I wish I knew

"Ma no, I said I'm not going!" I yelled at Ma when she asked me to pack my suitcase once again. Ma and Dad told me just a month ago that we were moving to New York, and I was not happy with their decision. Don't they know that Hyderabad is our home? New York doesn't even have a rich heritage or places like Charminar and Golconda, it's just crowd and crowd and crowd. Akka and Dad left for New York around two weeks ago, but I am still addled because Akka smiled before leaving. Akka loves Hyderabad, and she has always said Hyderabad is her only home, but why was she happy with Ma and Dad's decision? My epiphany of thoughts had left me bewildered, I couldn't stop thinking about them. Our flight was in two days, and I prayed to god for an emergency that would hold us back from going. Ma came into my room a couple of minutes later and asked in a hushed tone "Riya can you please help me pack your suitcase". My blood was boiling, did she not understand my situation I screamed "NO!!" then ran to another room and slammed the door. Why did nobody consider my point of view, I was aggrieved and I knew my presence made no difference. As I sat in the room, it felt like the walls were closing in on me and all I wanted to do was scream at the top of my lungs. Just then a small piece of paper slid under the door, it read ' Please come out, I have to tell you something' in Ma's Handwriting and there was a small teardrop on the paper too. I think Ma was crying, was I too harsh? I slowly walked out of the room to see Ma sitting at the dining table and crying, oh god what had I done. I walked up to her, tried to console her, and apologized. Ma held my hand and asked me to sit down, she moaned, sniffed, wiped her tears, and said "Riya your sister has cancer, the doctor advised us to go to New York for the best treatment. Sadly she is in the last stage, please pray for her and hope for the best". My heart sank, Akka was out there fighting for her life and I was fighting with Ma for staying back, I was contrite, utterly dumbfounded, and could not move, why didn't anyone tell me? I hurriedly went and packed my suitcase. Akka and I shared a closet, her clothes were kept right beside mine and they reminded me so much of her. I took her favourite shirt, held it tight in my hands against my face, and wept in it. I murmured under my breath even though I knew Akka couldn't hear what I was saying, "Akka don't worry we are all with you, I promise you will get better in no time. After all, the years of the kicks and punches I gave you while fighting, have made you stronger than ever." 

 

A couple of hours later we landed in New York, but instead of going to places like Times Square, we rushed to the hospital to meet Akka. I saw her, but without the lovely locks of thick black hair I was always jealous of, she still looked gorgeous though. I tried my best not to shed a tear, I wanted to be strong in front of Akka to make her strong too. A couple of days passed by within the blink of an eye, I tried spending every second with her; we laughed, cracked jokes, and tried to make every second count.

 

Within a few days, she, unfortunately, left us; I repented not spending time with her. God, which huge sin had she committed that you had to give her such a huge punishment? Every crook and corner reminded me of her, the places where we used to go eat ice cream together, the shelf where she kept her art supplies and used to get mad at me for using them, even the pillow she slept on. I could not get over the fact that she left me… all alone. 

 

We came back to Hyderabad, and right after I entered our house, it didn't even feel like a home. It felt like I was entering a hotel I had never seen before. It did not have the home-sweet-home feeling. It was then I realized, home is where the people are; not where the biggest arcade or scenic beaches are. My perfect home will always be incomplete, Akka is just like the last missing piece to a puzzle, I am incomplete without her.