. Back to her home which wasn’t too far, she took a quick shower and sat up to read Virginia Woolf, without any success. She was really confused as she had no idea why her mind suddenly became so calm. For some reason, it felt like she could really let go of all the sadness inside her. Right then, she opened up the school yearbook and realized how for the previous two months she had forgotten about the far-off past, where she used to be so happy and cheerful. She opened her diary and wrote,
“So weak is the mind,
Which upon drops of few miseries,
Let’s go of the ocean of good memories.”
The next day, they exchanged messages, both wanting to see each other soon. Meeting at an 18th century fort, discussing each other’s agonies, they realized that they didn’t even want to discuss it and felt like it was already over. The burden really begins to shrink when you have someone to share it with. With a mutual urge to move forward in life, they let go of the problems of our past and future, deciding to live in the present. Even though both had feelings for each other, they went back to their home as friends, both ready to step again into their own stories, ready to face anything that may come with a renewed passion and energy.