MY BIG FAT BREAK
By Ashini Mehta
The wind blew my hair on my face. I put it behind my ear and wiped my face. Holding the coffee mug with both my hands, I started to cry again. And this time even harder. My tears didn’t seem to stop. They rolled down my cheeks and fell in my coffee. I kept the mug aside, wiped my tears and tied my hair into a fine bun. After washing my face with cold water, I came back to the veranda of my room. The roads were silent with roughly the frequency of 5 bikes in every 10 minutes. The sky was darker than usual and the stars kept twinkling. Yes, it was 3 AM in the morning and like normal people I wasn’t asleep in the comfort of my bed. Instead I was sitting on the cold hard floor trying to stop my tears. The cause of my depression was my boyfriend. Oh, I meant ex-boyfriend. Very ruthlessly, he had broken up with me. After 3 years of relationship and all those love making scenes he thought I was not his type. God only knew what ‘His type’ meant. 3 years gone in the drain for some stupid loser who didn’t deserve my love and time. For the past 3 years I concentrated on him more than myself. I gave him all my time and when it was his turn he was nowhere to be seen. It was very stupid of me to assume that he was my true love in spite of the umpteen fights we had. But every time I was the one to make sure we’d get back. But this time it was too direct and meant for me to understand. I did. And it was a hard hit of reality for me. Very hard indeed. That was my 3rd night after the break up. I hadn’t slept properly since then. Every time I’d go to sleep his face would flash across my mind. I would get reminded of the ugly truth of his selfishness. After I finished my coffee I went to bed to catch some sleep. And just before I could close my eyes ‘piiinnngg’ came a sound from my phone. It was a message from my best friend.
Anohi: Coffee at 4 PM tomorrow?
Me : Yes. Done.
I needed a break from all the crying. The next evening I dressed up and went to meet Anohi. Anohi, like me, had just finished college. She was a very good friend of mine, always there to hold me up and keep my life going. I was sure she had called me to advise me but this time her lecture wasn’t going to work. I saw her on the right hand side table and walked up to her.
“This is the list of all the movies you have to watch. The movies are all there in the hard disk. This is the list of all the books I want you to read. Most of the books will be available in the library, the rest are there in this bag,” said Anohi.
I stared at her with my mouth open. She closed my mouth but I was still overwhelmed and in a shock. “What was that?” I asked.
“My ‘moving on’ therapy. Try this and you will feel better,” said Anohi.
“Aren’t you going to lecture me? Your lecture is enough. Why should I do all this?” I asked.
“Because I said so. You think I am a fool? You think I don’t know my lectures don’t work on you like the others? Of course I do," said Anohi, leaving me astonished. “Okay, so this time it’s a bigger game plan. How effective do you think it is going to be? I asked.
“Fully effective. But there is only one catch. You need to trust me," she said. “TRUST!” I said and laughed. “TRUST!” I said again and looked down. My eyes welled up. I thought of him.
“Look, you have to trust me on this one. You have given too much of your time to unwanted people. It’s time you think about yourself. I know it’s not easy to get over a 3 year long relationship but I know it’s not impossible either. You are strong. So don’t trust anyone but yourself,” said Anohi.
“Yeah. I get it. I am going to trust you on this and let’s see what waits for me at the end of this week.” I said and got up to leave. “Thanks."
"Why are you leaving so fast? You just came,” said Anohi, "It’s not even 5 PM yet. She pulled my hand and I had to sit down.
“So what are your plans? College is done. You were searching for a job right?” I asked.
“Yeah. But seems like nothing is working out. I might just end up doing an MA in mass communication,” she said. “Yeah. Planning to go to a career counsellor,” said Anohi.
“Career counsellor? Do you know someone?” I asked. “Yes. Reena Bhattad. My mother knows her. She is very good. She has a hang of every course field and is very famous and influential,” said Anohi. After talking a while we decided to leave. “Okay. Let’s leave. It’s already 6 PM. I will see you a week later at same time and place,” said Anohi. After saying goodbye to each other we left.
