ushinawareta mujitsu

birds chirping in the trees

tuned into a jazz radio station

drinking Coke straight from the bottle

smoking a pack of Marlboro’s with my sister,

Yoko.

Naomi left me

saying there is nothing

Wrong

with me, it’s her.

that she’d fallen out of love

and we could stay friends

if I wanted to.

I look at Yoko and think

how much she resembles our late mother.

father’s gone to work at the coal mines

and has to attend a conference in Akechi

this weekend

and its just the fourth day of summer break.

bored like hell

depressed beyond repair

just want to die

pick up “Oliver Twist” from the shelf

and immerse myself.

I traverse the roads of 1830’s London

with broken and bruised feet

hungry, thirsty and dirt-poor

meet up with the Artful Dodger, Fagin

and Nancy.

“Time for dinner, Uosuke!”

we have fish, miso soup and rice

just like always.

Yoko sneaks into father’s room

and steals a bottle of rum

from his cabinet.

we gulp it down neat

alcohol burning our throats

conjuring weird creatures like

babies without heads

a lump of black air rising from

their cauterized necks

wailing for love and breast milk.

I reach for Yoko’s hands

hug her tightly and we

both start to cry hard

clawing into each-other’s

flesh

clothes being drenched

by our souls leaking into

the chasm of reality.

somewhere, lost in phantasy

we started stroking our ‘parts’

kissing every inch of our skin gently

softly moaning in the moon-light

as every touch de-fragments us

we become one.

I wake up to find Yoko

naked, smoking on the

veranda.

“Did we---”

“Yeah”, she says.

we watch the sun rise

knowing what we did

was wrong, but felt good.

a month later,

I find a torn letter

in front of our house.

it was from an abortion clinic

addressed to Yoko

rush into the house

and dash to my room.

she’d already hung herself in there

and I am about to do the same.

maybe, we can finally meet

mother up in heaven.

or not,

who knows?

I am disqualified from being

Human.