Her First Flight

“I want to live my life on my own way, please don’t interfere in my life!” I was loud this time, my lips slightly quivering with anger and my chin slightly raised in defense, which had never happened before.

“Mama, your life was different, you had a complete lovely family, but I don’t have that, I am free from all those commitments, why shall I waste my talent and life because of the society? I have suffered enough to care about this nonsense society, who eagerly wait to hear someone’s failure, try to find out others mistakes and now no more…its enough” I spoke, making my voice little low, after realizing that I should not talk with my mother in such a loud voice.

Mama, was silent – a troubled and defeated look on her face. The expressions couldn’t be mistaken though, she didn’t need to word her disappointment as it was written in bold all over her face.

I knew this face – whenever I would throw a tantrum, this was exactly the expression my mother would reward me. Today was no different.

“I agree, but one thing, you are going to a trip to Europe trip with your boss that too after 2 weeks of your divorce. You don’t know how people take it and I have to face all those questions which become well expressed on their faces, even though it doesn't come out verbally”, my mother said quietly.

“Mama, this is not a personal vacation trip, it’s a business trip. I haven’t attended any business trip since last three years, only because of my marriage, the narrow attitude of the conservative family and again in this divorce finalization and you don’t know Mama how much I have suffered in my career because of this. The hard work that I had done to secure myself by achieving this success, everything has gone. Now I have to start again or else I will be completely drowned. More over, every time, my boss was joining me in the business workshops directly from USA, but this time, we are travelling together from Bangalore, because now he is here. Mama, you are a broad minded, educated mother, but still you are telling like this. I am not going there just to roam or enjoy, it’s a big challenge for me to make this trip successful, we are going to acquire two customers and my presentations, consultation and solving of all of their problems can only bring these two customers to our organization. Moreover, it’s a great opportunity for me to get back my lost confidence”, I just tried to convince my mother, giving her a reason, even though I was broken inside after listening to her statement.

“Beta, I know but its not me who is saying all these, it’s the voice of the society. I am just informing you, so that again it should not hurt you, when you directly get from them. Being a mother its my duty to let you know which questions you are going to face from everyone. I am preparing you for all these situations”, she told while going inside the kitchen to prepare milk shake for me. Somehow I felt she was trying to hide her emotions from me.

I kept quiet for sometime.

I went to her, hugged her tightly and told that “Mama, I want to fly, which I have never done in my life, have always tried to make everyone happy by following a life as per their wish, but now I am free, I have started loving myself by accepting my goods and flaws, as I love myself, I have become happy and peaceful, each moment is bringing a new hope in my life, I have so much talent, I am a good public speaker, good blogger and writer, a good cook, a good interior designer, all these brings completeness in my life. Is not that a wonderful life, where I can help others to finding their true existence? Why shall I listen to others?” I asked and tried to convince my mother.

She gave a little smile without telling me anything, which helped me to melt all the ice and I left the kitchen taking the glass of milk shake from her hand.

Around 9 PM, the cab came to receive me for airport where my boss was also there. He greeted my mother very humbly and assured her to be free from all the tensions about the journey, don’t know why he told her so. I could not understand, he might have received some kind of hints from my mother’s facial expressions, who had gone near the cab for sending me off. I kept on looking on my mother’s face and somehow she was keeping quiet, by feeling little down from inside, as her conversation was going on with Mr. Mark Loudon, my boss. After 5 mins, we left for the airport.

Her mother was married to a local guy, was happy in managing her family of husband and two daughters. She never had thought about her liking's, even though she was a good story writer, but was always keeping all inside the note pad. Once her daughter had asked her, “Mama, don’t you feel to work in an office, don’t you feel to publish your stories outside ?” She had replied “Yes, but when I get free". But, now she knew about her daughter’s stubbornness.

Returned back to Bangalore after 2 weeks and at home at 4:30 AM, again had to start for office around 6 AM, as it was going to be a very hectic day, giving all the updates of the trip to everyone and also to finish some pending tasks. Didn’t get a chance to talk with my mother.

