Heaven On Earth

I don't know how to tell you this.

How to show it.

Not like I was ever good at expressing myself, but you know that already.

I miss you.

A lot.

Not the person you've become, the person you used to be.

The one with all the flaws.

The one I used to help.

And now you've found your way. You don't need me anymore. You've become this "perfect" person, and now you're too perfect for me, this person with a million flaws.

You don't need my help.

You've found the way, but you left me behind to follow at my own pace, and I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing.

I know I used to keep saying, "I can do it myself". I know I used to refuse help. But I have never felt more helpless.

How can I follow when I'm lost?

I miss making you smile.

I could do that with the simplest of gestures, but now I find that those same gestures that once made you smile now bring worry lines to your forehead.

Now the only way to make you happy is to stay out of your way, and out of your thoughts.

I hope I'm doing that right. I am trying hard.

I can't get YOU out of my head though.

I keep fantasizing. I keep imagining you coming back to me and saying, "It's true I want heaven, but I've realised that heaven is right here, with you."

Because I know that's what it is for me.

I keep thinking that the old you will come back to me and hold me tight and ask me for help, for forgiveness, or just for my time.

I was too broken to give you my time when we were together. But I regret that every moment now. I wish I could have helped you. I feel like I left you when you needed me the most.

Did I ?

I suppose we should both get used to the idea of not having each other.

Just know, that you were my version of perfect.

And I don't think I can find someone else like you.

I keep looking for you in everyone I see.

But I guess you really are irreplaceable.

That won't stop me from trying.

Forgive me for not following. I would have preferred you taking me to our destination holding my hand, but you want me to meet you there.

Ironic how, the only time I need your help, you refuse me, trying to make me fly by kicking me out of the nest when I haven't grown wings yet.

Ironic because, you helped me every time I specifically asked you not to.

I hope you're happy. Because in the end that's all that matters to me. Though I would prefer to be the reason for your smile, if you're happy in any way, that's comforting.

But don't forget yourself.

Don't forget how we first started talking.

How we connected.

How we wanted to change the world.

Make it a better place.

Heaven on earth.