A Small Change

My life was perfect. I was happy with the way my life used to be, the way I used to be in fifth grade. But they changed me. They say I changed but the truth is they compelled me to change. They took advantage of my innocence to have fun. But guess what, now I don’t trust anyone.

Rachel was in 5^h grade when it all started. She was in muzaffarnagar, uttar Pradesh in Shardein School. It was a regular day. “Hey guys! So, who do you think is going to be the pathetic looser this year that might leave our school?” said Anne, her best friend. She was her childhood friend although they are not on talking terms currently. “Why are you calling that person a looser, he/she might have some emergency or something like that. There is no need to shame the person whosoever is leaving the school. Instead, we should throw that person a going-away party. After all god knows when we might meet thaaaaat person agaaaain....I mean I’m just sayyyying , you knowwwww”she started to stammer a little over her words. Annie suspected that something was going on. She couldn’t bear the fact that her best friend is trying to hide something from her. Phoebe started laughing and said “Rachel , why are you getting so offended and defensive. You are acting as if you are the unlucky bastard who is going to leave us.” At this everyone started giggling. “Oh come on! Rachel ... and that too away from Anne, never” said jack. Jack was in that school since kindergarten. He knew how inseparable Anne and Rachel were. In fourth grade, mam used to give students different stickers saying,’unique’,’awesome’ and ‘perfect’. When it was their turn to get the sticker, mam gave them both ‘unique’ saying” if I give them different, their bond will break”. But everyone knew nothing but geographical isolation could break their friendship bond. Rachel laughed along with them and tried to keep up the act as if nothing was going on. But something was of which Anne had already suspected.

They both walked to their houses together holding hand but no one spoke for the last 20 minutes .then at last Anne finally broke the silence and said know something is wrong. I am getting that vibe. I know you’re hiding something from me” Rachel was in shock after hearing this. She couldn’t believe that how did Anne knew that something was up. She had never told her anything about it. Is she telepathic? Might be. But how could she tell her. She was herself devastated by the news she got yesterday night. Their friendship meant a lot to her. She would do anything to save it. But here she was standing on a path where she had no choice. If she had said no to that lifetime opportunity, she would have regretted that her whole life. But if she had yes, she might not even get a chance to meet Anne again in her life. It was a tough choice. She had sat down with her parents and had already taken the decision so she had to tell her one day or another. So, why not today? Rachel didn’t realized when tears came out of her eyes when she was thinking all of this. Seeing this Anne said am sorry Rachel. I didn’t meant to make you cry like that. I was just worried about you. That’s all” Anne grabbed a handkerchief from her pursed and wiped her tears off . She tried her best to soothe her saying” look we may not be together for our whole life. A day will come when you will go off to different college in a different city and I might not be there with you . But always remember that even if I am not there, I will always be there for you whenever you need me. Leave that. Let’s not talk about it. That part always makes me sad.”Rachel had stopped weeping by now and was carefully listening to her” as long as we are together, we can share everything with each other. I know something is troubling you and if you will tell me I will definitely help you with it. Pls tell me what’s going on. Is something wrong? Has anyone said anything to you? If so, I will take your revenge.” Anne was hugging Rachel tightly as she already had got a vibe that something’s not right with her. Rachel took Anne aside and said “you are my best friend. And I can’t imagine spending my life without you. But.... ok I am just going to say it. I got an offer from Hoosac School in New York for enrolment in grade 7^th. That would mean I will skip a year and go to that school in few weeks. My parents have already started packing and they just told me this yesterday night only. I am sorry I should have told you earlier. I just couldn’t gather courage to tell you this” Anne was so shocked after hearing this that she pushed Rachel away and ran from there. Rachel was yelling and calling to her to come back but she didn’t listened. Rachel was devastated. She knew that this would happen but she couldn’t take it. She started to feel guilty and cried all the way to her home. When she went inside the house sobbing, her mom asked her”whats the matter dear. Is everything all right” Rachel shouted and said “nothing is all right. Everything is wrong. Why do I have to get this offer of going abroad now. You know what. I am not going. You can’t force me to go. If Anne is not happy with this decision, then its final I am not going. You know, she is not going to even talk to me. She was so upset when I told her. Do you know how hard it is to see your best friend upset knowing the reason is you?”By then her father came his room when he heard yelling and gave her mother a ‘go away I will handle’ look. When her mother ,although still sad, went to the kitchen her father took her into his lap and consoled her”look,honey I totally understand what you’re going through. I know how much you love your best friend honey but this is a once in a lifetime opportunity” Rachel again started sobbing and yelled “BUT I DONT WANT TO LEAVE HER. WHY CAN’T YOU GUYS UNDERSTAND THAT?” Her father hugged her and rocked her like he used to when she was just a baby. He knew it worked every time just like a charm. After 20 minutes, she slept in his lap still hugging him. He stood up and took Rachel to her bed. His shirt was already wet from the tears of his child. He felt heartbroken. He laid her on the bed. She was snoring and he knew she only snores when she’s tired and today was a hectic day for her. He didn’t wanted her to go to that school ,crying feeling like she’s been forced, but could not let her pass up on this opportunity. He thought he will cook up her favourite breakfast in the morning for her so that she will be happy. Besides she’s just in 5^th grade, she doesn’t know any better.

