Who Am I?

Who are you? It’s a question no asks me aloud but perhaps thinks about it when they meet me for the first time. People usually question my existence or maybe I feel that they do. As a teenager, I did the same. Now, I don’t. I am proud of the long journey I have been through, of what I have finally become as an adult.

Since the time I was a kid, I always felt like a bird trapped in a cage. I belong to a middle class open-minded family. I was always given the freedom to do as I please. Some of the things that I did in my childhood were quite unreasonable to digest even for my modern parents. Born a boy, I was always a girl stuck in a boy’s body. To be frank, my body language said it all. Even though my parents and younger brother never said it, I knew I was the reason for the embarrassment they faced in the public circle.

Many a times, my dear parents lectured me on the way I presented myself. Hell, they even sent me for a personality development course. While there were a few changes from the outside, nothing could quite change what I felt within. I respect their decision. They did what they felt was best for me. At school, most of my friends were girls. But I wasn’t attracted to any of them. I admired the boys and felt guilty for doing so. As if I was committing a crime. Some students at school bullied me and called me names. One day, they took it a notch higher by pushing and hitting me. They were five of them and I was alone. One of my friends, a boy, came to my rescue and immediately reported the facts to the principal. The bullies were suspended for two weeks and I couldn’t have been happier. Instinctively, I started developing a liking for this friend of mine.

He became my hero. I stuck to him for help at all times and he never disappointed me. My little crush on him surpassed all bounds as the days passed. After my board exams, I confessed my feelings to him, thinking that we shared a special bond. He was aghast. We had an indefinite battle of words. The next day on wards, he stopped talking to me and ignored all my calls. I tried to talk to him many times, but he refused to let me. It broke my heart to see him avoiding me in such a fashion. Even today, I regret it. Maybe I wouldn’t have lost a dear friend had I kept my mouth shut. Or maybe one day my heart was bound to get broken. So why not now rather than later?

That day is still fresh in my mind, the one when I poured my heart out to my family. I wanted them to react. Slap me. Hit me. Maybe even curse me. All my parents did was cry while my brother stayed silent. They cried all night without uttering a single word. Seeing them in tears hurt me. Even though it wasn’t intentionally my fault, it was actually my fault. I had made them cry. It took them a few years to accept me the way I was. They had known me in and out but they weren’t ready to face the reality in front of the world. I was.

I knew I had to come out of the shell I was in. I didn’t want to pretend anymore. I hated being a coward with my head down in shame. I wanted to live with dignity, my head filled with pride. Proud of who I was and what I was. It wasn’t easy. Life has never been easy.

I met many others like me. Some had been through the worst with their parents disowning them and breaking all ties with them. Nothing of that sort had happened with me. I still stayed with them even though there was less communication. They had been with me through the entire sex change process and I am thankful for their gesture.

That’s all people like me want from the society as well. 1- Acceptance 2- Respect 3- Adulation

Accept us the way we are. We are human beings just like you who deserve a fair chance. Don’t treat us any different from the rest of the world.

Respect us, for our spirit and our courage to fight the world. Let us live our lives the way we want to. Don’t mock us or ridicule us for not being what you expect us to be.

Admire us for our struggles with our inner self and the society. Some people still feel that our community is a disgrace to mankind. Well, we aren’t. You are a disgrace for thinking so low about us. You need to change yourself first before trying to change others.

I am a transgender and I am proud to be one. Whether you like it or hate it. Whether you accept me or disown me. Whether you bless me or curse me. I am the way I am. I won’t change myself for your rigid thoughts. I choose to stay this way now and always, without an inch of doubt or regret.