There are some moments in life when we stop to seek answers, but then we move on. No matter how hard I try to calm my thoughts, they are always present like the silent drops of mist without making the person wet but making their presence felt.
With the onset of monsoon and petrichor all around, I am sunk into the silent plethora of my thoughts contemplating the ironies of my life. I have no idea the course my life is going to take so I am quietly accepting whatever is bestowed on me, without questioning it. What is it that will give happiness? Is it the job I am seeking? Is it the physique I want? Is it the return of the girl who left me? Is it moving to the hills and seeking a life of solitude? Is it the admission in a MBA program to meet my identity crisis and live up to the reputation of my peers and the society? After all, what is that hypothetical figment of my imagination that would make my life exuberating with happiness? If one amongst them happens, will it give happiness? If all amongst them happen, will they give happiness? Well, the trigger point for the onslaught of these thoughts was a conference call with a couple of my close friends last night. We did our engineering together. Two of us got placed, but yeah, he bagged the most prestigious job of the season that placement season; Software Engineer at Google and mine was a reasonable one. The compensation offered was mind-blowing. The third friend got admission in IIM-A. However, after the call I realized that I am not the only one swimming in the sea of confusions. They too were also in the same boat of a mid-life crisis like mine. I was awe-struck.
What is that answer to this contorted puzzle of life then? Is there a way to seek that moment when you close your eyes and say; ‘this is it’. Even if there is moment like that there are very few who actually ever seek it as most of us are in an inevitable race in jobs that we hope to pay for our wanderlust someday. By the time that moment comes, we’ll have missed the bus. We keep moving to avoid seeking those answers and the moments of happiness keep eluding us like silent spectators all our lives.