Her mother came to him and kept a hand on his shoulder and said “do you really think it’s the right thing to do? After all, she is still in 5^th grade. Isn’t it a little too early for her? I am really worried about her” he said know what I am doing”.    That night they slept peacefully but someone was awake and lost in her thoughts when everyone was sleeping. That was Anne.

Am I being selfish? Yes I am. And why wouldn’t I . After all I can’t live without her. But she’s really going. How could she leave me. I would never talk to her again. If she thinks that she can just walk out like this, then I swear I would never talk to her againnnnnnn.

“Are u still awake dear “asked her mom. She tucked Anne in bed like half an hour ago and she is a heavy sleeper but tonight she wasn’t sleeping. She tried to hide her tears but you can’t hide anything from your mom. She knows everything. Sometimes I even think she has a little of what we say telepathy but she prefer to call it her intuitions. She already knew what happened. Actually Anne has a secret diary which her mother brought for her in which she used to pour out her feelings. Usually it was normal stuff like she didn’t let me eat that banana or she pushed me but today when her mother was reading her diary it felt to her like it had been written by mature adult having first break up. That day diary entry was really sad and upsetting.”Mom”Anne started to speak but her mother interrupted her “I know sweetheart. I am really sorry for what happened. But you know it’s going to be okay .”

Maybe everything turns out to be okay or maybe we become okay to our situations. After all, clouds of sadness disappear as fast as clouds of happiness drifts away. Either way, it was still sad for Rachel and Anne to drift apart like that but guess what life isn’t fair. Everyone has to go someday. No one is permanent. What is permanent is those sweet memories and moments you spent together you have with yourself for the whole life. Just like that life changes in just a second. Sometimes it takes you to a good path but sometimes it takes you to somewhere you can never come back from. Either way, Rachel thought that she was capable enough to handle anything that life throws her side as long as she believes in herself. And she did believed in herself due to which she had to took that decision. But it wasn’t long before she realized that she had gone too far.

CHAPTER-1

The last day

“Mom, do you think she will come” asked Rachel staring at her mother blankly as if to expecting a good answer. But her mother knew how upset Anne was as she had talked to Anne’s mother last night who told her that Anne was really upset and according to her intuitions she didn’t even slept the whole night. She also told her that she heard whimpering from her room saying that she would never see Rachel ever again in her life. Rachel’s mother was really worried after listening to her and had no idea how to tell this to Rachel. But the look on Rachel’s face showed that she had a hunch that Anne was not coming that’s why she took her mother’s hand and smiled at her. Her smile was lifeless today as if she wasn’t even alive. Her father asked her in the morning and told her that if she wants it cancelled, it will be cancelled. But she might never get an opportunity like this ever in her life. Rachel started to move away with her mom when suddenly she heard a familiar voice from behind”stop, do you think you can leave without even hugging me? Now that’s just illegal missus”Anne spoke from behind her with a big smile on her face with wet eyes probably from tears. Rachel turned back and her ponytail swinged in a pendulum motion and she was startled to see Anne.

