Humans Vs Vegetables

All the vegetables had assembled in the chamber of justice. They were waiting for the honorable judge ‘Time Sir’ as he got nicknamed for time stickler he was. At the stroke of Ten when the old clock chimed the justice walked in and as he took the seat the chatter quietened down. The clerk announced the first case of the morning “vegetables vs human.” The judge looked up and saw that the vegetables had gathered in good measure. No wonder he thought the chamber smelt like the vegetable market that he goes to on Sundays. “Let the case begin” he ordered.

The potato got up and said “your honor, I am a potato to introduce myself. I am the most eaten vegetable all over the world. Yet I am physically abused by humans. They chop me, fry me, mash me. If that is not enough, they call the laziest of humans as a couch potato. This name-calling has to stop, your honor” he concluded.

The onions stood up and said in an agitated tone “that is why I make the human cry whenever they chop me. I release a chemical called syn-propanediol-S—oxide and that causes tears in the human eyes.” The clerk requested the onion to spell the chemical as he had to document every word. The onion continued “sometimes I act pricey and shake up governments too, like I did recently. That is why the adage, know your onions.” The justice looked pleased with the submission. There was a murmur of support for the onion’s submission.

The demure ladies finger aka okra got up and said “I am a bit lucky, I guess. They have named me ladies’ finger after the slender ladies’ finger and that is why I suppose many children love me as a food. I’m loving it.”

“Metoo” said the carrot. “Humans say carrot or the stick approach” and whenever I hear it my heart swells with pride. Of- course they use too many chemicals in the soil and that is not only bad for me but for humans also. Good the government has finally woken up and in the budget talked about the judicious use of chemicals.

Raddish got up and said “generally all is well with me. It is in my nature that I have Raffinose, strong-smelling substance and gets released as gas in the small intestine of the humans. What can I do? But I don’t like it when people laugh and blame me” the radish said in a saddening tone. The audience in the court tried hard to suppress their laughter.

Pumpkin got up with some difficulty and said “I wish the humans would add ‘g’ to my name at the end. At least then I would be known as pumpking, then I would not mind my body mass index(BMI), nature-given. I wonder why humans cannot genetically modify me? I hate it when the humans refer to a fat person as pumpkin” he concluded.

“Hate or love are the two emotions I invoke in humans” said the garlic. I am both medicine and food. I should be a celebrity but I face racism because of the smell, which is by my nature” concluded garlic.

All eyes turned towards the cool cucumber, who was looking nonchalant. “I have no worries. Sometimes when I am in a bad mood, I taste bitter and that is how I express myself” stated the cucumber.

Pudina got up and said “I like it when the humans refer to a successful person as he is ‘mint’ing money in his business, though I don’t like it when I get pounded.

All the vegetables also stated that due to global warming many humans are recommending the consumption of more vegetables and that was a cause of worry for the vegetables. Secondly, they said that vegetable processing should be banned if possible but at-least discouraged. They prefer the touch of the human hands and fresh cooking in the kitchen. They also petitioned that the tennis star Djokovic should be given a medal for speaking out the virtues of plant-based food. However, they recommend judicious use of chemicals for it causes cancer in the vegetables too.

Justice observed that this was an unusual petition and in the nature of justice humans require time to respond to the various aspects of the case. It was also too much for him alone to provide justice for he was more of a non-veg eater. So, he said he would constitute a 5- bench justices and give a verdict in the next three months.

Outside the chamber, the vegetables belonging to the salad group got dressed and sang “salad days are here again.” The vegetables were happy that at least the case had got admitted.