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The Sinking Ship.
The Sinking Ship.

© Aayush Sikhwal

Drama Thriller Romance

7 Minutes   12.7K    400

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I am running as hard as I can for my life the ferocious lion closing in on me galloping hard, I can hear the footsteps clearly, my heart pumping like an engine, my legs are aching and I cannot keep up, my body is giving up, very soon I will be dead, torn apart by the lion and he would chew my bones to his satisfaction, the lion took the leap and he was about to drop his full weight on me when I hear the trademark nokia tune piercing my ears, I wake up, scared to death realising it was one of those horrifying dreams haunting me since my childhood.

I realise the weight on me was “Body’s” my roommate who travels all around the bed to wake up on the diametrically opposite side either on me or on “Roy”. I reach out to my phone checking whether my loving baby had dropped a missed call but there was none and I realised I have had a breakup a few weeks back, “You are by yourself now, mister” my baby’s voice saying to me, with foggy eyes I am searching for a cigarette but the effort is in vain, I can’t find any. It is time for my reserve pack of cigarettes. Lighting it up I take a deep breath taking the smoke in as if it was filling the vacuum created by her absence, I know it’s not her fault, she loved me, but family comes first. After I finish up the cigarette I look around and realise what a mess we created last night. The bottle of Blenders Pride lying around empty with an empty packs of cigarettes and some left over 'chaat'. We all where wasted last night, some by alcohol and some by weed.

At the distant corner of my room lies “Didi” my schoolmate cum college mate still unable to wakeup. I can remember fragments of him vomiting his guts out and almost fainting on his way to bed. Trying to wake them up is all but a waste of time-they can’t. Walking out of RBC-my hostel, I seriously need a tea for that hangover. I am thinking about the recent jokes of life and what on earth I have been doing to myself I have been drunk for the whole week. I am smelling of alcohol but of which type? That’s one question I can’t answer I have mixed a lot of varieties lately and I can’t dare look at my bank statement. Sipping tea at our very own “kakar dokan” talking to him about the latest headlines about a minister leaving the ruling party of West Bengal. I am not interested in this conversation but I can’t be rude to kaka-the owner of the tea shop. In the last three and a half years, I have become fluent in Bengali and obtained descent knowledge of the “bangal” language and in all the despair I am suddenly proud of myself for learning a new language in just over two months, but all that is a thing of past. I am a sinking ship now which is better abandoned lest it drowns you with itself, I am just the ashes of what I was.

My mind is not resting at all, its thinking constantly about the rejects from all the top management institutes after a 94.52% percentile in cat, the breakup, and disappointment from mu-sigma and the whole lot of companies which I couldn’t sit for, just because of my college’s name not being listed in their database, chosing a high ranking government engineering college in Bengal was a bad call. Its weird how the decorated Curriculum-vitae of mine, past academic record, state level Table tennis, was all but a waste. But suddenly my mind gives me a new reason to blame all the recent failures on “I am a Brahmin Marwari"-no reservation. All the hard work does not count. All that counts is a certificate to back up my percentile. But reservation is for a reason, a greater good. I hope but for the people without the need of it exploiting it to the limits and the needy still being where he was. I don’t think the so called greater good is accomplished.

Walking towards my room I can smell smoke, assuming safely 'Diesel' has woken up, I continued walking to bump in to him just besides my room. I can see the irascibility in his eyes for I had gone out alone, but I am sure he would understand my situation we have been best of friends for the past years, He knows me in and out. There is an eerie silence between us as I had been weeping like a sick child whole night and they were forbearing enough to let me. Breaking the ice, I enquired about others and he just nodded making me cognizant of the trouble I am in. They think I am suicidal and should not be left alone, in my echt opinion I really don’t know whether I am or not.

Ignoring the situation I go around doing my daily chores and as usual end up sitting at my desk juggling Far Cry 3 and DMC 5, planning and shooting original demons and the pseudo demon-Humans. These games make me feel myself again, I can’t keep track of time its already 8 o’clock and I am hungry for food for a change from my alcohol diet. I can’t help but think about her all the time. Alcohol numbs my senses and I can’t think about her, that gives me peace but gives a hard time to my liver for sure. But I hardly care, I am not thinking straight. I just want her thoughts to go away

But I can’t. I love her. A tear rolls down my cheek making my fair nose crimson,

“Don’t cry my baby, I love u too. But family comes first” I hear her voice in my subconscious,

I can’t help but say “I understand”

India is not a place to fall in love its a place were lovers are murdered for falling in love,

Parents are not friends they just act like your friends so that you share everything with them and they can be on the steering wheel of our life protecting their love for caste- hypocrites is probably the right world for her parents. I am browsing through our pictures thinking all this and probably I am drinking lately so that I am not in my sense and can be with her in my dreams and can hear her voice guiding me through this fucked up life of mine. Sitting at one corner of my hostel terrace, I am half bottle through with my influence of the night-Jack Daniels, my cell phone has not stopped ringing. It has over 50 missed calls from Diesel, Body, Didi and Roy, but I don’t want to talk to anyone. I am walking on the edge of the terrace, the cold air of December piercing my half unbuttoned shirt. I am thinking about my beautiful mum, supportive dad and  darling sister. My friends images playing in front of my eyes. I am thinking several things at a time. I don’t want this life anymore. I want to end it. I take a sip of alcohol throwing away the bottle and my cell phone.

I say out loud “I love you my baby” I am about to jump and I hear my baby saying,

“Please Aayush, I love you don’t do this” but I know she is not here, I am imagining her voice. This life is over for me. I pick up my cell phone again typing a message for my mum and my baby throwing it away I take a deep breath, my thoughts have stopped and I can’t hear her anymore, nothing is on my mind, I AM READY TO JUMP....

#romance #suicide #drama #love

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