The Illusion of Duty

Markus, like many men before and after him, had impregnated a young woman named Eleanor in his youth. They were both drinking and everything spiraled from there. He, some would say naturally, took care of the child and made Eleanor his wife.

Many would say he did the right thing, having taken responsibility for his actions, and leave it at that. They wouldn't realize that Markus died a bitter man who only felt resentment and spite towards his family. That, to them, is irrelevant. As along as he put the life of an unborn child over his own, he was virtuous and someone to look up to, regardless of where such an action got him.

After all, a parent must always be present in their child's life, regardless of what they think of it or the goals they wished to accomplish. Doing anything else would be sinful and selfish. Being a good person entails divesting yourself of all want and aspiration. It is your duty to kill your own joy for others.

If that sounds vile and evil to you, stop reading. You already understand my point and meaning. For those confused, allow me to explain.

In life, we are all faced with decisions that can be boiled down to us vs everyone else: our happiness vs theirs. It could be your mother telling you to be a doctor when you really want to be a comedian, a friend asking you to bail them out of a problem they caused themselves, or, as previously shown, a past flame demanding more from you. As along as other people live and breathe, we will be asked (and taught) to give and give, never withhold.

It is, supposedly, our duty as people to look after our fellow man and bend to their whims. But to live life according to someone else is to live a life of regret and desperation. You could throw away everything you love and care about for some gratitude and praise, but could it ever be enough to make up for what you have lost? Agency over your own life and end.

With all of the (mostly) warranted idolizing of selflessness and noble action, it can be hard to accept that to be selfish is not only important, but necessary in life. You are the only person who is guaranteed to care about your continued happiness. Sure, there are many who could also possibly care for you in that way, people you must hold onto and cherish, but, ultimately, you are only in control of yourself and your own actions. It is your responsibility to look after yourself, no one else's.

You are also the only person who could ever truly know who you are with absolute certainty, so what makes you happy is only entirely clear to you. Don't listen to your hypothetical mother. Be a comedian. Don't stick your neck out for your lech of a friend every time they get into trouble. Tell them plainly and simply that you won't always be there for them and that they must learn to fend for themselves. And please, please don't try to raise a child you don't want. You'll only end up hurting yourself and the child.

There is no such thing as duty. You owe nothing towards anyone else and can do as you so please. Of course, you can absolutely take far too much care of yourself and end up an egomaniacal stain on the Earth, but that doesn't mean that not keeping yourself in mind is the best and most virtuous of things. Selflessness and selfishness exist in tandem because they are meant to be used in tandem. 

To be entirely selfless is to not live and be a slave to others. To be entirely selflish is to make your own path in life but be unpleasant to others. You must be both and in the right ways.

A person who is properly selfless is kind but reasonable: effective. They give what they can and no more, knowing that if they make themselves unable to continue living stably, they'd end up having nothing to give. They'd also never compromise or turn their backs on their ideals and what they believe in for anyone, not even those they love. They give up self in the sense that they assist others, not in the way of losing who they are and what they stand for.

A person who is properly selflish has their own private identity and things they like. They do what makes them happy and support only what they believe in. They never follow the crowd because that's what everyone else is doing— someone who can't be shepherded or led on by a leash. They are an individual, through and through, one who respects themselves enough to not allow themselves to be treaded upon or tread upon others. They simply live in a manner they wish to without taking endlessly, for self-reliance is a thing of the self.

If those two definitions sound similar in some ways, that's the point. Selflessness and selfishness oppose each other only when you simplify them into two separate forces that fight within you. To be selfless is not only to give and serve, and to be selfish is not only to take. Both join together at their shared root: self. You must always be yourself.

Find your own path, choose your own meaning. Never be fooled or tricked by those who preach about duty and service. They are the truly vile and evil, those who truly wish to take and take without end. Just decide what you'll do based on your own mind and knowledge, what you believe is right. That is the only way anyone has truly lived a fulfilled life without lying to themselves. By being honest and true to who they are on the inside, slowly growing into someone who can both give and live.