Black Animals Too Matter

The central state CM made an announcement of setting up a cow cabinet with the sole objective of cow protection. Least did he know it will create a rumbling protest from domesticated animals.

The first set of animals to take up protest were the buffaloes. They made placards that read “black animals too matter.” They had a general meeting among themselves and decided to go on a “half yield” strike to begin with. The dairy cooperatives felt the pinch as the daily procurement halved from the following day. Human life was affected drastically. Many dairy farmers started committing suicide as their income halved all of a sudden. They lamented that this ‘udder’ business had become unviable. “Chaipecharcha” got affected and government offices could not function without their chai breaks. The biscuit industry too felt a pinch once the strike got momentum. Without the customary chai dip, who will have biscuits? The dynamics of the buffaloes’ strike snowballed as the milk became the new onions price-wise. AMUL anti-slogan read, “udderly bitterly butter” as the prices of butter skyrocketed. Life was fast becoming one of bread alone.

The donkeys although a minority brayed for blood. In certain pockets, donkeys were multi-purpose tasks masters for humans. The donkeys wisely observed that granted that cows deserved some special treatment for they not only gave milk, dung and urine but also valuable ‘votes’ during elections. But it does not mean humans can neglect other animals.

Dogs too got into the act and decided to go rabid like some humans and started biting humans without any discrimination. The animal welfare board pronounced it as an act of terrorism and warned the dogs that they will be dealt with an iron hand under the UAPA laws. The Supreme Court anticipating a slew of suits set up a special bench to deal with the matter.

Cats shed their laziness and started to attack rats indiscriminately. Rats asked the cats, “why are you attacking us instead of the cows or their protectors?” They had an emergency session but came up with the usual rhetoric as to who will bell the cats? Then one wise rat suggested that they start to spread plague until humans withdraw the cow cabinet. With that resolution, rats started plaguing human society. To add to the human misery the ‘rat race’ among humans got accentuated. The net effect of human depression became a pandemic. Rat traps became a sun rise industry and the mega icon Mukeshji announced his entry into Make in India traps. Small scale sector led a delegation to meet the PM and lodge their protest against this move. They demanded that rat trap should be earmarked for small scale sector otherwise their life itself would become a death trap.

Sheep and goats were also drawn into the strike as the move of the humans got their goat. All of a sudden, the sheep shed its wool and the wool market crashed. The goats refused to become the sacrificial lambs. One section of the population started getting restless as Bakrid was round the corner with the looming shortage of meat for biriyani. The strike was taking a communal turn among the humans.

Then the aviation sector got into the act.

At a meeting of the murder of crows, they too endorsed the modified slogan that Black animals and birds too matter. They went on a shitting spree and attacked the humans indiscriminately. The airborne attack caused untold damages in civil society. The peaceful doves in droves gathered and declared war with the humans and asked the humans to decide between war and peace. The noise of the birds drove human crazy.

The matter was brought to Tenali Rama. Tenali Rama decided to come on TV and broadcast a solution ala PM style at 9 pm and gave a stirring speech. He quoted from mythology that buffalo was a ‘vahan’ for Lord Yama who represents death. He quoted the Panchatantra tale about how the rats bit the hunter’s net and released the lion king. How it was the crow that released Cauveri from Sage Agasthya’s kamandal. He requested the countrymen to treat all animals as equal as Bharat Mata was known for her rich diversity. Next day, the CM announced that based on ancient’s wisdom and Tenali Rama’s appeal that he was rescinding the order.