Hostile Friend

Fear creeps in like a thief in the night,

Suddenly and unexpected.

Once an unfamiliar acquaintance

But now a hostile friend,

Someone who I have come

To count on at least twice a week.

You use kind and heart filled words 

To try and purge me of my hostile friend.

But though his words 

Are unkind and he very hostile,

There is a bittersweet comfort in his words.

I have grown so used 

To the ball and the ugly taste 

That sits in the back of my throat, 

And the urge to fight back tears 

Through clenched teeth,

That I wouldn't know

What to do if he was to leave.

It's quite ironic,

He screams abandonment,

He screams that you will leave,

That everyone will leave.

He sends me dreams of your back 

Walking out the door.

He makes me second guess everything 

And leaves me in panic,

That I will be alone forever,

But he always comes back, 

Without a doubt,

To continuously reminds me

To never truly let anyone in,

Because they all leave.

Does that mean he will inevitably leave too,

My thief in the night,

My hostile friend,

My anxiety.

If he leaves then he is right, 

But if he doesn't then he was wrong.

So subconsciously I want him to stay.