I prefer drinking a hot steaming cup of coffee. I enjoy it sip by sip, blowing the hot air and taking a small sip and ‘thinking’. For each personality in this world, coffee is different, works differently for me, it’s stolen moments from this time-oriented, high-paced life ‘to think’ without feeling dizzy, allowing me to get lost in my own thoughts, allows me to observe and think about people around me, about whom I really care, helps me in noticing minute details. Yes, this is what coffee does for me.
Today when I was sitting in the coffee house holding my cup taking warmth from its surface and thinking of something which I should have thought earlier but I would have, it wouldn’t be so much me, thinking of this a smile appeared on my lips and it was then I looked to my right . I saw a group of friends, all looking in my direction and one of them zooming his bespectacled eyes at me without blinking , staring at me . Even when I looked straight into his eyes with a stern look, he didn’t look away. Ok! I know this look, it’s the same look I had got from another boy four years ago. He was my classmate and with moments of staring ‘the boy’ said I love you ... oops... I really believed it, so innocent I was at that time but it’s not him I wanted to think about .I smiled an evil smile and tossed my head back and started tracing the lip gloss mark on my cup but before I could get back I could hear giggles and cheers from my right . An evil smile is something I have never been able to pull off, it always ends with the cute one.
Leaving it , I took a sip trying to place my lips exactly on the mark I closed my eyes and went back to thinking . Ok I am back where I never wanted to be, it’s the same emptiness I never wanted this solitary place, the lonely heart but it’s always ‘ My heart is a lonely hunter that hunts on a lonely hill’
HAHAHAHAHA I smiled to myself and opened my eyes this time my eyes zoomed on a couple sitting straight ahead of me, holding each other’s hand looking down at their table, inches away from them I could tell they were into each other even if they were not looking at each other, there were vibes reaching me telling me it’s something more than I had ever experienced with some stranger who would have become my friend some time later. People usually say this as ‘love’. It always finds it complicated or people say I have set my love aims so high that I could not find someone matching them at least not in this dimension. I smiled as I thought of this, taking a sip I thought of Mr. Him
Mr. Him was tall lanky too spontaneous, outspoken an extrovert and he was always high always. Mr. Him like challenges and it so happened that one day, I just like that said, he can’t propose me. Oh my Mr. Him took the challenge and followed me and after weeks he said that though he had taken it as a challenge but he actually had fallen for me, I took it as a joke after months of betrayal from boys I have learned not to trust them and moreover I thought boys like him could never be into me. Days become weeks, weeks become months and his gestures to prove he is truthful grew, the lovely one, the caring one, the jealous one, the teasing one all were there but I still stick to being ‘friends forever’ because Mr. Him is something I had never been he is strong, brave seen a lot more than I had ever able to see from my cracked nut shell created by my parents. I never wanted to lose Mr. Him, through his experiences I was living the life I wanted. Sometimes later Mr. Him started getting cranky saying he wanted a relationship but I wanted friendship but things were going uncanny so I told him if I feel anything more than friendship I will tell him. Mr. Him agreed and waited for some time. Mr. Him is over enthusiastic wanting an answer soon said his patience had worn off but I stick to what I had said before. He said it’s alright. Then one day we decide to meet up. On meeting up he said he had thought all about it and I was right we are better as friends only and we would never have worked well in a relationship. Something invisible pinched me hard. How could he say this I smiled at him thinking it’s a joke but his serious look which I had never seen made me realise he is not joking. Mr. Him said I am a good person and I have thought our future before he would have even guessed. He said he thinks he is bothering me and I would never be in a relationship if he keeps doing this, the moment he said a tear dropped out of my eye and it was too late to hide it from him he says he don’t like anyone crying in front of him he hugged me and said this is all I wanted and whatever he said after was lost in my thoughts. How can I say I like him bothering me, waiting for me, caring for me and all those silly attempts to make me realise that Mr. Him was perfect for me was all I wanted. I wanted to tell Mr. Him that the feelings I was talking about were all in me somewhere and I was too scared to show. I wanted to tell him that something had changed in me and before I could come back from my track of thoughts he had stopped hugging me and was driving. It was a not talking look on his face but still I tried but he did not respond after hours he got back to him again and started telling about his hostel life his friends how they take drugs and everything. I shut him up which I had never done before I wanted to talk about that friend's thing again but whenever I bought the topic he switched back to his chilling experience and there was part in me telling that Mr. Him knows what is coming he don’t want to listen that I have feelings for him. I kept quiet for few minutes and I said I would tell him about my past experiences and in between I will tell him that I do care what status of relationship we have. I talked and he listened with keen interest and then he started to laugh. He might find these funny but they were not for me they had taught me something valuable for my life. Listening to only one, he started with his take but this time I wanted to be heard but so much for Mr. Him he never stops. He got a call from his friends saying that he had arrived , he stood up to leave me to my destined place and at last Mr. Him said ‘Remember our deal, we will be friends and after listening today we will always be friends’
I just smiled not wanting to say anything and I smiled all the way back home I could never tell him I really miss him because I know something has changed.
“Excuse us could u please leave the table er ... er ... if u have finished” I looked up and saw two people standing aside of my table the girl was giving some sort of love bite and then she looked and gave a fake blush. I frowned and wanted to say it’s a fake relationship it won’t last long. They took few steps back. I thought they heard my thoughts but they were looking at my right I looked there I saw the whole group of bespectacled boy frowning at them, I smiled vividly at them and stood up took my empty cup in my hand and started tracing my lip mark but I didn’t move an inch I was reaching the conclusion of my thinking. Mr. Him always wanted to hear from me but when today I wanted to speak he was talking only about himself. Why does it have to be Mr. Him, always. The moment he left I could have said easily but I stopped and smiled because I knew he is not the same Mr. Him I liked. I was always his priority but that day it was someone else.
Yes, I was always right, right from the start; we are better off as friends and it took so long for him to understand.
I put my precious coffee cup down as I could not take it with me, precious because it made me realise. I smiled at the bespectacled boy warmly and moved towards the door, no one listens to me it’s only pen and paper which listens.
I pushed the door and looked at my coffee cup for the last time which was in someone else’s hand. I smiled with twinkling eyes. I am sure a new story will begin with this coffee cup as one ended with the coffee cup.