Something You’ll Probably Never Find Out It’s About You

If I could change one thing of the past, I would change the way we met. For a divine connection like ours, it was not fair how we met and how we ended up like this. We were supposed to immediately feel what we feel right now, yet, we felt the opposite. But, now that I love you, it’s too late for me to treasure you and tell you the truth, because you have already done the damage; you hurt me like no other, and it so surprising how when I should be mad and not hurt, I feel the opposite. 

 

I can’t be mad at you even if I want to, and I can’t feel unbothered even if I want to. I love you so much it hurts, and if I be honest, it was my fault because it was me who expected so much from you when I should’ve known the inevitable. All day long, some part of me always knew how this would end, but this pathetic heart of mine wanted to trust the small part of me that believed it would be different. 

 

Now that my heart has been prove wrong, I have no choice but to obey what my head says, and i have no choice left which concerns with choosing you because this time, I have to choose me. 

 

Every single time, you messed up and I forgave you because there was nothing in me that could afford getting mad at you but this time, you disrespected what matters most to me. Even though everything “seemed” like a joke, it wasn’t to me. It was painful watching my hard work and comforters getting humiliated like a piece of trash, and I couldn’t do anything but just

watch, because it was done by someone who mattered to me. 

 

I hate how biased I’m becoming because I would’ve attacked you if you were someone else, but again, I couldn’t. I loved you and when you love someone, you can never hurt them even if every part of you is dying to. And you didn’t even care to apologise but of course, you wouldn’t know how much you hurt me. You act like everything is okay because disrespecting me is something to be normalised. 

 

No. Not anymore. No matter how much I care, I cut you off. I. Cut. You. Off. 

 

My heart hurts doing this but I choose me. I’m used to taking disrespect from everyone but even if we had an unfavourable past, I don’t know why but I never expected you to be one of them. I honestly expected a lot but with every time you let me down, my expectations reduced. Now, I'm done. 

 

I’m not mad, or bothered. I’m just done. 

 

I don’t know if I can ever forgive you but all I know for sure is that I can never let you go this easily. No matter how much I know I should discard you like you disregarded me and my interests, I still love you. Until I can finally let you go, I will keep on loving you from afar. 

 

There’s also one thing I wish were different: I wish we were at a different time, a different place with different situations, because if then, we would be different too. Our story would have been different; our start would have been different, our enron would’ve been different, and I wouldn’t have to leave so soon.