Pieces Of Us

I do not know what to make,

Of this stranger you've left behind, 

And I'd love some clue, for holy heaven's sake;

To the remnant shreds of reason, claws my depraved mind. 

Before you, I'd always relished the epithets of 'unlikeable' and 'grim', 

Scandalizing my prim friends with my colourful expletives filled my heart with joy to the brim.

I'd stare, fascinated, at blades or terraces, wonder if they were sharp or high enough. 

I'd look at others sunbathing, longingly,

but to the mantle of pain enveloping me, 

the sun only seemed excruciatingly rough.

They all sidestepped, veered away from me, 

As though I were a grenade, a personification of Pandora's box, 

And they were petrified of what demons they might unleash 

if they dared unfasten the locks. 

Then you came along, 

And pathetically, desperately, I wanted to change. 

I scoured tonnes of fiction - be it a book, novella or song, 

to know what made a woman worthy of love, and my- I discovered opinions of such varying range! 

Murakami suggested I pull a disappearing act,

And the man would be mine forever, 

While films seemed to swear by the 'manic pixie dream girl trope. 

And you seemed worth those tiny adrenaline rushes, for you alone remembered

That Pandora's box, along with fiends deadly, also housed the spirit of Hope. 

Now you're gone, and I'd have called you a mirage, a hoax,

But there are traces of glitter from your magician's cloak,

Scattered over the abysses of my life. 

There's a twinkle in my eye, that the ominous dark circles fail to hide, 

I'm scared of knives now, I cringe away from their sharper side, 

And when I see heights, I feel this inexplicable urge to fly rather than fall. 

My doomsday-foreshadowing elegies to myself have hopeful undertones, 

oh, how they appal! 

I've smashed mirrors, clawed at my reflection in crystal clear pools, 

And yet, alien bits of me stare back, unblinking, unsympathizing, almost sinister. 

Pandora's box lies wide open,

I can feel Hope peter away, drop by precious drop;

Alas! The other demons within aren't as ephemeral.