Return Of The Fakir

 

The news about the Celebration of Bapu @ 150 has reached Bapu somewhere in the cosmos, and he was wondering if he could visit Bharata and see for himself how is Bharata doing. Bharata, the country's independence for which he had fought for, along with Sardar and the suave Henru and so many others like them. He quickly called up Hardev, his ever-obliging secretary and expressed his desire to do so. Hardev had also heard about the celebrations and wanted to broach the subject with Bapu. He was delighted and said he would quickly chalk about the program and do the needful. Hardev went to the supreme courtier and requested for a visit to Bharata. The courtier agreed on a few conditions and showed the four monkeys.

Bapu said I know the three monkeys; what about the fourth one? Supreme courtier said, "thou should not think evil." On your return, you should submit a report to me. Okay, said the duo in unison and off, and soon they arrived at the immigration counter. Hardev had checked about visa on arrival. The immigration officer had looked at Bapu and recognized him and asked, "are you are from good heavens?" as stated in the address of the country. Bapu said yes, and the immigration officer stamped and put his signature and let them go. The immigration officer said that you both don't look old and look to be in the seventies. Hardev said we don't age in heaven and as we drink amruth once daily. The officer said that the next time you could bring 2 liters each. What we get here as anti-aging is only cow piss bottled as amruth.

Outside the airport, Hardev booked a pre-paid taxi and gave the address of Govind, who lives in one of the rooms in the Rashtrapathi Bhavan. After refreshing themselves and a small breakfast with a glass of desi cow milk, which they got told was in abundant supply, they set out to walk. Soon they found themselves quite breathless, and their eyes were watering too. Hardev said this is the result of having lived long years in the heavenly condition; the capital seems like hell, and this is not even winter yet. Bapu asked does it get worse than this. Hardev nodded his head. They saw a banner about a meeting with the Finance Minister at the Pressed Club of India and heard some bhajan singing. It was Bapu's favorite "Raghupati Raghava Rajaram but with a twist. The song went Ishwar namo tere Naam, sabako sanmati de Bhagwan. Bapu got taken back. He asked Hardev who was this namo and why Allah got Substituted with namo? Hardev whispered those who take the name of the Allah are likely to be deported to the neighboring nation. Bharata is now one nation with one culture of bhakts alone and added I would explain all this when we get back home. Bapu nodded and asked why are they singing this bhajan in a meeting with the finance minister? Why are all the people suited booted? Hardev cleared his throat and said the name of the finance minister is the same as that of the wife of Rama, and the corporates and investors are appeasing her for goodies like in the previous pressers. Is she generous with the poor too asked Bapu. Poor count only at the time of census and whenever elections get held, replied Hardev wryly. Bapu also let out a toothless grin that he was famous for. They saw the poor begging at the signals. But didn't see anybody letting down the windows of their swanky cars to pay the poor anything. They got themselves a mask at the medical store and returned home. In the late evening, Govind said that they must watch this program called Aap Banenge Crorepati? Govind, who holds a titular post, noted that there are no more poor in the country. Political class have already become one. This program is one way open to aam aadmi to become a Crorepati. Bapu choked with shock in hearing this, and Hardev offered him a sip of water.

The famous actor who vends anything from biscuits to shaving cream was asking the question to the lady, wife of the chief minister of one of the most prosperous states in the country. Who is known as the Father of the Nation? Four options got displayed on the screen a) Mahatma Bapu b) Jawahar Nehru c) Sardar Patel and d) None of the above. The lady replied without any hesitation that is Namoji. The actor replied that the option was not displayed, and it was an incorrect answer. The lady insisted that this was the correct answer, and the organizer had made a blatant mistake. The crowd of bhakts immediately responded, stating she was entirely right. The actor who was very good at sensing the mood agreed with her and awarded the points.

Next in line was a cabinet minister, and the question posed to him was who discovered gravity. The four options displayed were a) Newton b) Einstein c) AryaBhatta d) Maharishi AnantaYogi. The minister had no hesitation in clicking option d, and a roar rose among the crowd. Again the actor sensing the mood of the crowd awarded the point to the minister. The newspaper reported the next day that the said minister, as an award, was also asked to handle the portfolio of science and technology. Rashtriya Scientific Samiti announced that this appointment was visionary and yet again proves that the Pradhan Sevak leads the country forward in the backward direction into the ancient times.

Bapu was quite amused seeing such a show and asked Hardev in the privacy of their room what was happening to this country. As per their signed statement submitted to the supreme courtier, what got discussed was not meant to be typed down. As this would tantamount to a breach of contract and liable for deportation to a neighboring country. It is left to the reader to imagine what must have got transpired between Bapu and Hardev.

As per their program, the next visit was to Gujarat itself, where they were born. Hardev took Bapu to pay homage to the Sardar statue. Hardev explained that history had been re-written, followed by the bhakts not only in Bharata but all over the world. Accordingly, Sardar was the tallest independence movement fighter, and this statue was in commemoration of his memory. But Bapu quipped Sardar was just about my height and Jawahar was undoubtedly taller. Bapu further added that the victorious write the history and what we have been seeing and hearing confirms this practice. 

Then the next visit took them to Bapu Ashram. Bapu thought here in this ashram at least Swachch Bharat ruled the roost and was quite impressed by the cleanliness. Then the security guard said that nobody visits this ashram any more, and that is the reason why this place is clean. Sometimes fashion designers of Khadi come with their models for a photo shoot, and that is about it, he remarked. Bapu felt utterly sad, and he went and sat down by the riverside and did some meditation.

Hardev talked to the security further and learned that in the neighborhood, a new memorial was getting constructed for a well-known martyr. The security recommended that though the construction was still going on, it is worth a visit. It already gets a footfall comparable to the statue of Sardar. Bapu and Hardev soon trudged to the memorial, and when they saw the name of the person for whom it meant, Bapu cried out aloud 'Hey Ram' and fell unconsciousness. The name read Thanuram Godse'nd.

Newspapers headlines mentioned that Bapu fell a second time at the site of Thanuram's memorial. Hardev confirmed that Bapu indeed cried out, "Hey, Ram." A supreme bhakt retorted that Thanuram will not get punished yet again but instead celebrated and thus, a historical error will stand corrected.

The next day a few remaining followers of Bapu called upon him and lamented the fact that the nation has changed completely. What government speaks is the only the truth nowadays. One is not supposed to go by any other news. There is social media which allows for instant communication, but the government is monitoring this intensely. Families, apartments, neighborhood, society has become a divided house, and bhakts are watching everywhere. What George Orwell foretold is happening now. If anyone asks Howdy Bharat, the answer should be all is well. Bhaktocrazy is what is rife in Bharata. In today's world, Bapu means bourgeois aadmi with poor understanding.

Bapu and Hardev bade them goodbye. Bapu's digestive system got a beating taking in all the news. His digestion was not that bad even during the freedom fight, but the sojourn in Bharata, no wonder the supreme courtier had foresightedly mentioned the four monkeys.

In their report to the supreme courtier, Bapu and Hardev drew the four monkeys and submitted it. The supreme courtier looked at the report, satisfied that justice has been done, and filed it for posterity.