The Unbreakable Bond...

I think maturity is when you accept that your father is no superhero and you start looking to his struggle just for his family's happiness. I remember, when I was a kid, every time whenever I want something, I got it so easily. And when we are kids we have that innocence of thinking, I always used to think that every father would have something, I don't know what but something like a magic stick but as I grew up, I actually started to realize that- there is no any magic stick.I get everything that I want so easily just because of that one person's struggle and the whole world calls him 'FATHER'. The one who never cry in public, the one who always takes responsibility for his family, the one who sacrifices his whole life just for their family.

Every time, everyone speaks a lot about mother. Yaa, we should do because she deserves that praise and everything but we never speak about father's love. We never ever see that father's love behind all that rudeness and anger. I have also never seen it. The truth is we have always believed in what society has taught us but we never see that hidden love, do we?

If you think deeply, our fathers are not so expressive and that's why we made this mentality that they are emotionless. They don't have any emotions. We made ourselves believe in the father means the one who always scolds his child, who earns money for his family, why? Because it's his duty, really? 

So this one is for you papa..dedicate to you. Maybe I will not able to tell you all this ..that's why this is one letter for you. Hope you'll read it. 

Dear, 

Papa. 

I think this is going to be the very hardest letter of my life. Harder than any love letter that I wrote, which you don't even know about, do you? I guess no. I never told about this. Because I know that you know a lot of things but you don't like to share so much nowadays. And I guess this same thing is happening with me. Mumma knows all my secrets. she even knows everything from each and every small incident of my life to who is my friend's girlfriend also. but you might even don't know when I was last cried? Do you know? 

Remember, when I was a kid, we actually used to talk a lot, in fact, you were my secret admirer with whom I used to share everything, I used to ask a lot of meaningless question, but you. You were always there for me to listen to my secrets, to answer my silly questions. I know you still are but I think we both have changed now. I used to tell you everything without you asking but now you don't ask me and I can't even tell you. The thing is we lost that beautiful bond in passed time. 

You know as I grew up, things changed, I don't know but why did you start to keep yourself away from me? I asked Mumma but she said- it's necessary, we should do this. Is it really necessary to break that friendship with your daughter and why should we have to do this? Why do we have to change? If we want then things can still be the same between us. You know you were my first male best friend and now I have several male friends in my life but I don't have that as my first best friend. We don't talk any more now like we used to do every day and I also know, how you struggled back then to break the habit of talking that we had, but I guess I was too stubborn to understand that you really want to talk with me but you just can't. so I kept on resisting and then slowly you also gave up. But as time passed, I started understanding more and more about you. You have this tendency of taking every responsibility upon yourself. I don't know if it is the impact of your childhood or it is your actual behavior but you don't like to share much about your problems. I know, you always want to protect me, to cover me from every bad thing. You are this over the caring person who wants that I should never fall in my journey, while you know that it's impossible, but you still keep on telling me what to do, keep on predicting my decisions, and sometimes I don't like this. I feel like you care too much about me and I really don't want to cling to your side but yes, I do respect your care. I wanted to decide myself but you are just too caring to let me do that and you are absolutely right at your place. Sometimes I don't listen to you but that doesn't mean that I don't love you. You don't even know how much you mean to me and how much you are important in my life. And I realized that when we weren't talking for a whole year. For a whole year we didn't sit together for a long time nor we had even dinner together. It was the most terrible year of my life where we couldn't even give each other time, especially me. I was so busy in my 10th. You were seeing my hard work and that's why you never asked me for my time. At that moment you proved that- you are the best father. The whole day I used to spend in school and classes and at the end of the day when I really needed to talk to you still, we couldn't talk because you'd be tired from the day's work and you'd be asleep before I came home. I really felt bad when I heard from sarvesh about how you had fun along with dinner and how you ate something different in the evening.I really missed that beautiful, small but sweet moments with all of you. 

I still remember that note which you wrote for me when I was quite depressed before a few months ago. You didn't even know the reason still you never asked me that why I was so sad and depressed because you knew that I won't tell you anything and you also never forced me to tell. Thanks for understanding me on that stage. I know I behaved too rude to everyone but you always supported me.

Sometimes I actually want to hug you, tightly. I really need those hugs but it's so impossible for me to do so cause I know it's gonna be very awkward now for both of us. But I wish I can hug you again the way I used to do when I was a kid. 

I love you and I always will do it!!!!! I am just waiting to hear from you that you love me too...just don't say now that I don't wanna show how much I love you. I know you love me but still, I want to hear you out, please. 

Yours baby princess- chimni,