A Well Baked Chocolate Pastry

A Well Baked Chocolate Pastry

17 mins 12.3K 17 mins 12.3K

It was one of those beautiful days when it had just rained and one could feel the sweet wind on the face. If you close your eyes and walk down the memory lane you can feel thousands of emotions at once. There she was standing in the balcony with almost a smile on her face, her eyes were confused if they were supposed to cry or smile as she could see few flash backs of her not so long life with a coffee mug in her hand. Coffee had never been her thing as she always found it bitter and useless but today she liked it. Usually a day like this, is romantic or painful, but for her it’s silent.

Pia was a working professional in very early stages of her carrier, not so beautiful and she knew it, completed her college and joined an MNC. The term MNC did not influenced her to do the job but the work. She wanted to work and be independent because her idea of staying happy was somehow to be alone so that she wouldn’t have any expectations from people around her and thus there she was trying her best to be independent or rather not dependent on anyone. She was not an introvert in fact she had a very jolly, happy, cheerful and live-life-to-the-fullest kind of nature but over the years she learned not everyone is a friend who say they are.

As she sipped her coffee and smiled she thought of her perfect school days. She thought she was very mature as compared to her age and knew everything that was there to know. She believed that every person has two sides, it depends which one you get to meet, how everyone was good for few and bad for few. And in all this super perfect world of hers she just dreamt of one thing and that was to fall in love with THE ONE. College, courses, jobs, marks never mattered to her she just wanted to fall in love, maybe because she could see how incompatible her parents were for each other and every time she used to see them fight she used to think how better it was to fall in love instead of marrying a stranger.

She remembered how her first crush was Prince Williams and she still have that newspaper cut out that mentioned Prince Williams of Britain to be among top 20 sexiest men in the world. Though Maths never made sense to her but solving the problems of other's life did, she was best in this. She was good at giving nice advices. She had loads of friends in class a few crushes during the whole school thing where she thought she actually found “the one” and once her crush somehow dumped her even before it all started. She tried to look for something positive and hold on to the idea that she didn’t fall in love as love is supposed to be forever and it was yet to come.

 

Then came the college, her first step to actually be independent and she was doing well. New place, new friends, Pia was actually living her dream. It was good for a while, then she met him… Rahul... well... actually it was online. A random stranger added her on Orkut and even though she had a policy of staying away from strangers she couldn’t kept herself away from this one, didn’t even saw his picture as world was a bit skeptical about sharing pics at that time. They talked and talked about nothing and everything. Her filmy side told her that may be he is the one but she was smarter not to believe that side… or maybe she thought so. It took about 20 days for him to propose and 10 minutes for her to say yes and they didn’t even knew what other looked like. She thought of giving it a shot as always, she thought if this doesn’t go well she would again cling on to her idea of ‘the one is still out there somewhere’ and move on. She was too smart and mature of her age or again so she thought. They couldn’t wait to meet and she wished how he could come to meet her on one of those college fest days, and he did and the whole thing couldn’t get more magical and filmy. She waited for him at the college gate and there he was in white shirt and denims. Her “the one" . She smiled as she thought how films taught her that prince charming comes on the white horse. Hellos were exchanged and she just walked with him forgetting the whole world. This was the first... she never felt that way before, but then she never had a real relationship before. As they walked she looked in those building glasses and smiled more as he was way too long for her and she was way too short for him. She made him meet all her friends and they all knew him as she couldn’t stop talking about him. That was the smile... the most beautiful one and she was yet to have something like that again.

Pia closed her eyes and could clearly remember the time when they were sitting on the ground and she actually looked in his eyes. She was scared of them. She always found them a bit scary as if they were telling her to stay away but every time she looked deeper she could see that they wanted someone to read them and tell them that it’s going to be fine. She thought she was good at relationship, romance etc... etc… how could she be bad at this, she always dreamt of this. She asked him “are you sure about me... are you sure about us”... he said yes... but she asked again maybe because she didn’t get her answer from his eyes and he said “yes I am.. you are the one” and this was all she wanted to hear. This was the moment she fell in love with him. She knew she had found her “the one” or so she thought. They spent the evening together and it was perfect. She got kissed with a promise that he would never leave her, again followed by the fireworks and low flying airplanes. Now it sounds like a typical Bollywood movie but Pia knew at that point of time that it was magical.

