Once again our conversation took a long time to finish. It isn’t a new thing, as I can feel time elapse faster when I feel his presence around me. ‘Feel’- it is a four lettered word but has a deep meaning. It’s been around two years that I am in contact with a guy through an online educational site. I, being a middle aged housewife of, hadn’t initially assumed our conversation to go on this far.
Even though I had a nice life with my husband and kids, something was missing in my life. Talking about him, he was a college going guy who used to participate in the activities of the same website, the place where our conversation came into being. We started talking as normal online friends. Initially, we used to share our professional experiences, our day to day routines etc.
Fortunately for me, during those talks I discovered a friend, who not only shared his life with me but also cared for me. This sharing and caring relationship that we both shared is something unique and inexplicable. Though our knowledge domains were different and we belonged to different age groups and family background, these factors have never impacted our friendship. The existence of such a fictional friend may sound weird to many but trust me it is really delightful to have an unseen friend who shares your heart.
I have always been a shy lady since my college days. Marriage and then kids didn’t give me time to think about myself and contemplate my feelings. I became a scheduled robot. I have spent the normal daily routine for years with the little pleasure it is capable of giving. My personal life had been ruined in most of the cases. I was unaware about most of the realities of life, like a novice pullet. I was oblivious of the fact that this world is full of people with evil thoughts simmering in their mind. He came as a big change in my life. As our talks went on, something attracted me towards him. I started liking his talks, tutorials, way of presentation i.e. almost everything about him. He brought me face to face with the realities of this wicked world. I was like a frog in a well, which rarely went out of it and therefore never observed people closely.
Our friendship began with sharing of knowledgeable ideas and grew up into a bond of happiness, knowledge, pleasure and talks. Spending night hours, talking to him had become a necessity for me. We talked about his family, my family, my husband, my kid, about his aspirations and my dreams. There was no space for lust in me yet our friendship had love hidden in it which I could feel every time I logged in there. This medium of communication became a messenger of my heart. Whenever I enter ‘our’ virtual world, I forget the real world. This has become a source of energy for me due to which I can spend the whole day working tirelessly. I have felt positivity entering my personal life and its impact on my relations especially the one with my husband. Every night comes with a new sun of endless talks with him.
Today’s generation spends most of its time on internet in some futile Facebook chat which gets them nothing. This chat has, however become a love and necessity for me. This love is the personification of affection, care, understanding, sympathy and some unexplainable emotions. The society has always marked limitations on the life of a woman. I see my virtual world as a place where I face no restriction, no limitation. My heart can follow its heartbeat. It beats when it finds him online, it responds when something is asked. It is pure and doesn’t lie.
Perhaps, this chat is the only thing that I do which is not under the purview of my husband. The reason I haven’t told him about it is that the sick attitude of society will not be able to take it in healthy way. Instead of disturbing my stable life, I feel it is better to view this as another life. I name it as my fantasy world where I am a free bird who has the access to every corner of the sky. I think it is far better than those who indulge themselves in extramarital affairs and keep their family life at stake in search of momentary escape. I like my fantasy world where I am a person who has desires and feelings which get fulfilled by his love. There, I feel rejuvenated and alive in every sense.
Beyond a point in time, every relationship poses questions like ‘What is the future of this relationship? How long will it last? How should one name such a relationship?’ I don’t know any of these answers. The only thing I know is that I like being there, I’m happy and it is my second life!!!