I Am A Woman

I stand in the crowded bus

Surrounded by the stench and sweat

Of people returning home,

Tired and disgruntled

After an honest day’s work.

My handbag clutched tightly to my chest

With my left hand,

My right-hand grips the handle above

To keep me from tumbling

While the bus slugs along slower than a snail.

No space to move.

The air stale.

I feel it then,

A breath down my neck,

A finger moving slowly down my back,

Subtly.

Hidden from the view of my fellow passengers.

A sweaty body pressed to my back.

I stand there petrified.

A lump in my throat. My heart beating against my ribs.

I want to cry out as the finger reaches my cleft from behind

But I can’t.

My scream gets lodged inside my throat refusing to come out.

I am a woman

Living in a man’s world.

The world is asleep.

Blissfully dreaming.

Sleep evades my eyes

As I lay trembling on my bed,

Awaiting my fate,

Like every other night.

“WHERE ARE YOU, YOU WHORE?”

The reek of alcohol precedes

My husband’s drunken howl,

Like every other night.

I cower on my bed.

Nowhere else to go.

“Leave him”

The meaningless advice of my neighbors

Ring in my ears as I wait for him to find me.

Leave him and go where?

To the family who sold my body off to the highest bidder

Shattering all my dreams?

Or to the boy who taught me how to dream,

The one who provided me with ephemeral joy

And then failed to show up

When I needed him the most?

Who is there to save me?

The leather belt tears into my flesh,

Like every other night.

Angry red welts swell up.

My cries fade away into the void of the dark night.

As the first bleak rays of the sun pervade the curtains

And enter the dingy room I call my home,

My husband passes out on the bed beside me.

I stare at the ceiling,

Dreaming of a day I will be free of all shackles.

I am a woman

Living in a man’s world.

The night is dark

As I hurry down the station

Devoid of any life at this time of night,

I curse myself for having missed the train home.

Now I need to wait for the next one,

All alone in the station.

What is it I am afraid of?

I know not.

All I know is the crippling fear

That grips my heart

In an iron fist

Every time I hear the slightest noise.

Why am I afraid?

I know not.

All I know is the prayer

I am uttering under my breath,

Urging the train to arrive faster.

To take me to the safety of my home.

Behind locked doors.

Where no one can reach me or touch me.

I check my watch for the umpteenth time.

That’s when I hear it.

Footfalls. Light. But unmistakable.

Squeezing my eyes shut I pray harder.

My prayers get answered.

I breathe a sigh of relief

As the rumble of the engine

Is followed by the sight of the train.

As soon as the train stops,

I jump aboard

And chance a look backward

At the leering face owning the footsteps.

This is what I am afraid of,

Being a woman

In a man’s world.