Instead of catching an auto I decided to walk home. It was a 15 minute walk. I noticed the traffic, the depressed office goers, the lovers on the bike, the poor people on the foot path, the flower sellers, the half nude kids running around and a lot of other things I had never noticed before. Observing them now gave me happiness, made me feel like I am part of all this. That I was a part of the universe, the big picture. I got back home and had a nice hot water bath. I got out and went to the kitchen to help my mom. I hadn’t done that in ages. She was so happy that I was finally realizing my responsibility towards the family. After dinner I got to the room , I locked my room and went straight to the packet Anohi had given. There were 10 movies on the hard disk. I decided one movie at a time and started watching. I read the books. I watched the movies. Those 7 days where completely for myself. Something I hadn’t done in ages. No phone calls. No e-mails. No facebook. No WhatsApp. No social activity at all. I only spoke a lot to my mother. I had become really close to her. I didn’t tell her about my break up though. Apart from the movies, books and my mother I was also doing a lot of contemplation. I was maintaining my diet and my weight. I jogged regularly. I started with 2 minutes of meditation and proceeded to 15 minutes gradually. That helped me the most. It helped me be uplifted creatively. I used to be an avid craft artist. My hands used to constantly search for a pencil and a sketch book. But after my relationship there used to be no time. But I did doodle a lot during classes. After my break up, sketching was the one good thing that happened to me. I sketched every day for two to three times a day and almost forgot the world during that time. I maintained strict sleep routines too. Those 7 days were my best. They helped me realize my potential and made me believe in myself. I was so thankful to Anohi for pushing me into this and also my mom for being so supportive.
Piinnngg!… Think of the devil and the devil texts, I thought.
Anohi: Helloo! Good morning. Your 7 day exercise is now over. I am sure my technique has helped you. Let’s meet?
Me: Yes. You are right. I can’t wait to tell you how good I feel… Done! Coffee at 4 PM! Same place! :)
Anohi and I met at the same place we had met a week before. I was happy to see her.
“Hey. You look so fresh and good. Your dark circles are reducing too,” said Anohi. “Hey. Thanks for the help, man. I am so glad I followed it and I now know how good it is to give time for oneself. I feel so confident, so good. And I think I have been quite successful in moving on” I said, although I hadn't believed her theory would work initially.
“I am so glad it worked. It is so good to see you this way,” said Anohi. “Oh, by the way, I have some news for you,” said Anohi excited.
“Ah! I think I know what it is about. Is it about the career counsellor person? Have you got admission somewhere?”
“Yes it is! I got admission in London University for my degree in mass communication. It is a year’s course and it is exactly what I wanted to do,” said Anohi with a twinkle in her eye.
“OH MY GOD! That’s great news. I am really happy for you. Is that counsellor lady that good?”
“She is amazing. She will look at you at once and tell you what you should do in life. Even if you’re confused, she will just ask you a few questions and help you realize what you need to do in life.”
“Sounds like she’s the queen of this field. Do you think I should meet her?”
“Yes in fact I called you here for that only. Please meet her. She will definitely show you some direction. I will fix an appointment with her for day after. Does that work for you and aunty?”
“Yeah. It does. Hopefully mom would be free.”
“How do you know?”
“I was speaking to her yesterday. She is really worried for you and wants you do something in life.”
“Okay. Now I am definitely meeting her. Reena Bhattad, I am coming.”
I met her on the decided day with my mom and she actually turned out to be brilliant. She told me I should get into the Arts industry since I liked craft and sketching so much. Not that I hadn’t known that before. I had. But now I was confident and decided on Fashion. Fashion was the way of life. People judge you based on your clothes. And it also went along with my love for clothes, craft and sketching. My big fat break up turned out to be my Big fat break from negativity and a break through into positivity, inspiration and energy!