Like every morning I saw myself wrapped around his arms and he kissing my tresses. We were usually seen like this but today something was different in that 'same' too. I swiftly moved out of his arms without disturbing him from his slumber.
I saw my image in mirror. The tears strolled last night left it's stain on my cheeks. I turned and saw him sleeping like a baby. I smiled at the irony.
I came out of room and went to the kitchen, poured coffee beans in machine and saw water mumbling bubbles. My head was in similar state 'it was in bubbles' , my thoughts were jumbled again, my head were full of thoughts of 'US', full of questions with confusing answers. I couldn't decide between the 'letting it go' or 'hold it back'.
I needed space not from him but everything to clear my head, to clear my thoughts.
The kettle's whistle brought me back to senses. I was so emerged in myself that I don't know myself how much amount of time I wasted on standing there. I poured my Espresso in a cup and sat in balcony, the cool breeze and coffee essence opened the closed door of my mind and heart. All the moments we shared together here, in this very balcony, all the important decisions were taken here only but after last night's arguments, I'm not sure it's worth the upheaval of moving out of his life just to give him sane. Even for a short time.
We have known each other since seven years and just one night can't change or decide our lives but on same note, these words couldn't be of a night, it might be fed to him since long time ago.
I used to understand his inner conflicts before he could word it, might be he wanted same again. I used to calm him down and this time I failed to do so. May be I am the one who failed him and our relationship by not putting efforts which I laid in those days.
"I want you to leave right now. Leave the bed, No.. No just leave the room. Get out of my sight!."
Hearing such words from your husband was most painful but not more than seeing him in that state. It hurt seeing him in that state. He was the same person who used to tear his heart out to her wife, to me, who used to come home late after a disturbing day and then sleep beneath my arms, who shared his deepest agony and his demons, who trusted me most, who dissolved his melancholy in my smiling moments, whose perturbed moods never affected me and mine moods but helped him to get away with all of this, who kept all his promises, meant all his words, can't say that I never meant to him in just one night or in one day.
I felt my cheeks wet, tears rolled down there, they were not for me hurt, it was for him who was so forlorn that he hid it in his anger, who was hurting no one else but himself and that, that was hurting me the most.
I know, he will come along but right now, I have to hold the boat, hold it for myself, for himself and for ourselves just like he did after every fights. He is so attuned to my gala moods that he handled me like a pro.
"Ishu! My head is heavy, where is my black coffee?"his voice pulled me out of my train of thoughts.
"As usual, on your bedside table.!", I replied calming my own nerves.
"Are you still upset?", he came to the balcony door with sullen face.
I drank the sight of him, disheveled hair, tired eyes with a strong emotion of 'fear' there. Fear. Of what?
I stood and decided to play the same way when we met first time because angry Siddhant wasn't new to me but this Siddhant was definitely new to me. Full of eating emotions. I felt an immediate urge to hug him and kiss him and wanted his despair to vanish in air but I had to engrave his graved anger.
"No, I am not upset.", I replied disinterestingly and tried to enter inside room.
"Why? ", He held my arm and asked.
"Why should I be angry? Just because you asked me to leave. I promised you whatever happens I am not going to leave you by any means. I am keeping my promise. Leaving room is not a big deal. Leaving YOU will definitely be a big deal." I kept my palm over his closed fist and tried to open it.
"And I came to know one thing about you today and I am upset about that.", I made a upset face, hunged my head low and he was confused.
"And what's that, Ishu? You were unknown about me since our three years of marriage. I told you everything." He cupped my cheeks and uplifted to look directly into my eyes.
"Two things. " I started but again he interrupted.
"Trisha, earlier it was one. Your counts are increasing." He said in his same confused manner.
"Okay fine! I came to know that you can't live without me not even for an hour and second you will fail hard if you ever tried to make me upset. " I rolled my eyes teasingly.
A short smile crept on his lips.
"And you got to know it now?" He questioned with a half smile.
"I knew it but today I realised it. " I smiled proudly.
"Wow! Are you making fun out of me? I asked you to get lost of my sight and you are telling me a complete different story.", He was highly agitated but never tried to jerk my hand which I held upwards and said.
"Telling me to get lost and I left to another room and then on your own will you, came there and slept nowhere else just next to me, you didn't let me go, you couldn't survive thought of me being upset." I answered not him but his anxiety, keeping my both arms on his shoulders, stood on toes and smiled at his softening facial expressions.
Oh how much I missed that gentle smile.
"I love you, my best friend. Mrs Trisha Siddhant Mehrotra", He pecked on my forehead and wrapped around his arms tightly.
"If you will love me like this, I'll die soon" I uttered this words with a hidden laughter.
"Why so!" He queried in same position.
"Because I am not getting enough oxygen to breathe, Mr. Husband." I replied.
He laughed and loosened his grip but didn't let me go, I was still in his hug.
"I love you too and yes I was upset and I shed some good amount of tears on you, how I fell asleep, I don't know. But in morning, I am having no hard feelings, Now please tell me what bothered you! I know you attended your delegates cunningly as you do always, so what went wrong?" She asked calmly with still a grip of fear in her heart.
"Trisha! I don't want to talk about this in morning.", He grew tense again.
"You promised me that you won't let affect our day with fight. Just tell me what happened to you otherwise I'll be thinking about it for whole day and I won't be able to work neither in office nor home." I pulled myself from hug gently and crossed my arms around chest and faced him.
"Promise! I hate it, I hate when someone insults a woman's integrity or a woman itself and especially then if that woman considers to you. No deal happened there and on top of that I can't handle my temper and hit him." He was getting really upset.
My eyes bewildered because he broke one of his important promise with me. "Never hit anyone".
"I was upset on myself that I broke my promise that was with you. I could have manipulated the situation and bring the best out of it, but what I had done." He turned his face and started looking towards his hands.
"Are you upset for hitting him?", I folded my arms across my chest.
He turned like electricity rushed into him,
"Are you mad? I am not upset for hitting someone who insulted you or your work or your integrity or your colleagues. I am upset because of you and your stupid promises and I broke one of them. I just slapped him once, or else I would have broken his nose and send him to the hospital bed." , He was loud and held me from my shoulders in a tight grip.
"I just don't know how to control my heightened emotions, temper and haughty dispositions without you. ", His words melted me and I smiled and pressed my lips to hide it.
"I always want you around me", he tried to held me in her arms again.
"And that's why you asked me to get lost.", I tried to annoy him with a smile.
Both smiled with a sorry in the air.
Both destiny joined their hands and smiled at each others in their arms.