The Talk

I always take a walk around the park whenever I feel a bit alone. Mostly to gather my thoughts, think about things that I haven’t thought of before. Mainly to seek a peaceful sanctuary among the chaos, a temporary solace, it’s almost inconceivable if you are living in a bustling city.

It’s 5 in the morning when I am taking a walk around the garden and I sit comfortably in one of the benches over there. It’s almost deserted, just as I like. Unnecessary intrusions really bugs me though, so I come early, well 5 is a bit earlier than usual, I couldn’t sleep at all owing to so much going on around here in my life.

We all have this conscious self of ours which plays a great role in making life decisions, almost like a sixth sense. This park helps me connect and contemplate my thoughts and I literally become Professor X (you know X-Men...), and instead of connecting with others (sounds far-fetched.....), I connect with myself. A voice startles me...; let’s call it X...shall we

X: What’s up with you?

Me: Nothing’s up with me

X: It’s been too long you know.

Me: It has...

X: So what’s bothering you this time?

Me: (sigh...) you know don’t you...., you are a part of me; I thought you might have an inkling at least...

X: But I wanna hear you say it.

Me: Why do I keep falling down huh....these decisions which I make, they always seem to have an opposite effect on my life. It always seems that I am slamming the wrong doors to get there, it seems.....frustrating (a tear leaks down my face....)

X: Hmm.....so are you just gonna whine about it.

Me: I haven’t been whining (I shouted...like literally, a young cyclist was looking at me curiously...but he went on.)

X: Looks like you have, maybe you should understand that you are slamming those doors. You are making an attempt and sometimes taking that step makes a difference.

Me: But I have done that, I am tired of making these attempts and failing over and over again, I am really tired of this bullshit.

X: You have been coming in this park for 3 months now, never once did we have this conversation. Let me ask you something though, you saw that cyclist right...

Me: What about him?

X: Did you take a good look at him?

Me: What the fuck man, why do you want me to look at him, what is it with you. I have my own problems to deal with and you want me to take a look at that cyclist.

X: Just for once man....

I observed reluctantly and I realized he had gashes around his arms and legs which were plastered. Now mind you I have been seeing this guy for over a week now and he was trying to ride that bicycle properly. He practices over here for 3 hours every morning, post which he scoots off to home (probably...). He was trying to do some kind of sharp swerve at the bend of the road and he has been trying that manoeuvre for 4 straight days and he always used to fall down badly. He cut open an already fucked up wound yesterday and I saw it was plastered today. But today was different; he had a kind of fire which I had never seen before. He accelerated towards that bend fast, I thought he was gonna crash this time, but he anticipated that turn and swerved sharply just along the edge of the road and made that turn possible. I whooped in excitement, the squirt looked at me and gave me a thumbs-up and scooted off. It was almost 8; there were joggers coming in and some early morning walkers.

X: Well, some kid huh...

Me: Yeah, some kid.

X: Look at him and look at you. He was trying that thing for about a week and he mastered it. Insignificant to you but it might be important to him and you have got bigger life goals man. You had this dream and a motto of never being a stepping stone, what happened to that. IS YOUR LIFE THAT PETTY TO THROW IT AWAY BY QUITTING?

I was startled, what that kid did was poles apart than what I had tried to do with my life. Even if that moment to make that swerve was something so small and insignificant for us but he made it noteworthy by taking the plunge.

Me: I get you, I totally get you.

X: Better start working on it then....

I cracked a smile; I guess that moment made me a bit wiser than necessary. Taking a leap of faith and breaking those doors even when it leads to disappointments matter, because you are putting your efforts on it rather than sitting and brooding about it. I walked off looking at the horizon with my earphones plugged and with a renewed sense of hope and purpose.