Even at 5:30 AM, I saw my mother happily arranging the table when I arrived for breakfast, loud and cheerful, bringing a smile to her lips. She hadn’t got a chance to flex her muscles the previous night, but this laughter had been worth it. She felt rejuvenated as if after a long spa and then to be hugged by her daughter, it was the reward she could never ever get satiated with.

“Mama, what was the need of preparing all these? I could have taken milk, corn flakes for breakfast.” I just told, quickly finished my breakfast and immediately started for office.

The complete day was very hectic. I had to finish all the formalities for two newly acquired customer, didn't realize when the time was 9 PM. “Oh…my God….its already too late, I have to start, not even informed Mama that I would be late today. Don't know how many missed calls would be there on my mobile phone, as it was on silent mode. I am not able to know it. Quickly I checked my mobile and got surprised that there was no missed call, there might be some network issue.” I just shut down my laptop and started immediately for home.

Again it was a distance of one hour. I tried to call Mama two, three times, but she didn’t receive at all. I was getting so got frightened- “what happened why there was no response, did something happen to her or she was angry with me?”

I drove as fast as possible and arrived at my apartment within one hour.

Thankfully the lift was now moving upwards. Finally it stopped and this time the door opened. I stepped out quickly drenched with sweat on the cold night. There was no light outside, just a hazy glow from some source of light far away.

Desperate to get inside my house, I put the key in the door lock and moved it anti-clockwise. The key didn’t move. I took it out and checked if it was the right bunch. It was the perfect key. I tried again. The key didn’t move yet again and now it got stuck in the lock. I just let it be . I was too tired to try again. I sat on the stairs beside the door and pressed my temples with my hands. The dull headache was now a throbbing pain.

A few minutes later I again got up with renewed hope. Instead of trying to move the key, I banged on the door. It flung open and I nearly tripped inside my drawing room. "Why, Mama had kept the door open?”, I wondered.

“Mama…Mama…I called again and again, but didn’t get any response, whereas generally, by this time she could have given me 20 missed calls and waiting for me in the basement itself to pick me up.

I went inside, my kitchen was tidy - as always. I went to balcony, searched all the rooms, but could not find her out.

I opened the main door and stepped out. The lift lobby was well lit now. I could see wet sandal marks starting from my door up the stairs. Though it was dark when I had entered my house earlier but it was not that dark for me to not notice these marks. They were certainly fresh. With great courage I followed them.

They went all the way up past the posh 4th floor and up to the terrace. I opened the terrace door hesitantly. It slid open wide to a dark terrace. I could imagine unknown creatures lurking in the dark nook and corners. I didn’t want to step on the terrace it looked menacing. I turned back. Somebody grabbed me . My breath stuck to my throat and I wanted to scream. No, somebody was trying to hug me from behind. I turned with a jerk and came face to face with a known face - It was my Mama!!!

She hugged me and told that “You came so early…I though that you will be late, so just came here to write something. Come, today, I have cooked your favorite parwal curry”.

“I was so surprised, it was almost 10:30 PM and she was telling that I came early!” I nodded my head and followed her towards the house.

“Oh…its already 10:30 PM, I did not realize I spent so much of time writing a nice story.” Mama screamed while entering the kitchen, after seeing the time on the wall clock.

I was feeling so sorry and was keeping quite, as I was quite scared of her anger which might burst out at any time, as I was late from office.

Without telling her anything, I finished everything as per her order. Somehow feeling that okay this might help me to get escape from her anger.

“Mama, could you please show me the story that you were writing…?” I told her cozily while sleeping holding her belly inside a single blanket.

“Beta, my story is about you, a free girl, who wants to be free and wants everyone to be free, who taught me to be free, free from all those anxieties and possessiveness those I had for you and this is the reason why I tried to discover myself after you left for the business trip. I rediscovered myself- a new personality, which I had buried within me since last fifty-five years. I don’t want to be more, also I don’t want you to bury yourself, run and explore yourself as much as you can, my dear daughter, this is my flight too. No longer I get to say now –when I am free….Yes, no longer I get to say that when I am free” –It was time for spreading my wings too.”