Tissue Paper

I stood still, as the water gushed towards my feet, a chill breeze blew over me and I inhaled the salty air of the beach. I’d been feeling lonely for the past few days, a kind of void within me. I missed his hug, his arms around my shoulder while we played like children, or his warmth when I used to cry to him. I missed everything about him, the way he used to make me laugh, our endless talks and sweet nothings! Long hugs, cuddles and kisses, laughter, happiness and memories! I stood there looking at the horizon, I felt my eyebrows knit and I realized it’s been this way for a while now.

He had become very busy lately, I thought, he doesn’t pick up my calls and even if he does, it would last for 5 seconds flat. No replies to my text and after a day of waiting I’ll get “sorry, didn’t check my phone, catch you later, bye.” And so, as days passed, it seemed like he was drifting away from me more and more.

Thinking about all this, I noticed couples all around me, laughing and clinging to each other, and sorrow engulfed me. I was as happy as them too. And now I stood, all alone opening up to the ocean. I tried calling him but he never attended my calls as usual. I so wanted to hold his hands now, I hated to admit but I was dependent on him! I checked the time and 40 minutes had flown by ever since I’d come and I had to make my way back home. I saw the bajji stalls, the balloons, the pani puri stalls and everything reminded me of him, I suddenly saw him!! Was I hallucinating? I blinked my eyes several times and yes it was him! He was hugging another girl and his friends were taking pictures of them. I was shocked, and sad, deep down it made me scared.

I didn’t know what to do, I froze for a moment, my mind asked me if he was lying, who is the other girl, why did he not introduce me to her, why is he hiding things from me, did he love her, why didn’t he tell me about his evening plans, why didn’t he invite me, am I not giving him enough space for him to opt his friends over me? Am I not taking care of him, am I not fun to be with, and one major doubt why has he changed??

I needed an answer for all these and he owed me an explanation, and so I walked up to him. I tapped him at his shoulder and he turned back. His face reddened when he saw me,

“Hey, what’s up? Came here with friends have you?” I asked,

I noticed the girl with him eyeing me suspiciously and I noticed him stammering

He laughed nervously “I’ll call you once I get back home” was his prompt reply.

“Glad you still have my number” I smiled and walked back to the parking lot.

All the while, there was fear lingering in me, why wasn’t he straight forward? I sensed that something was wrong. I went back home and I wanted him to clear my mind off, he always made me feel safe and I loved him! I got his call finally,

“Hey! Such a long time! I missed you” I told

“Umm, I need to tell you something Diya” he said.

“Go on! Talk your heart out” glad he wanted to talk, I thought.

“This relationship. Umm, I want to break. Umm, break up Diya, I’m not happy like before, things have become stagnant and I don’t think it’ll work out between us” He broke my heart to a million pieces, tears brimmed up and flew down my cheeks.

I did not want to show him that I’m crying and so I cut the call.

I stood still, tears flowing down my cheeks and down to the ground. I was shell SHOCKED, eyes wide and cheeks red, I felt dead within. WHAT JUST HAPPENED? What went wrong when i was nurturing my relationship like a small little baby? I’ve always made sure everything was perfect. I used to cook him his favorite dishes, I had a good rapport with his friends and what not?! I gave him ALL my love for it to end up like this?!

I deserved an explanation, and gathering all my courage, I called him up,

“Who was the other girl with you today? You have never told me about her” I said.

“I’m sorry Diya, I’ve moved on and I’m with her now!”

This was unfair, totally ridiculous. Moved on when I was here waiting for him? I found no point in talking to a person who didn’t know the worth of my love. I felt cheated nevertheless. Abandoned, to be precise. And the next four weeks were horrible.

There was always a quaint pain lingering in me, I felt like a LOSER, I cried my pillows wet in the nights, I lost interest in everything, it felt like ages since I laughed my heart out. My friends kept telling me to move on and chuck him off. But it wasn’t easy AT ALL. When you can smell him all over you and every place reminds you of his presence, it would be heck difficult to get over him.

I was thinking of all this and suddenly my head started spinning, in the middle of a lecture, I wanted fresh air and before i could do anything, I passed out!

I woke up with a dull headache, my best friend was fuming with anger, it was a break in college and my friends surrounded me. Everyone looked so worried, they shouted at me because I’d not eaten properly. I felt bad, and stupid! After I stabilized myself, Pavan came to me.

“Diya, what is wrong with you? We see you cry every day and it hurts us. Where is our bubbly lovely Diya? What have you transformed into? Where did that childish little smile go? We all know what happened. For CHRISTSAKE look around! Do you spot him anywhere? The hard truth might kill you but hey! He’s bunked to go watch a movie now. Oh yes! He was very much in class when you fainted. Do you still think he cares?! If there is some sense left in you, please think!”

And as he said that, he walked away. And that was it, I went back to my place and told my friends “I’m sorry guys” and hugged them all. I decided to STOP crying and wiped the last tear away once and for all.

The next day was a seminar class, I walked up to the stage, and started teaching, telling everyone precisely what “Global positioning system” was all about. I noticed that everyone was surprised at me coming forward, after so many days. I was almost done with the lecture as in noticed the last bench, my so called “ex” was busy texting!

It was the questionnaire session now, “Vrishin, get up” I said. He was startled. “Tell me the applications of G.S.M” I asked. He stood there quiet. Every head turned back to look at him. “Do you not know the answer or don’t you understand the question? Take your phone and get out, now!.” I said.

And before I even could finish saying “Thank you” all my friends started clapping as he left the hall. My heart embraced each of them, and that’s when MY GAME started.

The next day the sports competitions started and I was into athletics, the taste of success, I must say, is a DRUG! Medals from winning sprint races embraced me. My smile was glimmering with PRIDE and I started loving myself more than anything! I started treating myself like a queen, I made my hair and fixed my style. I chose my clothes and hand-picked my accessories, Like a STAR!

I wanted to explore the world, for it is huge! There’s so much to experiment. I started social service, enrolled for swimming classes, won in dance competitions, and started reading a lot of books. Eventually, because of so much positive energy inside me, my grades rocketed!

The college elections came and my friends wanted me to stand, I was clueless and yes, a little nervous. They forced me to enroll and praying god, I did! And to my surprise, I won! With the highest number of votes, happiness took me to cloud nine and heck! It is impossible to define the feeling.

Life changed!! Like a roller coaster, I was up and flying! Culturals came up and I had a lot to do, I was into the decoration committee and was painting a banner.

Suddenly, someone called me from behind. I turned around and it was Vrishin, with an envelope in his hand. “What is it?” I asked. “I missed you so much! I’m very sorry. I so love you.” He said and took out a greeting card outta the envelope.

“Thank you for the tissue paper!” I smiled as I took it. I wiped the paint off my hands with it and crumpled it into a ball, and kicked it into the dustbin, because that is exactly where he belonged to! Like the “TISSUE PAPER”