Bonfire

Saira's fear starts to take control of her from mere thought of talking to Sunil. She knew it was her last chance. If she couldn't confess it to him today than she might never. Nervously, she peered at the clock on the table. Time has always maintained its walk. As it passes by giving her a leaner body and by carving thin lines across her face, she could only save it as good, bad and ugly moments in her memories. She wished if she could have stopped it at the peak of her happiness, when the world was at her feet. However, it was adamant on moving on into a different direction altogether. In the beginning Saira didn't knew what was about to come her way, but when she learnt about how complicated things have become and how messed up her life was, all she wanted to do was to run away. To her ill luck time wouldn't run, let how desperately she wanted it to. It will walk in its own decided pace and all Saira had to do was to wait for it to join her in the end from where they both can walk together for a new journey again. But this time she has made sure that it is she who would choose her way instead of becoming a victim in the hands of time. And to do that she must talk to Sunil. Sunil deserves to know everything. She feels like it is her duty to make him aware of his feelings. She has no idea how he will react? May be, he may not like it. Or, even may shout at her. But, before leaving she must tell him what he means to her. His life must move on. Saira noticed that her body began to shiver from the thought of facing him. She immediately groped the side of the sofa as if it was her only source of energy. Then as she channels her breath the beating of her heart became distinct to her. Slowly and steadily it was rising inside her. The booming sound suppressed every other noise coming from outside. And when it rose up to the level of deafening her, her mind the center of all the chaos decided to liberate her by taking her to the night from where she never wanted to return.

It was ten years ago,the light of the bonfire lit up her memory. It all started then. Those were sweet old days. Life was carefree and feelings were like kite waiting for wind.

Sunil and Sheinelle were her seniors in college, famously known as the 'love birds'. Where Sheinelle's dusky skin and toned body made her stand out as the sexiest lass of the college. A dent on Sunil's rosy cheeks (deeper in the left one) popularized him as a chocolate hero among girls. "Gosh! I can stare at him all day without blinking my eyes," Saira remembers repeatedly telling it to her friends whenever she saw Sunil. And the way his skin turned into gold in the light of the bonfire still brings sparkle to her eyes.

 It was her seniors final year of college when her class was also invited along with the sophomores to join them for a trip to the Araku valley. When past has just begun to unfold the pages of that beautiful night the sight of the luggage bags of the visitors scattered all over the room with clothes piled up on some of them distracted Saira. She wondered when will they leave so, she can she have her own time and space to talk to Sunil. She peers at the clock again. "I don't have much time," she said to herself.

Sunil hates bonfires. Sitting under a tree looking at the biggest and the brightest one taking a shape of an inferno which has eaten away his happiness he curses his life. He still cannot believe it happened. Why does it had to happen to him...to them? Everything was so perfect up till a few years ago. Life was right out of the imaginary land, no less than a dream. And now everything looks lost. Everything has gone with her.

That night he caught Saira checking him out. He also caught Sheinelle whisper something into her ears and then wink at him. "Was she thinking of another wit or was it the start of a genuine friendship? God knows what was she up to with the new girl?"

Sunil knew Shienella like fish knows the depth of water. The personality which she flaunts outside has proven to be risky sometimes, strangely not for her but, for him. Yet, he loved her. For the world she may be a hard character to figure out but to him she was 'Sheine'. A girl who loved him, cared for him and was very possessive about him. But girls are girls even God who created them fails to understand them. So until his Sheine is happy he is happy too. It was Sheine's idea to invite juniors for their last college trip. She said it would be fun, but with lots of students and unwanted chaos, he wondered how? But if Sheine wants it that way so be it. Sunil knew he was the only hiccup of the plan because rest of the class never had an issue over anything she wished for. They were too mesmerized by her beauty to care for anything else. But, on inside only he knew what Sheine really was. She was his lifeline. His heart beat. And he was proud of her. Suddenly in the flow of sheer emotions he turned to his side and kissed her. And before she could react to what had just happened, he surprised her by asking her to marry him. The crowd inside the bus stunned by the sudden public display of affection pulled a long sigh of awe as they witness the most romantic proposal where the guy slides an imaginary ring into the girl's finger. It is then from somewhere behind someone shouted, "Saira, he is taken, find someone else." Both Sunil and Sheinelle couldn't stop gushing over the comment which also made them curious about knowing the girl. By the time the bus stopped at the Araku valley, Saira became the second most talked about person. To Sunil who had already found a star in Sheine, Saira was just another girl. She had simple looks which she carried off nicely and plain features which he didn't found attractive. At least to him Saira was not the one who he would turn to look back again. Nevertheless, he did, after their game before the bonfire. It was Sheine's idea that they should play it. Why? He never dared to put her happiness at risk with this question. It was just a game and he would play it for his girl. He saw the reflection of bonfire flaring up in Saira's big black eyes that trickled. 'Those eyes,' his heart whispered. She didn't give up and he didn't wanted to. He wished to keep staring at her round face and at her ice peak chin. Her face looked hotter than the heat from fire blazing towards them. He naturally found himself drawn towards her and when it knocked him, he blinked.

