I want to cry, I want to cry loud where there is no one around, where peace can inhale all my sorrows and what is left is just me and my bag full of happiness.
I was screaming inside, dying of pain, lose concentration, burden on head, juries to come and what am I doing is nothing.
No piece of work to do. Why because I am not getting the comfort I wanted to be in or I lost the one whom i always to be with.
Every morning I wake up with a hope, the monotony which was earlier, attains the track again. But was losing hope day by day.
Concentration was more over on the future, the dream and passion of earning money. For achieving those heights i need to cross these fumbling steps.
The way i could figure out to maintain the balance was to give myself a position in the economy. Not for giving others the realization but just for giving myself an importance which was lost among the crowd.
We came across every day, the fear was hidden inside my heart of losing. Of not letting myself speak in front .
I wanted to shout, suddenly i stop, i was in a dream that i thought could read my face .
"But I was wrong"
I was wrong that i was trying to find something in him, i was wrong that i thought he is the only made person who could understand me, the one who will be there for me always . I was wrong in sharing every bit of my life , i was wrong ..... I thought I would dedicate every single bit of myself to him .
(She was right,she told me never to trust any guy, she spent a lot of time with me and now I think she was far better, I should have trusted her in spite of wasting time on him. )
He was he , a selfish , aggressive person who is
just a fake advisor. Who dramatically took me to heaven and suddenly dropped me to hell. I tried convincing myself to call him back into my life, I was wanting him, I loved him from my whole heart but have lost all my strength.
Because whenever I wanted to talk to him, a phase comes in front of my eyes . Those lovely days where we were incomplete without one other. Those empty streets where we walked hand in hand. Cherishable moments, selecting gifts according of his choice and
he understood but he never understood . He loved me but his wordings kills me. He says he was kidding but till then things have rooted in my mind , i never came to know how should i react , am i so miserable that i couldnt live my life without the support that was never made for me.
I remember those nights when he use to leave me between the chats and he disappears making those stupid statements that force me to think about him for the whole night and the repent makes me cry.
It wasnt his fault , it was me who had felt in crazy love . College never came to me as an enthusiast , it became a habit to sit in the class , make a proxy, to think about him and then leave .
He tried convincing me, he tried to involve me again and again into his love. I couldn't stop and again I fell into the relationship. Yes it was a true love, we wanted to give everything to each other that we have but the uncertainty was in our perception, he was north and i south . He loves me as what i am, in what i wear now but i love to change .
I love to change " for myself " , but he could never interpret these words and hence misunderstandings comes in between .
We fought on this like for millions of time but this day is the end , I couldn't have my future with him .
Its better to leave people whom you aren't comfortable with , with whom your understanding couldn't take a fly.
She, my lovely friend, she was there to hold me on .