Boundless Horizon

Ratna tried to look beyond the permissible horizon from the balcony.

Oh my gosh!

Knee-deep muddy water on the road babbling so wildly!

A few life-saving boats have been pressed into service to fish out people from inundated localities as she could notice.

Looks like it is a deluge…

Water water everywhere, no piece of land to be seen!

The Met office had given modest warnings, but things would be so devastating no one could imagine.

Thank god! They lived on the third floor.

The ground floor of their apartment was inundated, spoiling the imported furniture of the inmates.

How cruel the rain gods are at times! 

Or, the almighty is settling scores for the rise in blatant lies, indulgence in immoral and heinous acts of mankind as a whole! -she pondered.

It was still drizzling and dark clouds had not let the sunblush and smile yet.

She had her morning cuppa with her parents. The weather somehow was playing mischief with her cravings for another round of filter coffee.

Lo! You talk of the devil or even think about him and see …

Amma was standing with the tray having three cups of hot brew.

"Amma! how could you comprehend my craving for the morning?"

 Her sheepish smile and gesture said it all. A graceful lady with fewer words she was or she has imbibed -’ brevity is the soul of wit’ in her actions.

 Ah! The second cuppa is even stronger to let my mood of contemplation in.

My framed layers of silence now peep from the labyrinth of oblivion to a trail of nostalgia.

Those were the days…

April sun kissing her supple body, the twinkle of stars bouncing to the celestial tunes playing hide and seek with the tall mountains and the dark clouds, the resplendence of crescent moon -all these and many more were so dear to her.

But no more…

 

Things changed -for better or worse she is yet to rationalize and discern.

Only this much she has realized that she is trapped in time’s cage with no let-up whatsoever.

Yet, she had the best of times once- could giggle till her stomach ached and burst into peals of laughter.

Echoes of that undiluted bliss reverberated in her mind.

Yes...happiness and pleasure fleet with ease and one sensible sorrow spawn similar patterns to last lifetime.

She had excelled in academics, music, and sports too.

“Ratna! You are so fortunate to have everything in your kitty. God is extra kind it seems. We envy you dear...leave some field for us to bat, bowl and excel !”

She would simmer in the radiance of acknowledgment and tell her friends-

“I am not god gifted as you all mention. It is my sheer hard work and perseverance dear friends...and of course, dedication and encouragement from my parents. They are by my side like my alter ego, guiding and supporting me through thick and thin.” 

A pulsating track, unfolded riveting clicks of life when she fell in love with one of her college mates. She was numero uno, he was second in the line.

Rohan -her first love....still remains her first and only one.

They gave a different definition of ‘togetherness’.They studied engineering together, both got their selection in campus recruitment being bright at academics. Their placement too was sequinned as if fate conspired to put them together.

They were in one company, in one place with a big fat salary. Their joy knew no bounds. Envy of all, the cynosure of onlookers-they walked hand in hand showcasing subtle bonding, matched steps to soar and became the talk of the town.

Two years into the job and both families decided to solemnize their relationship.

The marriage was a cozy affair. Family members and a few close friends graced the occasion.

Everything went off smoothly as per Covid guidelines.

Ratna looked at the sky again. The dark mystifying clouds were still hovering. Everything was so dull, drab, grim, and boring ...like her life. 

In her bid to grab a fistful of happiness fleeting in the air- and to catch on with the smile and effervescence of a brook, feel its warmth and engulf her being complete, she involuntarily stretched her arms.

She virtually did.

Then pulled them back coercing herself-” What am I doing?”

“Why am I behaving like a joker and stupid having no mind?”

This has been her pet question for some time now.

Somehow, she has not yet found a solution as regards how to handle her irate self and be her saner version again.

Their married life lasted a little more than two years. They were interns and life’s book was not easy to follow, though they had excelled in studies and at their professional careers.

They fumbled again and again in balancing work, life, and their relationship.

It was jealousy, anger, anguish above all ego all rolled into one.

Before they could realize what was happening, they were caught in the web of doubt and misunderstanding.

