A no moon night set upon a desert,
The sky peppered with stars
As the wind blew...
Taking along with it the sand that I desperately tried to hold onto -
Through clenched fists.
A still but chilling reverie was all that was left behind.
The smile that I wore widened,
But only to hide the pain and the gaping hole it left behind.
The world as I knew it started to fade away.
You love, you get hurt,
& you can only learn to fly when you fall.
People leave and 'forever' is a naïve lie,
Trust a word that cannot be trusted at all.
When did my tears of laughter transform to those of hidden agony?
When did tiredness take over my soul?
And when did my heart learn that No, you don't always have to be good to everybody,
For then it is your heart that shatters when they don't treat you the same.
When did I grow up so,
To face the harsh lies the world is made up of.
The balloons that I once held in my hand, floating away,
A stark red against the black palette of the night sky that lay behind,
Washed away of all colours, but of those tiny white pinpricks that maybe-
Held within them some scope for hope...
And the hollowness that loss left behind didn't haunt me anymore,
For somehow I knew...
That what was lost could either be replaced, or could not.
But no matter what, couldn't be brought back.
I was not scared anymore,
Of the world that lay beyond, or the people who lived in it,
Though I knew some were far worse than the monsters who lay under my bed,
For at least they wouldn't harm me for as long as I was tucked in tight,
Slipped into a whole new world, a reverie.
I wonder, where did all my innocence go?
When did I adorn all the masks that I wear now...
When did I become so reserved, so quiet...
The child in me alive,
But buried somewhere deep within.