I Failed...

In India, the leap of the vastness of portion from 10th grade to 11th in academics is a huge one, especially in science. For me a girl who wanted to take up science and enjoy college life bunking and chilling around with friends. .. It doesn’t really work that way. College life was much more difficult than I had imagined and not kidding it was much more boring than school life. School life was really fun. To all the ones reading this if you are in school, you are living the best of your life. Although some of my friends had an awesome college life. Me? I had to start studying from day one and fear the board exams from the beginning of 11th grade because I was shocked seeing the portion which kept me wondering how will I score. (Excluding the Einsteins of our colleges who no matter what, always scored decently and I still don't know how did they manage that).

So yeah college began and eventually exams too… to me who had never tasted failure in academics in my entire life, failing was equivalent to a deep fall in everything; emotionally mentally and physically. I didn’t want to face anything and anyone. I wanted to sleep all day avoiding all the problems pretending they will be gone soon by magic. Little did I know that magic doesn't exist in real life when you grow older; but when you were a kid magic surely does exist, oh yeah!!! The tooth fairy left gifts and Santa still visited. So yeah back to the point- Failure… I was so irritated and discouraged I thought I wouldn’t be able to do anything now and that’s the harsh reality of my life. I’ll say I was too depressed for even a normal interaction with people and grew more distant and ignorant of my behaviour and relations with others. I had frequent arguments with friends and family for no reason, was angry most of the time, etc, etc, etc but somehow one day, I don’t know what happened; I started thinking a different way; in a different aspect. It was like those days when you suddenly have a strong urge to do get something done. Maybe it was because my family and teachers never pressurized me and were always supportive or maybe because my naive self finally learned that this is not the end but just the beginning of life’s mere hurdles. I really don’t know. But from that day onward I didn’t let my failures affect me in a negative way. I am not saying I became casual and careless about it; instead, I started taking everything in a positive way. Positive thinking has great power you know, be it a young kid or a fully grown adult or a teenager like me, positive thinking gives us inner peace and the spirit to widen our horizons. I started thriving on the criticism, took all the good things from everyone letting go of the negative emotions. It’s not easy, I don’t deny, it’s never easy to suddenly change your outlook on everything and look at things differently from the way you did in the past, but when you do; well my friend that’s the best decision you will ever take in your life. It will change you from within. The teachings of any religion, all self-help books preach the same thing- CHANGE YOURSELF FROM WITHIN AND YOUR WORLD WILL CHANGE ALONGSIDE. Cherish the little things in life like the smiles of your family, the dewdrops of dawn, the laughter of your friends, the koel bird’s song…… and most importantly let things take time. Grow at your own pace without comparing yourself with anyone else. