A Good Adolescence

It was in the year 1992, in Kolkata, or Calcutta as the city was then called, with a typical Calcuttan population. I was a 10-year-old girl at the time. People were self-involved, calling each other 'self-centered' and living on the edge of ego.

The magic of Calcutta was that the inhabitants never defined a strict code for girls, especially if one was born in a Bengali or near-to-Bengali family with parents healthy enough to handle the headaches of life. For those who had lost at least one parent early in life, it was definitely a struggle.

My mother lost her father at the age of 18. Relatives and acquaintances indicated that restrictions should be self-imposed. What kind of restrictions? This question was perplexing for an eighteen-year-old girl. Did the people advocating such constraints ever exercise them on their own daughters or sisters? Actually, they never did. And why should they?

Why would they teach their children to be introverted and self-doubtful? It was only for those outside their range of compassion that they exercised these rules, keeping them out of the competition and denying them their righteous rights.

My mother, though timid, never thought it was out of her human rights to speak up, even when beaten by her husband or harassed by people physically, visually, or verbally. Obviously, she did not want her daughter to go through the same indignity. She preached to me to be quiet about everything, knowing well that it was in human nature, or a child's nature, to do just what they are suppressed from doing.

So here I was. Adolescence came, and with it came its virtues and vices. I was outspoken, rather talkative, which may have been of some value. I couldn't control the call of hormones, and nobody positively discussed or protected me against their notoriety. I was time and again exposed to offensive behavior, like manservants who purposely touched or spoke in a disgusting manner when my mother was at the market, mostly with my father's permission. Classmates spoke volumes of disgusting nonsense. There was no one to verify the things done or words spoken. "Good girls don't see, listen, or talk about bad things" was what I was threatened with, as if "bad things" waited to be seen or heard accidentally. Bad should be discussed with children to help them understand what is good. At least that is what psychological science says, which asserts that "kids need to know right from wrong AND that they are capable of doing great things. Objectifying the behavior can help start a different way of helping your child to know how to make healthy choices."

My aunts, my father's sisters, were always commenting on people's character. How could people with an average Indian graduation of the 1980s as their educational background know about and make such stark comments about character? On my maternal side, it was hush-hush, even when elders could see my uncles coming out of closed rooms with their cousins (sisters), the daughters of their uncles (mother's/father's brothers' or sisters' daughters).

So, I received lessons about adolescence and uncontrolled hormonal acts from my residential area 'friends.' In those days, girls were supposedly meant to have girls as friends as it was 'natural,' especially for daughters of parents pressured to be introverted.

It is quite clear who the real tutors of 'adolescent education' were. When caught in sessions like that, or even 'practical' ones, it was obviously a matter of utter shame for the one caught and a matter of boasting to brag about the shame they caused to the 'shameful adolescent,' the parents, guardians, and elders involved.

It seems most adolescents are more under control now. The Internet is solving many doubts. However, harassing adolescents is not over. People demean children, and these children, in turn, demean other children. Children eventually suffer from self-doubt, leading to rash actions and even fights among themselves. Adults purposely go on speaking volumes of negative talk about children, teenagers, or youth if they are caught in a confusing act.

Adults need to be more responsible in their behavior, if not for others, at least for the sake of their own environment being a healthy one.