Saira and Sheinelle became good friends after the Araku trip, who spent most of their time talking about, boys. From the tallest one in the first year to the shortest one in the MBA batch. From the dark skinned to the girlish-feature-confused-product in the next class, all they ever discussed was boys. From a few with camel walk to those who were extremely shy, the girls would poke a comment at them to have a laugh like never before. Strangely, neither of them ever spoke a word about Sunil. As their friendship flourished Saira became more and more conscious about her new friend. Except being extremely witty sometimes, otherwise, their was nothing else she could point out wrong about Sheinelle. And to how much she have known her she could make out that all the wrong side she shows to the world is a mask to her good qualities. Shienelle is one stupid person who feels embarrassed in flaunting her goodness. Like, Saira had caught her many times talking to those who she makes fun of. She is a very caring person who cares about everyone around her. In her presence no one can ever be friendless. May be that is why no one ever objected her bad behavior. Or, may be it is Sheinella's way of testing Saira, who knows? But since with time their friendship has grown so, Saira from her side didn't wanted to do anything that could create a hitch in between them, even if it came with a cost of staying away from Sunil. Everyone in the college knew that Sunil and Sheinelle loved each other. When sometimes Saira was invited to their group she always felt herself unwanted. Sometimes she felt so jealous that she prayed to God for their immediate break up. And sometimes on seeing their true love all she wished for was a caring partner like Sunil in front of who she can create tantrums and behave like a spoilt brat. And who would laugh on everything she did and would still love her. She was insecure being single and she noticed the changes within her and where her insecurity was taking her.

On the other side, something doesn't seemed right with Sunil after the Valley trip. He began bunking college, often. And whenever he took time out to meet Sheinelle after classes he would always found her with Saira who with mere glimpse of him would run away as if she had seen a ghost.

As per Sheinelle is concerned, in Sunil's absence she began to focus more on her studies and during the free period she would catch up with Saira in the corridor. Meanwhile, she had also become more independent and started taking a bus ride to home. It was Saira who usually accompanied her till the bus stand and made sure her friend got a seat inside the bus before she took a walk to her home. And on one such evening while waiting for the bus, Saira finally managed to ask Sheinelle what she had been thinking for quite a while,

"Did you guys had a fight?"

"No" Sheinelle replied blandly. "I thought you told him what we decided upon, so may be he is upset and not coming to college."

" I didn't. In fact I couldn't. How..how ...can I after knowing that you both are going to marry soon." Saira was angry. Sometimes she fails to understand this typical nature of Sheinella where in the name of challenge she doesn't mind playing with feelings. To her it may be wit but for Saira it was a complete nonsense.

"What's the issue? Confessing feelings is a part of normal human behavior." Sheinella's casualness puffed up Saira's irritation.

"Wow! What kind of girl you are..pushing me to talk to your boyfriend. In fact you should have thrown me out of you life long back instead discussing him with me."

Sheinelle laughed.

" I like when people likes him. He is good.He is cute, isn't he?"

'Some questions are better when left unanswered,' Saira thought, but her long sigh made a clear gesture to Sheinella.

"Honestly speaking Sunil is not my type. I was never interested in him.He is good looking and I am infatuated towards him just like any other girl of the college. That's the end of story from my side." It was suppose to be the truth then why did it hurt her? She wondered.

Sunil was done with the war of feelings inside him. Until a week ago he didn't knew who Saira was. And now it is hard for him to get her out of his mind. Was it just her eyes that he couldn't take his eyes off or whole of hers? How come he didn't notice her when she was there with them. It must be her soberness that must have kept her away from being uncomfortable while he and Sheine were too involved to notice the world around them. And these thoughts infuriated him. Thinking about Saira gave him a feeling as if he was cheating Sheine, which he can never do even in his dreams. Sheine is his life, and 'this' girl who he barely knows is hanging in his head. "She has to get out," he told himself and finally one afternoon he burst out of his shell and began looking for Saira all over in the college. Finally, when he found her in the ladies room on the first floor, he dragged her out by her arms while other girls naturally came outside screaming. Saira could read hatred on his face and he spitted it right away.

