I

I am not, what you thought,

I am very different,

What seems very simple to you,

To me, it’s very incoherent.

I am not one inside,

Though it may seem so,

Nothing here can stop me,

I always want to go.

Simple though I seem,

My nature is very complex,

Once you try to read me,

You will be perplexed.

Good, I am?

Not a chance.

Just look at me,

And try to advance.

You may not be in,

One piece then,

Imagine you will just,

Good, I was when.

Evil stalks my heart,

It gives me strength,

When I feel weak,

Whence I am entirely spent.

This is not what I was,

Right from the start,

I thought, just like others,

My life was work of an art.

I tried many things,

To soothe my mind,

I wasn’t cruel always,

In the beginning I was kind.

Still, I am the same now,

But my innocence has been lost,

It seems as if,

The spirit of mine,

Has itself become a ghost.

I was not irresponsible,

Never was I so,

Situations forced me to do somethings,

To situation I bowed low.

I didn’t hate love,

Nor do I now,

Maybe love hated me,

I wonder it was how.

I tried giving my love,

To someone whom I adored,

But everything was hardscrabble,

Till at last I became bored.

Why is it, I always think,

That I do not have love?

What the hell almighty does,

Just stare blankly from above?

Whom am I fooling?

Myself or the other?

I can’t move straight,

I run hither and tither.

I love blood, I like it’s lust,

It makes me just go mad,

It smells like rust, but I consume it must,

It strengthens me when I am sad.

Do you think what I wrote above,

Was nothing but nonsense?

To decipher it’s meaning,

You need to use your common sense.

I lack it, the common sense thing,

Many a times I’ve heard for it.

So what will I do, rip myself,

Just for the sake of it?

Why the damn should I care,

For everyone that I meet?

Why to help that person,

Who can my throat, slit?

Why is it that I write these?

My heart is filled with sorrow.

Now I try to think broad,

Earlier my thoughts were narrow.

I claim to understand many things,

But inside I am hollow,

Filled full, sometime was I,

Hollow it became through harrow.

Yet I try, with all my might,

To give the best shot,

I will do what is right,

And not what I should not.

I don’t know, what is right or wrong,

I’ve lost the sense of it,

Now I just glide along,

I hardly find any meaning in it.

Now I know not, whom to trust,

Who is pure, and whom to distrust.

But the thing I know,

Is that I’ve to grow,

Not bow before life,

But make life near me bow.

Neither will I endure pain,

I have grown used to it.

May there be any loss or gain,

What I want, I will have it.

Now I won’t endure anymore,

Enough suffered I have ruth,

My life has become a journey now,

To search for nothing but truth.

Everywhere I look around,

There is nothing but storm,

I have to pass across it,

And come out in full form.

Until I find the ultimate truth,

I am not going to rest,

I don’t care what others think,

I will do what’s the best.

If you think of everyone,

If you think for everyone,

At the end you will see,

Either you will have everyone, or, simply, no

One.

Therefore, I tell thine,

Everything’s not what you think,

What you may consider pristine,

May just be Satan on the brink.

Anyone who reads this,

Will think I am mad,

But a person with a heart pure,

Will know that I am sad.

Sad beyond imagination,

Frustrated beyond frustration,

Abominated beyond abomination,

Scared beyond imagination,

Scarred beyond recognition,

Useless beyond function.

But now,

Recognized beyond recognition,

Strong beyond annihilation,

Indomitable, beyond destruction,

Divine, beyond perfection,

Normal, no, beyond expectation.

This what I want to become,

All troubles, I want to overcome,

So everyone will know me, that

I know something, I have some.

If reading this thing,

You find nothing,

I don’t blame you,

It’s not your fault.

You can never think clearly,

Your thoughts are putrid,

As your flesh,

Your life is trapped, in this big mesh.

But still you find that everything is odd,

Then let me tell you, I want to become “god”.