The coffee was over by now, she went inside thinking how everyone told her that he was bad for her but she didn’t listen to anyone and how they became perfect for each other. Pia now was totally in that time now, she fetched her laptop and logged into FB to see him with a fake profile because he blocked her from everywhere, changed his profile even as this one was not updated since ages and every time she hurt herself more by doing this and hated herself more but it was fine now. She looked in his eyes to check if she was still scared of them or if she can find herself somewhere in them now. A tear rolled down to her lips, she wasn’t sure why, she didn’t love him anymore, at least she decided not to. Then why was she crying, she had friends... a few at least... family who love her way more than she wanted them to. She had again built the castle of dreams waiting for her prince to come… but why was she crying it’s been 5 years now. She closed her laptop and her eyes, she thought she could forget it all... so she wished but it came back all at once.

She went back to the time where she waited for 2 hours on phone to speak to him while he was busy playing videogames and then his friend told him to talk to her else she would be angry but he said confidently “no she won’t, she loves me” and asked her “do you mind if I play first, just few more minutes and then we can talk for as long as you want” and she said “sure I am here I’ll wait” she was a bit sad about it but then he said “this is why I love you, you are best” and that was all… she could live with that.

She really liked him for his childish behaviors which never irritated her, she found him much more serious and mature then herself. He was her best critic and she was his light or so she thought.

He left his exams to meet her and she scolded him for it but was somewhere happy that he did. She remembered how she used to watch the moon and felt closer to him while talking for the whole night and attend college next day. They were deprived of sleep but she never felt so, she had developed a habit to sleep with his voice to enter her head as the last thing and the first thing in the morning was to wake him up and convince him to go to college. Life was way too beautiful for her.

Pia opened her eyes, this was too much for today. She got up and went to a nearby market to get her mind off this whole thing. Shopping always helped her, it helps every girl. She didn’t notice that she went to the same mall where they used to meet but she did… once she ordered a coffee at Barista and looked at the menu when she noticed a cold coffee... well the name was way too much to remember but she knew as he ordered it for her and she couldn’t say no. She never liked coffee, he said she might like this one. The first sip and the expression she gave him, he started laughing and she said embarrassingly “I can’t have this sorry I wasted your money” and he said “your expression was worth it, I will never forget it”. Pia realized she was still smiling at that. She saw Archies right in front of her and remembered how they decided that she would gift him a card every time they would meet. The first card she gave him had 81 reasons of why she loved him and wrote them all by herself and after that all her friends were taunted by their BFs. Then she remembered how she gave a card on their last meeting and she thought of writing a lot but ended up writing “Mr. Rahul… if you ever think of going away from me I will give you a mwah and you will come back to me.. I know you can’t live without it”.  She smiled this time too but this was a sarcastic one, she told herself how stupid have you been all your life. She finished her coffee, got up, shopped some more and it did helped, she was back to being fine. She got home and decided to watch a movie but somehow was still mentally back in those good dream days.

She noticed how small things remind her of those days be it a coffee, KFC, MCD, songs, even books.

She thought of her favorite memory with him. End of her semester and she had to go home, which meant no more night calls. He had his Physics's exam and he had to study. He was always strict about her studying and would not talk to her until she finished her course but she on the other hand just couldn’t stop talking to him... though she kept him telling to study and he didn’t and they just talked and it was 4 AM when she realized what she has done. He could always smell it when she was upset so he said “ok I am sleeping now wake me up at 6 and I will study the important ones to pass this one.” She knew it was better not to sleep but she was tired too and fell asleep and woke up at 7, the first thing she did was to wake him up and he could feel that she was upset and crying. Pia said she was sorry and it was all her fault and that’s when he said “stupid this the most beautiful moment of us and you will never forget this one, we will always discuss this night when we will remember our initial days, it’s just an exam and I will take care of it” and she was speechless it was indeed her favorite memory of him.

She felt dependent on him and he believed he loved her because she was way too good for him.

Pia remembered every single day of her 5 months relationship even after 5 years, she hated herself for even remembering his phone number.

She blamed herself as she thought she did something that made him end it all, but it was just a small fight she couldn’t even remember why they were fighting and she said just to make him jealous “you don’t love me now, do you?” and he said fine “its over”. She kept on begging him for days to sort it out but he didn’t listen and told her this is best for both of us. Now suddenly he didn’t care for her crying, he didn’t say a word to her when asked him why. He did gave a reason though after a while... he said “I love someone else and I am not with her”. She didn’t trust him. She called him on his bday to wish, it took days to gather that courage but he didn’t recognized her and this broke her heart into million more pieces. She reminded him who she was and how she loved him once and has now move on and kept the phone, then there was crying for few hours and she received a text from him saying “sorry” and that was it, nothing more, she texted back thinking it might start the conversation back but he didn’t reply. She decided she would never ever text him again, she was really hurt but she was also in love. She was sure of it now because she wasn’t mad at him. And for next four years she didn’t let him feel that she was there, she used to call him from different numbers... she could hear a voice saying “hello” a few times but she never spoke a word.. she couldn’t.. she was afraid… she couldn’t bear one more insult. Life was fine for her, college went fine. She was approached by many boys but she couldn’t say yes no matter how much she wanted herself to move on. She never felt those butterflies for anyone else… not even after 5 years. She made many attempts to move on, to burn everything that she had related to him on the last day of college. She thought of doing this from months… the inspiration came from the movie what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas… she wasn’t a sad moron type, she had a humorous way of expressing her pain too... sometimes... So all the pics were deleted... all chats deleted... cards he gave to her burnt... and the draft version of 81 reasons of why she love him… she didn’t cry at all during all this and could feel the heat inside her… something burned in her too… she didn’t love him anymore… the first step to move on and what happened in college stayed in college.

