Commitment With My Past
Commitment With My Past7 mins 9.4K 7 mins 9.4K
"Finally I got that precious Album Meera look here you are, the 22 years old Meera Kulkarni, in her last DST College camp." My mother handed that album and went to kitchen. It's hardly took a minute to go back in your past(even though people says past and people not in your control)and if your life isn't exactly where you want it, it's too easy to see what's missing, and remember that time.
I usually used to spend my summer vacations at my grandma's place in Konkan but after my Engineering I had to visit to Training Camp in Pune for that summer vacation along with my College professor and five other fellows from same college. On the Entrance everyone was busy collecting the passes of hostel and suddenly I started hiccoughing(probably my mother was missing me), someone from behind offer me water bottle - someone with his curly hair (which probably he didn't comb for last one week),chocolaty skin, shabby loose clothes and most importantly Expressive eyes which were getting protected by his dark black spectacles. Everyone getting fascinated towards him and watching him twice...not because of him because of his... Doggy.
"Who brings Dogs in Camp? Can't you understand the seriousness of the camp?" I asked him quite angrily.
'I understand the seriousness but I do understand the responsibility towards my Doggy. Bringing pets home is a serious decision and lifelong commitment.' He replied.
"Every time you react like this on first impression?" He asked.
"No...It just that. Today is Monday. " I replied.
He smiled and said Okay.
I felt something in his eyes which I never felt before, I was completely calm. We started walking at opposite side of the road staring each other and pretending completely ignoring each other as my mother had already informed me to avoid strangers. I went to hostel where already two of my friends waiting for me. In night professor called us to go to bed as by next day we had our sessions. That call actually brought my mind in present which I had completely lost with Mr. stranger's words.
The next day my eyes were searching him as if they had already set the fix programming to what to search now in such a huge session hall but my fortunate or unfortunate - I couldn't able to find him. Professor started his session and I forgot him till the end of the session. Once the introduction session began the alarm rang in my head with his thoughts. In the middle of the introduction session I heard that mature voice again-
"Aarav, from Shillong." He introduced himself with faceless expressions.
After the session I wanted to meet him but couldn't manage to because my professor and other fellows were so busy clicking pictures of entire group(probably with a hope to see those faces in next year college magazine) all over the campus and not allowing me to leave for a minute so I made up my mind to write a note for him in night. I think at one point in life we start doing the things we most afraid of doing.
I couldn't able to concentrate on my project ...I never knew such upheaval. After getting as usual reminder call from professor to go to bed early as we had session next morning; I started my note with the only reason I could probably gave him on note was- I don't know why I'm writing this note to you, but I want to know more about you. I couldn't stop thinking about you ; the more I try to suppress, the faster I emerge. I kept that note in garden where he used to roam till late night with his Doggy. How could I tell my feelings to the person about whom I knew nothing more than his name and native place?
In the next morning session we smiled looking at each other and he sat next to me, So have you written that note?" He asked me confidently.
"I nodded yes." (with the pleasure I never felt before for a stranger.)
"What do want to be, Meera?" He asked me.
(I got lost again by his question because I thought he probably didn't even know my name.)
"Software Engineer and You?" I replied.
"Researcher. " He replied, and then after there was silence. His answer create the void in my heart and again reality crashed the imagination. I didn't said anything after that even though I loved to talk but I noticed he was noticing me the entire session. That was the last day of training camp and even the last day with him. That night I didn't got any call from professor as the next day we supposed not to wake up early but I was awake whole night- encapsulating my love with tears. It required strong heart to dilute the hurt in yourself and people says if your tears fall in front of them you're not strong enough.(which I never believe)
In the next morning I got- an unexpected note at my doorstep from Mr. Stranger with his Doggy. To You..Keeping Suzzu for you. Hope you love her the way I do...With love...Aarav. I was totally confused but those two sparkling eyes were looking at me with hope. Fairly or Unfairly everyone was taking my side and advised me not to take Suzzu home and to save her...but later on I understand actually it was not me who had saved Suzzu...It was she who saved me. She brings the good in me. She given me purpose- someone to take care of. I completely fall in love with her. I returned home along with Suzzu and I found my mother was all time busy managing our old hotel to run the house. For no surprised my mother asked me hundreds of questions about Suzzu and I had only one answer - because, "This Doggy wanted to come along with me." I had no idea how to train a Dog but I loved her. All of those years I offer her homemade food instead of Expensive Dog food; but she never showed a dislike. I haven't forgotten Aarav and he didn't left me alone. My love was unconditional but we had settled our karmic account there. I often wanted to visit Shillong but in my dreams I meet him asking the same questions again and again, where were you all these years? Why you left Suzzu at my door? Perhaps he got married, perhaps he got settled in some other geography for research or perhaps he got died ;but till today he is always being the living thing with me in my memory.
I didn’t think I would ever fall in love again. I know that everyone says that after a heartbreak, but the difference is that I’m not heartbroken. I’m not cynical, or pessimistic, or sad. I’m just someone who once felt something bigger than anything else I’d ever felt and when I lost it, I honestly believed I would never have that again. But... I was 22 then and life is long. And I’m feeling things right now that I haven’t in a long, long time.
That camp began and end with - Love. Ever since every summers brings monsoon in my life. Does love really hurt? If yes, then surely I wouldn't be able to fall in love again ,Time heals?...No...only Love heals. In all of these year people kept asking me, "Why are you single?" and the only answer I had - "Who said I'm single? I'm deeply in love with Suzzu" Choosing Suzzu as my second love after Aarav had bring more happiness in my life than choosing any other guy. Today I can share my feelings with her, I can share the late night road walk along with Suzzu(even couldn't find anyone else better than her),I can have arguments with her, I can cry, laugh, travel and surely spend life with Suzzu and I can always count on her. I thought that life is giving you lessons you better learn from them and shouldn't do that mistake again. But perhaps there aren't any lessons to learn when it's come to love-because love is not a Concept it's a Feeling. It was not the end of my story , it was just the time when he left me with his heart, Suzzu; who love me unconditionally and I can depend on her Love. She even understand my raw feelings and she became my support system in my ups and down. Aarav is still in my heart along with what was in his heart but Suzzu is "Background Song" of my present. I often get hiccups...and my mother says - someone is missing you.(Does he?) It's almost been seven years now, I was 22 and I don't believe that a 22 year old get happy endings... they get beginnings. True love always remains with you...