Days rolled into weeks, weeks to months and they stopped talking, lived under the same roof like two strangers with very little talk and mostly casual conversation.

“Ratna! I am going on an official trip. So, no dinner for me.”

“O.K.”

He did not elaborate, she did not ask where to?

The warmth slowly weaned, leaving some shades of black and white and a few shades of grey.

Sinewy clutches of jittery and lack of subtle communication took their toll.

What was left?

Few framed pictures hung apart on the faded wall of love with deep fissures.

Rahul left the company one fine day, even without intimating her.

It was the darkest day of her life.

She could not control her tears when she came to know about it from their boss.

Rahul left the house with one suitcase, without a parting note even.

The first thread of hope she could lay her hands on was her amma.

She called amma, but could hardly speak.

She was weeping inconsolably.

“Would you let me know Ratu, what has happened? Are you both o.k? No health issues I suppose. Unless you tell me, how do I comprehend my child? Give your mobile to Rohan. I shall speak to him to assert things.”

“I am finished amma. Rohan has left. I don’t know where he has gone. He did not have the courtesy to inform even.”

“We are there, Ratu. Reaching tomorrow. Don’t you worry? We are only a few hours away. Now, behave like a good gal. Have something before you retire. Take care.”

Her unconditional support system arrived the next morning.

Mediation could not ensue. Rohan did not pick their calls.

After a fortnight, while three of them were having dinner, Ratna’s Appa spoke-

“What is your next course of action, my child? Do not remain adamant. We are there to support all your stands and actions. Should we start negotiating with the family and let them know the truth or you are going to write off the entire thing and move on ?”

‘Take your time. It is your life. The decision has to be yours.”

“Everything ended so soon ...leaving a trail of devastation-I am yet to come to terms.”-the only words of lament that were uttered by the sole male member present there.

 Amma remained her mute version all through, hiding her wails and sobs from the two.

 She frequented the washroom like a diabetic whose sugar level was out of control. 

For Ratna, it felt like a cinematic version of life on a big screen. Each moment was filled with crooked twists and turns. The end too was imminent, yet her thought was deeply impacted by Rohan’s memories.

He still was the calming sound of her nights.

Pitter patter of drizzle on an April Sunday morning.

He was the loudest in his absence, affecting her psyche like a brutal destructive hurricane.

It is a strange thing about old conversations. Sometimes, you remember the pauses in between sentences more, the sighs, even the expressions, even if you can't see them.

So true!

“You still dwell in my heart Rohan!

 And I bleed in the barbs of pain

 My soul remains parched

 Stealthily summoned by gnawing feelings of emptiness”

Life goes on.

It has to go on.

She has resigned to the realities in the meantime.

Her dwelling place has changed to Chennai after she opted for a transfer. She has been with her parents for two years...a little over that, maybe.

She twirls in sheer nostalgia when the sky is dark, murky but pregnant with possibilities.

The duet they sang and danced like a peacock -” I can’t go on living alone...sing-along”- by Sturgill Simpson, haunts her till today.

The lingering echoes are back again this morning.

The hope of his return still reigned supreme.

 An unexpected call someday may prove her right and bail her out of this gentle stroke of a wild rose, the blithe ...that has nudged and shattered her. 

Maybe, this was the wildest of her imagination and the only left-out consolation.

“Ratu! There is a call for you on the landline. The caller says you are not answering your mobile.”

Amma’s shrill voice from the kitchen was clearly audible.

Her office mate Subhra was enquiring whether she can make it to work…

“No dear. It is not possible. The depression is to cross the coast this evening as per the met office warning. Our area looks like part of an ocean with a boundless horizon. I shall call the boss and obtain permission to leave. Sorry, my mobile was in vibration mode.”

“O.k. Ratna. Take care and let your poetic soul weave an exotic tapestry this time.”

She hung the receiver and came back to the balcony in a bid to jot down the alluring aroma of reveries, those emanated from the scars on her silken soul.

Yet, she is not done...still in search of a handful of happiness, a mouthful of azure sky.