 

She finally showed up. I knew she would. She is my best friend. I wish I didn’t have to do this. I could never leave her. I love her. She is like my fire engine truck for lifetime.

She ran towards Anne and hugged her so tightly that I think she might have been out of breath that day but Anne seemed to have not mind it. It was their last hug and both of them wanted it to be endless. Therefore they sat on the bench nearest to them although the bench was about 20 steps away and both of them as a joke kept hugging each other and went to the bench when everyone exclaimed how cute it was. They sat on the bench. Both of them were laughing and crying at the same time . It was like seeing sun shining and clouds raining at the same time which always results in rainbow. But it wasn’t that in their case. They were showered with quarrelling on their last day a call for separation just after they made up. Their mothers were calling to them saying there isn’t much time left but they escaped to their happy place. A place in their heart where their memories and the moments well spent together never dies. The love still exists in their heart and will be their forever even if death parts them but here was neither death parting them nor ego but their destiny which had something special for them ahead. Anne and Rachel were practically crying when their mothers rushed to them to see if they’re okay. They were aware of a long lasting friendship bond but had never seen anything like that in their life. There was so much pain of separation in their eyes yet a puddle of satisfaction of being with each other right now. Anne had brought a gift for Rachel to remember her by. “Listen I know that we might not meet for 2 years or more but I want you to remember that I am always there for you. Whenever you need me, just call my mom and we will sort whatever it might be troubling you in future. Remember you are very innocent, sweet and loving no matter what anyone might say. You promise me that you will never forget me and always be the same Rachel I know.”Anne said with a serious look on her face now holding Rachel’s hand .”I promise to stay as I am till the day comes when we meet again “replied Rachel swearing by pinching her neck. Anne gave her a sewn cat . Rachel was delighted on seeing that. It was the cat which they had sewn together and kept at their home turn by turn. Today was Rachel’s turn to have it but forgot due to this entire trauma. Their entire childhood was stored in the cat according to them . It symbolised their happy childhood.

CHAPTER -2

A NEW MORNING

It was 4^th of April. It had been a month since Anne and Rachel were tore apart. They talked to each for hours nonstop. Today’s call ended when her mother asked her to sleep “honey, it’s really late now. You should go to sleep. Tomorrows your first day of new school “Rachel agreed and bid goodbye to her friend and went to sleep. She was really anxious about her first day but hoped everything would turn out to be okay and it did. She met new friends [popular group] and loved to hang out with them. Rachel was a really bright student but her group wasn’t. But she didn’t care about that. All she cared about at that time was that even after being a new girl she got popular in her school in no time. She loved this. A month passed and everything was great until one day when her group boys made fun of her facial hair. Rachel was devastated. She cried whole day. She locked herself in her room and was feeling so bad about herself. She knew that if Anne would have been here, she wouldn’t have let this happen to her. Normally, in this situation, she would tell Anne about this but in just one month they didn’t felt so close anymore. So, she decided to let it all out on the cat Anne gave her telling whenever I m not with you, I would still be with you no matter what. She talked to that cat as if she was a real person. “What is all of this? Is that what I came for here? Okay, so I have facial hairs that doesn’t mean I am ugly. They have no right to make fun of me. What I have learned in this one month is that people here are so selfish like they would go with someone just for selfish reasons. I’ m not like them. I am so different and so are my real friends I know that.”