She flushed down the ashes and again the filmy part of her was always good at representing and relating the emotions to very unusual things. The last thing that was said that night was “it’s done honey, it will get better now... it will have to”

 

But she was a grown up now... at least she was supposed to be… a smart and much more mature girl from her age. But she knew now she was just a ‘scared of love type’ of girl. She did thought of moving on but moving on means to be with someone else. Over these four years the boys that claimed that they loved her only made her realize how weak she was. How boys take her as “available”, she hated this word.

She saw many examples of people falling in love, falling out of love, falling on their faces literally, her friends dumping her… her fake well-wishers…. And real frenemies… she noticed how much happened to her while she was busy being in love with someone who probably didn’t give a shit bout her.

Life gave her scars and each one came with a lesson, she took them all... One by one.

She realized how she might have actually lost 4 years of her life clinging onto a dream. But somehow that filmy, madly in love girl inside her gave her a feeling that something is wrong with Rahul. She just didn’t knew how to clear it out as he stopped updating anything online and that was the only way of stalking him. She realized how much she hated to be a stalker.  She decided to gather the courage and solve this shit. She dropped a message on his number she still remembered but didn’t know if he was still using it. He responded... a rude reply as always… butterflies weren’t there this time and she just wanted few answers from him…

She asked him what has she done… she wanted to know the reason of the guilt with which she was living from five years now... a guilt of something that she was not even aware about…  he told her he was in love with her ex and it wasn’t fare to Pia. She got her first answer... though it was given to her earlier too but she was fine with it now... he told her they were not together now... they never have been. She wanted him to be happy even if it meant to see him with someone else. He said he didn’t have time for all this and wanted to work on his career. She realized this was not the guy she knew. A guy who could leave his exam to meet a girl for the first time was turned into a guy who is serious about his career, guy who never slept before 6 in morning was now sleeping at 11 at night. She was sure now that something was wrong. She pushed him more. He refused to talk. She said she just wanted to meet and have her answers from his eyes because she could always read the truth in them… well she thought so…  he refused… called her insane and blocked her… and this was the end, she didn’t cry for him after being called insane. She knew she loved him but it was much more than she could take now. This was the moment where it came to her self-respect and sent one last message which she never believed she could send to him ever. A ‘bye’… she didn’t say goodbye coz there was nothing good about it… it was the end of her 5 months relationship which lasted for 5 years for her. She got her last conversation and realized this was missing from her breakup, her answers and the ending conversation that never happened

Pia was in bed… trying her best to sleep… somehow the whole weather thing brought her years old memories back to her. It was a hard day or rather a walk down her memory lane. She thought of the times when she felt that she was a psyco for 4 years and would laugh it off thinking and saying to herself “grow up Pia it was just a phase don’t be insane”

Remembering all the ‘goods’ and ‘bads’ that happened with her, she felt asleep thinking has she grown up yet.

 

The next morning was different. Sleep has its way with sadness. Pia was back to being the good, cheerful, ‘life is full of surprises just wait for them’ type of girl that she usually was.

She felt like having chocolate, this was one thing that has been faithful to her and even if it reminds her of someone it’s the one thing that’s still there for her.

Chocolate pastry it was… the best thing made in this world for a girl to celebrate her happiness and her sorrow.

She thought of yesterday and before and how she has grown up thinking at every stage about having enough lessons and there was nothing more to be learnt and how life has always played a prank just in time to teach a new one. While thinking all this the inner filmy girl spoke again and she smiled as life was just related to a chocolate pastry…

 

You are tempted to have one even though you should not… a chocolate pastry will always make you happy in the beginning, regret somewhere in the middle and a ‘thank god’ for letting you have one in the end.

Pia knew she has a long road ahead of her and some where she still thinks that she is smart, too mature for her age and a grownup already… life will keep on updating its flavors or firmware for better.

 

 

Life is a chocolate pastry, one can only hope that its baked well and just enjoy it while it lasts.


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