"I love Sheinelle," his clenched jaw made her shiver. "You better get this thing straight in your head and don't you dare come near us again." After saying this he pushed her away so hard that she almost banged against the corridor wall.

Saira remembers, how scared she was at that moment. It took two people to help her get up on her feet. And now... she is laughing. Ten years erased a lot of things inside her but sadly it didn't give her strength to confess what she always wanted to. She was afraid that if she ever did she might catch the lie in his eyes. And she began laughing again."Why Sheinelle...why did you do this to me? Where have you gone?" Tears began to roll down from her cheek as she hugs the t-shirt once Sheinelle gifted to her. She hates to know the fact that it was Sunil's and it still smells of her. Memories that ticked with it, of how inseparable they were, still haunts her.

Sunil looks at the dying smoke, it was time to go. But he has made up his mind that if she comes today which he was sure after learning the news she will then he will talk to her. She must be married by now. May be having kids too. But then for the old time sake he must talk to her and apologize to her for his behavior.

Saira looks at the clock again, "it is time to go." she reminds herself. When she came out of the room the sight of people in white clothes brought her to tears again. When Sunil enters the room his face was swollen and eyes were red. He had been crying too much. And why wouldn't he? After all he has lost his beloved wife. Saira clenched the t-shirt tight in her fist and standing in the corner of the drawing room she watches Sunil walk to the other side and sit in the corner all on his own. He looks at the picture on the table and broke down again. People gathered around him to console him. It is then Saira subconsciously fidgeting with the t- shirt in her hand showed some strength and made her way through the crowd and sat next to him.

"I am sorry." She said.

Sunil looked up at her and took her by shock by folding his arms tight around her. And as he pulled her closer the crowd gathered around them scattered apart. He was crying uncontrollable. It was getting difficult for her to handle him. ' Wish Sheinelle was here' she thought and she began to cry too.

That day in the ladies room what Sunil did not notice was that Sheinelle was there too. She was swollen with pride to hear an open confession about his love for her from her boyfriend-cum-fiance. That afternoon after the chaos was over she told Saira, "didn't I tell you at the bonfire night that you can try if you want but he will never leave me."

To which Saira repeatedly maintained the same reply,

" I never wanted to take him away from you, but like rest of the college I am infatuated toward him. That's it. And I have nothing that you have. It is you who pushed me to try. I never wanted to play the bet in the first place."

That day in Sheinelle's arrogance Saira could read jealousy. She understood her love for him. And she accepted that she was the only one made for him. In fact they were made for each other.

Saira tried her best to console Sunil and finally she told him what she always wanted to but could never say.

"I love you Sunil." Sunil took her face in his palm and touched her head to his. 

"Now you are saying this ....when everything is over."

"I always wanted to...but I couldn't. I was scared that I would always see Sheinella in your eyes. Your lips might say something but your heart is of hers."

"I wish you could have said for once then."

"I was scared." Saira cried rubbing his palm against her cheek." Don't you remember the warning you gave me?"

"Oh, That!" And he laughed. Tears rolled down his cheeks reflecting his pain.

" So much time passed since then, we have known each other for years now."

"I know. I am sorry.I just couldn't. But now I know I do. The thing I thought was infatuation was actually love. And I do love you."

"No, you don't!" Sunil jerked her away.

"Yes I do."

"Then why did you leave me. I am sorry to have hurt you but you could have shouted at me..hit me but not go away to not come back."

"Because you never wanted me. You loved Sheinelle. You have always loved her. Even now as I confess my feelings to you, I can see your eyes searching her in me."

 Sunil began to hysterically both laugh and cry at the same time again.

"What's the matter? Saira was worried.

"See the irony of life..she left me too."

"She didn't. She is here with us."

 Sunil looks at the picture and turned to Saira.

'And so are you.The moment I saw in your eyes I fell in love with you.I did wrong to Sheinella. I know she loved me, but my feelings cheated me. I was with her yet my heart with you. And now..."

"When you are with me, you miss her." Saira completed him allowing a long awkward silence to hang between them. Anyways, tell me one thing, what would you do if you happen to meet her again? Would you correct what you've wronged?"

"What do you mean?" Sunil was confused.

" Sunil?? A hand touched his shoulder. Her voice familiar. He turned around to see Sheinella standing behind him.

" I am sorry for Saira." She said.

"Why?" He whispered turning around baffled, but Saira was gone, leaving behind the t-shirt Sheinelle gifted her on their wedding day.