The Paragon

It's pitch dark, like the darkness we feel when we close our eyes. I can't figure out where I am and what are these things lying next to me? I started to crawl like a baby to figure it out and in the search of the light, but, so far, no luck. The darkness is everywhere. How long and how much have I crawled? I am not feeling any pain in my body, not a solitary drop of sweat.

I found the courage to stand up in the darkness and, after running so far in there, I started to realize that I am not feeling dehydrated or starving. I cried aloud, but no tears flowed from my eyes and a sudden thought occurred to me. I am not in possession of any qualities which make me feel human and alive.

AM I DEAD?

After hours of contemplating this, maybe, days or years, who knew precisely, as there was no clock ticking in here, the answer to my question was, yes, I WAS DEAD!

I tried very hard, but the last time I remembered being alive was on my way to the office. I met with an accident and was thrown off my bike and I had smacked my head into a lamp post, then I fainted and plunged into darkness.

I should have spent time with the people who were close to my heart, rather than, earning more money. I thought there was enough time to be the better half of my wife a more joyful husband, as well as, being emotionally available when we were building our lives, instead of blaming her.

I should have been a better son to my parents, who wanted me to listen to their life stories. Instead of being a burden, I wish I had been a solution to them and not just temperamental about them not saving money. If I had not done that my kids would not have been suffering the same fate as I am confronting now.

I should have been a better father to my kids and shared their first day of school, their first visit to the sea, their first bicycle ride and the all of their firsts, instead of ... auugh!

Tears started pouring from my eyes.

A thunder banged, lighting flashed and the darkness gave in, for a moment, and a pale light started to appear, nearby, in the pitch of darkness, looking like a pathway.

Because of the sudden lighting, my eyes could not see anything for the next few hours, except for a whitish light which filled them. My heart started pounding, willing me to go inside of it and my legs moved, subconsciously.

I am in the hospital. My wife is sitting next to by bed with her head down, near my hands. She must have cried a lot, because her tears have made my hand wet. My half opened eyes glanced about the room and came to rest on my children who were sleeping on my parents laps.

I gently moved my hand and caressed her hair. She woke instantly. Our eyes spoke for awhile.