A Beautiful Mistake

“Hey! I have been trying to contact you forever. Where have you been? What’s up with you? Hello? Why aren’t you saying anything? Can you hear me?”

“Adil?” I said in a happy but frightened voice. “You remember me!” He said. “I remember even your voice”, a voice within me said and I cut the call. He called again but this time I didn’t answer it. A message popped up “Are you okay?” Yaa, that was also from him. Just listening to his voice, a big package of memories was delivered to my heart. His name was Adil, we two used to be together in school. No, not as a couple but surely as best friends. From writing each other’s assignments to studying together for exams. From being a part of school functions to being a part of family functions. From riding bicycles to riding scooters. From being the first bencher to being a last bencher. We two were that part of each other’s day which was regretted on being missed. A friendship of 12 years ended just because of some stupid unwanted feelings. I fell in love with him but never dared to confess my feelings to him. The whole school knew that how much I liked Adil, even Adil knew to some extent but neither did he ask me, nor did I tell him.

I knew that our friendship would be ruined but I couldn’t just help falling in love with him. All this was now leading to sudden strangeness, the comfort was turning into discomfort, the willingness to share things with each other was now changing into unwillingness, and the happiness of being together all the time was not that happy anymore. It was a feeling that destroyed almost everything between us, a feeling that couldn’t be settled for less than love and more than friendship. One thing led to another and somehow Adil and I lost contact. It is only me who knows that how much I wanted to be with him, neither did I just lost love but also a friend, which was anytime more precious than love. Remembering all this, I fell asleep. The next day when I woke up, there were a ton lot of messages from Adil. In one of the messages, he wrote “I want to tell you something but only in person, do not want to skip your rection.” I got really confused but was also anxious to know what he was talking about, so I agreed on meeting him.

Six in the evening and he was at my place. We got into talking. Adil asked me “Why didn’t you try to contact me?” I said lying “I did try but don’t know what went wrong. Anyway, you tell me what were you talking about? You had to tell me something?” He pulled a thing out of his bag and handed it over to me. I asked him “What is it?” He said, “Open it.” I opened it, it was a card which said: “Aisha weds Adil.” My heart just skipped a beat, this was not the thing that I was expecting. Adil asked “How did you like my surprise?” Faking it, I said “Wow Adil! You are getting married, you are a grown-up man now, congratulations!” He said with utmost excitement, “Yes I am. Her name is Aisha.” “Yaa, I already saw that on the card,” I said. Noticing my behavior, he asked me “look here, tell me what’s wrong? Is something bothering you?” I couldn’t just hide my feelings anymore, I said “Yaa, something is bothering me and that something is you.” Adil asked, “What are you saying?” I said “Have you ever observed the sound of birds chirping early in the morning? Isn’t that soothing? Or have you ever woken up early in the morning and walked with naked foot on the grass which carries due? Isn’t that relaxing? Or have you ever observed the smell of soil when it just rained? Doesn’t that smell make your soul calm? This is all exactly how you feel when you love someone, and I felt all this every time I was with you, Adil. One wants to enjoy each and every bit of it until their last breath. But do you know when it starts hurting? It starts hurting exactly the time when the person you want by your side the most, moves away. Then that chirping of birds isn't soothing anymore, that walk on the grass isn't relaxing anymore, and that smell of soil is not enough to calm one's soul. This is what has happened to me as well. You were the one Adil, the one who I fell in love with, or maybe the only one I fell in love with because I have never known love the same way I have known it with you. You know, yesterday when you called, it was an unknown number for me and I so wanted it to be yours’ because there has not been a single day when I have not thought about you. But then when it was actually you, I got a bit nervous, because I didn’t want you to come back into my life ever again.” Adil said “I am sorry, I didn’t know that you were going through all this. Is there anything that I can do now?” I said “No, you don’t have to be sorry for a thing that you were not a part of. Just do me favor, walk away from my life. I am sorry but I think that it's best for both of us to be this way now. I know that nothing was and is greater for you than friendship but I also know that my feelings for you can never fade away.” We both know that we can’t give each other what we want, neither can I settle for less than love, nor can you settle for more than friendship. So, it's best to part ways.”

It was a moment of grief for both of us. We didn’t say anything to each other but sat there quietly. That day I got to know that one gotta trade something in search of another and a famous quote, “You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness” came true to me.