All that she never told you..
It was mid of December, the sun was hidden and everything was slow as usual,
I on the other hand was ready to begin the day with a broad smile and a pathetic self-esteem, and why I am talking about my self-esteem I will get to that later. I took my office bag, kissed my wife, as I was about to exit the door, my wife Nisha, called my name Rajiv, “You forgot your wallet".
Somehow it gave a me a mild concussion, never mind, I half smiled at her and while slowly tried to grab the purse.She held tight and said in a sort of aggressive tone, "Why are you carrying a condom?" I went blank for a minute and somehow regained my composure and came with a master rebuttal -honey, whenever I come inebriated, it is quite possible I might forget to wear it, she pushed me back in a sweet gesture and smiled, stupid I won’t be drunk then, It won me over thanks to my scientific mind.
As I reached station, I started getting back to last night, it was not a horror story, but to me it was –anyways I boarded the train, and sat on the usual place and friends to join me which was a part of staying in Mumbai. They deliberately made me sit on one of friends lap, and everyone started giggling as if its my gay wedding. I am not much of a talker, though I blabber post drinking that’s when my real conversation starts. That’s what my friends say, not me though, quite ironic, isn’t it? I alighted from the train at half past 2 and got a call from one my friends asking everything. To my surprise, I said okay, must be a joke as we had a great party last night, there was a minor abrasion which I saw later as I folded my shirts sleeves, it gave me this chill on my backbone no wonder why, I was slightly sloppy as well, no wonder it was a Monday morning. I saw couple of pics of about last night, as my friend Akash was leaving the city so it was a farewell party for us. While looking at one of the pictures, I was there at the back ground, the look on my face was tarrying and I myself had not seen this facial expression, I come to this expression when wife stops me from watching a cricket match, I didn’t pay much attention to it and started scrolling right. Saakshi and me are good buddies although she is a senior manager, we still hangout and nothing promiscuous about it, just a school like friendship, there was a picture were she looks agitated as well and on that particular day I could not find her as well. She must be on a leave and who questions a SENIOR MANAGER anyway.
I did ask few of my colleagues, nobody seemed to bother where she was, she had this attitude of “I am a bitch” forget girls even guys hated her. Not that she was one, but she couldn’t get along well, besides I still could not know and her phone was off. It was switched off or it was no service, which bugged me, where the hell she might have been, the primary reason for me to know was because she was new to this city and stayed alone, which did arise a suspicion that sometimes we sleep together, on the hindsight, if people get to know what I really do with her, Never mind that’s an entire different matter altogether.
I reached home and my head started aching like it has been badly hit by someone, I wonder why this pain never surfaced while at work, was I too busy to notice? I stood up in front of the mirror as I turned and somehow trying to look what’s aching, I saw a bandage which was right in the middle of my head, the hair was bit cuff off, I couldn’t imagine myself being hurt that night.
I called my wife, she immediately came running towards as if she knew why I would call her, she came close and gave a close glance, the kind of look when someone is ill or had a terrible accident,
I asked, Do you remember how I came last night? Your friends dropped you.
I replied in a rash tone, “What “what do you mean friends?
Your office colleague, her answers were calm and composed as if he had hidden something heinous inside. Right after she went to the other room, taking a common walk.
I stood there aghast, I could come to believe what is it I am missing, Why I feel there is a huge misunderstanding or she is hiding something from, there is surely an element of danger.
I was morose and could not stand at a place so I took a deep breath and took off to sleep.
There were three cops running behind me with a stick, I ran like a hungry dog, an empty street and there was no one present on the street, they had a dog which is coming closer to me, about to bite my injured leg, I woke up with a loud cry, as I opened my eyes, a man wearing a white shirt with a stethoscope was staring blankly at me, the kind of look when either you are guilty or something is terribly wrong. There were nurses and my entire family was standing as bystander observing me, it scared the shit out of me, My wife, was composed and calm, she was the only person in my room who gave a smile which I needed as assurance, it freaked me too as why she was smiling when others were not.
I was asleep for 3 days, they even felt I will get into comatose if I did not wake up today, due to that nightmare I was wide awake and still there was a terrible pain at the back of my head. Doctors confirmed that I had been hit badly, which made me loose partly my memory. The memory has been wiped for that night, is that even possible?