In this way, she used to tell everything what happens with her in school to that cat. It’s like she found a new friend in her “do you know what happened with me in school? They did it again. Today, they made fun of how I don’t have a boyfriend. So what if I don’t have a boyfriend. I don’t need a boy to make me feel special about myself. I am unique and I know that. These girls, all they care about is their looks and what their boyfriend has to say for that. Don’t they have a life?” this was supposed to be a sarcastic question and Rachel kind of expected the cat to laugh but it didn’t. It felt weird to Rachel for not having a friend to talk to about this. She started feeling a little lonely. She used to sit alone in the cafeteria and rarely talked to anyone. Her group became concerned for her and came to her and asked”hey,moustachio what happened to you? Come, sit with us and eat. We will tell you how we made fun of that new girl and called her lesbian” they laughed really loud enough to make her smile a bit but she didn’t respond. Instead she picked up her plate threw it in the trashcan, and walked strangely. Her friends became afraid of her and not just that even her teachers were afraid of what she might do to them. She became really quiet and no one ever talked to her. Her life was dull. Everyone thought she is very rude and stopped sitting near her. They used to empty the space when she comes and made faces at her. She was having her lunch, when the leader of her group came to her and snatched her plate and ordered her friend to throw it away. She was a big meanie and Rachel knew that. She started to walk away when 2 girls from back stopped her pushed her to sit. Elana, leader of group, said “you think we need your smartness, don’t you? I heard what happened and how you are blowing away my friends like that. No one has the right to do that. I think you don’t know me. I already made your life hell by asking everyone not to talk to you. Do you like that?”Rachel did not responded but she had tears in her eyes. She didn’t directly look at Elena as she might see her tears. Her tears were the proof that Elena was wining but she couldn’t let that happen.”Ok you know what, go to hell with your attitude but just so you know you lost a great opportunity to become friends with me and everyone knows opportunity only knocks once or in some cases never. Rachel knew they were talking about the new girl of whom they made fun of few days back. Elena left with her group and Rachel ran to her house. She locked her doors and cried for hours and hours. She had to get a hold of herself. She thought of having revenge against her.

If I do nothing, she will continue to haunt everyone and bully them like that. I can’t let that happen. My life is over now but I can’t die without making sure that she never gets to do this to another girl.

CHAPTER-3

HER REVENGE

She knew a little of about subconscious mind and physic powers. Even though some say, it’s just fictional still there were many ways to practice meditation and try to achieve a state where you can use your subconscious powers and store them in something. The best thing she had and most trustworthy was her stuffed cat. She started mediating and focused on her cat. It was said that to meditate you must focus on one familiar object so that you can dwell into your mind and find the power hidden in you. Rachel never believed in these kinds of things but at that point, she had no other choice. She knew that she was right and had to do what’s right for her.

2 hours passed by and she didn’t even blinked her eyes once. Suddenly, everything blackened in front of her, it was really dark. At first she thought that maybe lights went out but as she stood up she realised it wasn’t her bedroom anymore. It was like a dark caged prison. She found herself all alone there. She even called for help “hello, is anyone here pls help?” she shouted and yelled for help but could see nobody there. She was really confused by all of this. Tears rolled out of her eyes as she heard a sound that was exactly like hers. “ I know all the right answers. I am so intelligent and you guys are just losers” she tried to follow the sound to find where it is coming from. She suddenly thought that she must be having a nightmare while focusing on that point, hence she slept. She slapped herself and felt nothing and realised that it must be a dream.

But if it was a dream, I wouldn’t know that it is a dream. I didn’t felt sleepy. No, I am not that stupid that I would fall asleep while doing such an important task. This is definitely something else. I need to figure out this whole thing. Besides I have to go to school tomorrow shouldn’t overwork it. I should stop this mediation thing. It’s enough for today. But how can I stop, when I am not even in my room .

She again heard those same noises”platypus.yes, it’s the correct answer” and there was lot of clapping and hooting around. That’s when she spotted a room kind of place beside her; she peered inside to see what was happening. She saw herself answering all the questions proudly and laughing in the face of her opponents. She loved to do this. She saw a girl, who was her opponent in maths competition, crying. She saw herself walking up to her saying”see little girl, you are a pathetic looser. Do you really thought you were going to win from me? Keep dreaming, stupid” she laughed and her group followed her cheering for her. Rachel felt bad for that girl. She remembered this incident and how happy she was to win but she didn’t realized that she was such an egoistic that time. She felt really bad for her. She shouldn’t have behaved with her like that. Even though she won, she had no right to talk to her like this. She now realized how she had gone too far at that time with her ego that she couldn’t see that girl’s tears rolling out of her eyes. She felt sympathetic to her. That was time when she again heard her voice and now from behind her. “It’s me dear, look around. “

She turned to saw an exact replica of herself, she was astonished. She stared to speak but words couldn’t come out of her mouth. She was speechless. Seeing herself in front of her, for a minute there, she thought she is just dreaming but in some part of her mind, she knew she isn’t.

