Turmoil

He loved her way too much. She has been someone whom he had cherished since he was a child, from when he did not even understand the meaning of love, when he was innocent, innocent enough to not know that it will be something ‘bad’ in the eyes of the world. How could he have known it? He was only a child then, unaware of the norms that the society requires us to follow for us to be a part of it.

But now he was all grown up. He had been meeting her secretly all these years, romancing her the way he had always wanted to, but with the constant lurking danger of being discovered by someone.

He knew this was not right. Someday, sometime, he will have to disclose it, before his family finds it out from somebody else. But he still did not have the guts to reveal it all. He was torn between his love for her and the worldly expectations of him, expectations of which he felt he has become a slave. After all, whatever he was doing, whatever he wanted to do, was not according to others. He knew it will not matter to them how much he loved her. All this was wrong, not acceptable, a taboo, so unlike a real man.

But then, he had to choose. It cannot be delayed any longer. If he did not do it now, he might as well regret it for the rest of his life. Now was the time when his father had his future all chalked out for him, neatly and meticulously delineated. He was so proud of his son, the topper of his batch.

Despite all this, will he be proud when he finds out what his son actually wanted to do. That was his persistent worry, worry that plagued him, worry that made him anxious of not being a good son.

Fighting an inner turmoil and emerging through it, he finally decided to tell everything to his parents, to his father. He knew they will be upset, and shocked. He knew they might not accept him then. But he had resolved not to change his mind even if they did not.

However, still there was a wee bit of hope that they just might come to terms with it eventually. And hope is what he was counting upon, just like hope is what the world counts upon.

He tied them on to his ankle, dressed up, put his make up on, and went to his parents to tell them that he has always wanted to be this, a kathak dancer.