Ordinary

I always thought that I'm not meant for love

That I'll always be a gypsy Wandering aimlessly

Who knows that home is Something you come back to,

But the thing that I come back to Will always be the tingling in my Stomach at the Strangeness,

Perplexity, Danger, Of something,

Of anything new,

That I'll always be the alone few.

Then you came along one day,

But not exactly one day,

You never really came along,

You were a collection of mundane moments,

Always there,

Like a set of slippers

That nobody notices until it's time to move.

I had imagined a wild dangerous man, Who would set anxiety rushing through my veins,

Who would set ablaze the sky,

Who I could just turn to,

"oh honey, I love the way you lie"

But you were so everyday, subtle, calm

You never even said, I love you.

All you said was,

Talking to you is like untying my shoe laces,

You know how this mundane act at the end of everyday

Just makes all wrongs seem okay, Yeah that.

And the first time,

You saw me perform with my women army of orange and yellow,

All you said was,

Khuda tumhari awaaz aur buland Kare (May God strengthen your voice) But maybe,

Just maybe,

God is relying on you

To strengthen his voice,

To do his work. I told you,

My mother wasn't keeping too well and I don't want to bother you.

And you said,

Bad time is not away from your problems you dumbass,

It's away from you.

And the first, I ran my fingertips across the pages of your diary,

I turned over

Too recklessly,

Amost callously,

Trying to consume everything at once, And you were taken aback,

Because it had probably taken years of love and patience

To capture the soulfulness of the everyday

And you wanted it to be read that way. So I said, I'm sorry I think I should leave.

And you said, I would never give up on the moment we're having

For a series of moments that just went by.

So I said,

So are you biting my lips now?

And despite everything suggesting otherwise,

Only you knew it wasn't a question, So you just said, "umm like this?"

You know,

How the marble floor beneath your feet, is too unshakeable, too concrete, you never really fear it slipping away, But the moment,

The marble is replaced with sand,

You try to tighten your grip,

Although the more you hold on,

The more it slips away.

So I was a miserable human being, Caught in vicious circles,

Of chasing things which aren't meant to stay,

But you had probably lived through these dimensions too soon,

You became sad with the world too soon,

And I met you so late.

How the desperate way in which

I look out through car windows is the most soulful memory of mine in your head,

And how meeting your grandmother, Although she never said a word,

Just smiled,

Is mine.

Then you came along one day,

But not exactly one day,

I mean you never really came along, You were a collection of mundane moments,

Always there,

Like the set of slippers that nobody really notices until it's time to move, Particularly self-proclaimed gypsies like me,

Who are always running,

Sometimes away from some things, And sometimes to some things,

Who live their lives in their heads, Tied to cages people call beds.

How hugging you was so ordinary,

We could do it straight for one hour, Almost like sleeping,

And for the first time I knew,

That I was never really bad at small talk,

I was just not meant for it.

I knew how even my silence had always been too loud,

For the first time I knew,

How peace is not just the absence of conflict.

So this poem is for you my love,

But I'm sorry I can't say it to your face, So you looked away, and I went on and on and on,

Only to realise that you had been looking at me throughout through the rear view mirror.

And I knew,

How so many men had stared at me of late,

But only you could look at me

While staring into blank space.

You, my love, are so ordinary.