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Again In Love ? A Question!
Again In Love ? A Question!

© Dhaarna Pruthi


3 Minutes   11.1K    248

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I was standing over my terrace observing the beautiful weather and suddenly the cold breeze hit my face and the clacking sound with the sparkling in the cloud made its way to my heart. Memories in my brain gradually took me back to those days which once made the most beautiful days of my life. I remember that time when I felt how it feels to be loved for the first time in your life and how it feels to get shattered. How I patiently waited for someone to reply my messages. My hands used to shiver while talking to him, my heart used to get into euphoria and my eyes used to be eager to see his name in the notification bar of my phone. When it would rain, I would love jumping in it, screeching his name, stretching my hands open to feel the shower of raindrops and wished to hear his name in the echo of my voice .When I got mood swings there was someone to make me understand 'Life is much better than this'. It was he who was in afflictions but I don'know why it tore me inside each time he faced anything wrong. When I would hear his name in public I didn't have a control over my smile. When he would get possessive, I would feel his care for me which made me fall for him. It was he who made me realise that I look good and how good we looked together. I remember how intoxicated my words used to get while describing him late in the nights.

And now, when life has taken a different path, we both are far apart. I see my phone full of notifications but there is always a void space inside me which needs answers. I don't feel like talking to people. I hate enjoying rains. I don'want somebody to think about how feel. His name which made me look insane in public now gives sudden ache to my heart. I don't want anyone to show care towards me now. I felt beautiful until that particular time of life. Now I feel like the ugliest soul on the earth. My words feel the incompletion and ataxia in me. They feel, I am who I used to be. I remember how things changed. It has left an indelible mark over the pieces that I carry every day. There is always something that hurls you to a place you don't want to think about. 'Nothing new happens with anyone' I thought. Albeit it changed me. An emotionless creature that I am. I was questioned for being ruthless about other's emotions. It was me who was considered wrong for keeping wrong perceptions towards the emotions called 'LOVE'. They had no idea, there was an innocent me who once believed in love the same way they believe in it now. A huge fear resides in me .It's not that I fear falling in love again .It's the fear that I may not get the old me back again. It's the fear that somebody else will regret being with me and end up becoming who I have become now. It's the fear that someone else will lose faith in love. It's not that I fear trusting in love again, it's the fear that someone else will end up with the same conclusion for love like I did long ago. 


So yes again in love is still a question. I will get the answers when the right time comes. Until then I'm keeping thoughts away and coming back to my present state to observe the beautiful weather. look back at the sky that is mourning over the death of the innocent me. I see the leaves dancing in a rhythm with my heart, the wind playing music for an everlasting romantic song and eventually tear drops from my heart.


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