Notes on life

If there’s one thing I truly believe, it’s that life can change its course in the most unexpected ways. You can become a completely different person in just the span of a year. If I were to meet the version of myself from a year ago, I’d see someone who was confident, someone who believed she could conquer the world, who wanted to try everything life had to offer. I remember being driven by this restlessness, afraid I wouldn’t have enough time to experience everything this world held.
But something shifted over the past few months. It wasn't any dramatic change. It was subtle and gradual. It began with a single doubt gently knocking at my door and me unknowingly letting it in. That doubt planted itself like a seed and quietly grew into a tree, its branches thick with self doubts.
When you start experiencing small failures every day, they may not seem like a big deal. But over time, they pile up and starts making you question your own capabilities. It could be as simple as not waking up when you promised yourself you would. Not finishing a task you swore you’d complete. Before you realize it, you begin doubting everything. You compare yourself with everything. And slowly, I stopped being myself. I stopped exploring new things. I didn’t want to try anymore, and I didn’t know how to start again. You become a reflection of who you used to be watching yourself change, but feeling helpless with no will to stop it.
Days full of promises to turns quietly into months. I kept waiting for something to reignite that old spark miraculously for a long time, but nothing did.
Until that one week.
I’d be lying if I said I came back as a completely new person. But something within me shifted. I started seeing life through a different lens, the one I thought I had lost. I caught myself smiling more than often. I found myself speaking up with new people again, even if just in small conversations. I started observing the world around me the sunlight on leaves, the way strangers laugh, the quiet moments in the surrounding in spite of the chaos and for the first time in a while, I started dreaming again.
That week didn’t magically fix everything. But it reminded me of who I used to be. It reminded me that she’s still within me waiting patiently for me like a child waiting for her mom to pick her up. All I have to do is to plant another seed this time and nuture it carefully.