“Well, hello there you brain sucking topper. You think everyone liked you because you were topper and you become vividly famous. Well you were correct. That was the only reason why people wanted to hang with you in the beginning and you got an invitation to one of most popular groups.”

Rachel was shocked to see herself speaking like this and asked “who are you” as if expecting an answer that would at last make sense after what she had seen.

The replica replied “it’s me, your subconscious. You wanted to get those powers from me, right? May I know the reason?

Rachel sobbed a little and then replied “ever since I moved here, everything is wrong. I got a good group because of whatsoever reasons, I even enjoyed their company but soon enough I realized that they were a veil. They used to bully new kids. I was also a new kid but the reason they didn’t bully me is because I was intelligent, I guess”

Her subconscious was listening to her carefully and agreeing to what she was saying.

Rachel also said” I want to teach those guys a lesson. And I assure you that I will use powers for the right reason. I would never try to misuse it. I just want them to realize where they’ r going wrong”

Her subconscious made a disgusting look as if she just ate something bad that she for sure doesn’t want to digest. She frowned at her and said” okay, so what you’re saying is that they are the bad guys here. I showed you something just a minute ago. Are u still heartless? Didn’t you saw how you were behaving? Making fun of that girl and making her feel bad when she was already down. She was crying for god’s sake.” Rachel now realized what her conscience wanted her to see.

I am the bad guy here. Ughhh I am so selfish. I wanted to teach those guys a lesson for behaving like that as if I had done everything right in my own life. I am just like them. If they deserve to be punished, so do I.

Suddenly, Rachel felt kind of heart attack. It was if her heart is suddenly being crushed by something she doesn’t knew. The black place disappeared and she was back in her room except she wasn’t able to breathe. She was choking on something. She couldn’t figure it out. She wanted to live and get all her answers. She wanted to scream but she couldn’t. Her legs were turning inwards and she could hear the cracking in her voice. She couldn’t feel her hands. She was lying helplessly on her bed. She couldn’t scream out to call anyone. She was suffering like that for half an hour but no one came for her as her door was locked so everyone thought that she was studying. She was crying but not because of the pain but because of knowing she is going to die when she could really make things right now. She died after half an hour. Her parents found that next morning when her other came to wake her up but she didn’t respond so they broke the door and found out that she was dead. The doctors said her condition was the result of psychosomatics which meant that she was willing to kill herself. She should have seen a therapist as soon as she was behaving strangely in school.

CHAPTER-4

FUNERAL PROCESSION

It was 11 September; her funeral procession was going on. Anne was standing in a corner hiding her face with her hands as she didn’t want anyone to see how much she was crying on that day. The group came to Anne and introduced themselves. They looked really sad. Even though they made fun of Rachel many times, but never thought that she would do this to herself. If they would have known that she was suffering this much, they would have surely helped. But now no one could help her or maybe one could.

“Hi mam, there is someone asking for you in that garage. “It was an old man whom Anne didn’t know. Anne blankly walked to the garage. She was still reminiscing those times when she was a kid and Rachel and Anne played for hours. They used to play hide and seek, and Rachel was a great hider. Then Anne would pretend to cry and Rachel would come out and hug her from back thus freaking her out. But this wasn’t one of those times. Anne had read a lot about resurrection but never believed in it. She knew that it was obvious that Rachel didn’t want to live anymore. Anne took all the blame. She believed that if she had done something, this would have not happened. She reached the garage and asked if anyone was there. It was a pretty cold day but there were no winds. In that garage, Anne felt cold. She had a sensation that someone was here. Someone whom she could not see, but could feel. Then out of nowhere, she asked “Rachel?” as if expecting an answer from someone. But there was no reply. She turned to go back when she heard a whisper sort of thing, whispering her name. She was scared. She could still feel her presence which was insane. She spotted a note on which it was written “they made me do it. I wanted to live, they forced to change me into something from which I could never come back am sorry” tears rolled from her cheeks.anne was devastated. She felt bad for not being there with her friend when she needed her most. The cold wind blew against her face as if trying to soothe her just like in her childhood. The funeral procession went on and Anne still could feel her standing beside her saying will always be there for you”.

SOME FRIENDSHIPS JUST DONT END.