As everyone left after a reassurance word exchange, I quietly questioned my wife - Are you really sure that you are not hiding anything from me? Her composure went to the same level. Yes, my dear, why are you getting worried? she kissed my forehead and went inside the kitchen. I got a beep on my phone when I opened it, there were 50 calls and 100 messages. I got to know that Saakshi had not reported for work since the last party and her family had lodged an FIR , the cops might interrogate him as well. Amongst all this chaos, my heart still believed that she was in trouble, don’t know where or how but it gave me this instinct that something had gone awfully wrong and everyone was trying to cover it up
I couldn’t just sit home and let all this happen to me, I went back to the places I had been that night, that’s true, that night is what would give me everything I needed to find. I took more leaves from work and decided to inspect everything. It was late evening, I went to the club in which we were partying together, the bartender immediately recognized me. Sir, Is everything okay now? he said it in a tone which worried the hell out of me. Is the mam okay now? I panted and asked, which mam? Sir, the madam, she was very sloshed and couldn’t stand on her feet and on top of that she had a fight with a guy, although I could not remember, I still heard him clearly. I made few of the facts clear before I left the place, I questioned the bouncer too but he denied remembering anything or for that matter did not wanted to confess anything. I sat on a bench there trying to go back to what happened, and Saakshi was still missing and the cops can anytime come to my place to interrogate me and my wife, which freaked me out.
As I inserted the car key, there was a taxi driver a who came howling at me from far, as he won a lottery and he saw me first to vent, but he had a pan card, said, that night the lady whom I had dropped, she left her pan card there. I got anxious. I asked, where did you drop? Sir, I left her at Vikhroli west, I got creeped out, that’s where I stay. He even said that I was very abusive and hit her while she was talking, it never struck me that I can do that. Sir, you should never do that, he left from there, it made me feel guilty and worried in a deep sense.
The tormented sense of agony and feeling that I might have made a heinous crime or somebody helped me to do it, I could not even believe I am even capable of such a subtle crime, what I was thinking? With a poor vision and no feeling of going home I still told myself and went home. While I entered the building, there was a police car outside. I went home but the cops did not come for me.
My wife asked - What would you like to have for the dinner? I got amazed as she never asked me this. I was surprised and worried - Anything special about you? it’s been 3 years you asked me this,
“Well, I just felt like it, sometimes I also want to please my husband, don’t I?
I got really skeptical about my wife, and I kind of sneaked into things of her, at night I checked her phone, but it had a lock mode on so I could not get into i.e. decided to trick her into opening the lock and thereby see if I could find any evidence, I wonder why she would hide something from me, is she defending me or herself? I pretended to sleep and whole time I was looking that whom she was responding to at night, it was 2 o clock, she stood in front of the washroom mirror and forgot to close the door, whole time I was observing her body language, she was anxious and replying in a way as it’s a matter of life and death to her. I did not want to stop her, so I pretended to get up, she put her phone back and closed the door.
The next morning when I woke up, my head was fussy and my hands were shivering like a flag on a windy day, as I slowly opened my eyes, I saw my wife standing all dressed in front of me, she looked tensed, the kind of tensed I have never seen her so far. I figured it was a bloody Sunday and drank too much last night. She was ready to go shopping, when I denied, she went away fuming in a rage. That’s common in marriage. I took a cab and went behind, she took 2 goddamn hours to shop. While she was out, she got a call and she immediately drove, I followed her, it was an isolated place. My suspicion grew on her more, it also made me feel bad about everything which could have been done to Saakshi, as she waited there, there came a cop, tall and looked gravely dangerous. He took out a piece of document and handed her, after flipping pages, she gave an emotion of relief. I hid behind the broken wall. I looked at her, I went back to the person who married me, is she the same person I married? Also the hint of feeling guilty of what she might have done to her, I couldn’t stop myself. They both parted and I came back home, I gathered courage to ask her everything she is into, also felt ashamed as from now on everything will change in our life.
As she opened the door I was drunk couldn’t stand at all on my feet, and began to question her in a way I don’t remember, also I did hit her, and her nose bleed. I don’t remember anything.
The next day, I felt guilty and there is something criminally wrong about me.
The same guy dressed as civilian was at home having tea and looking at me like he is provoking for a fight, he smiled in return, kind of an assurance smile, I wonder why he did so. My wife came from the kitchen and her nose was covered with a bandage, she said she has something to say.
I half woke from the bed and gave her a convincing nod. She sounded very confident as she is a cop herself -
That night I followed Saakshi at her place, as we had a fight and she got upset at the heat of the moment I slapped her and she took a cab and went home, I visited her place right after she went, I followed her home as I tried apologizing , she hit me back with a bat, in my defense or my rage I hit her with a flower vase. The hit was real hard, she lost consciousness and fell dead, just as surprised as the night, I went home and told everything to my wife. she went with the guy as she is a cop, they took the dead and burned it and burned every evidence of her, the guy is my wife ex-husband, who took charge of everything and buried every evidence.
I was the criminal, who had anger issues and subsequently alcoholic by nature, I killed my friend and my wife who happens to come from a military background, handled everything, like I am the victim and Saakshi is the criminal. The paper he had handed over was the death certificate of Saakshi claiming she had died by an accident.
And there I was thinking that my wife was the accused, and there I was a criminal sitting home.
The reason she never showed any sign of agitation even after I hit her was that for this reason.
I apologetically thanked her.
Rajiv committed suicide that night, taking hundreds of sleeping pills together.
She sat beside his body and cried as she died not once but twice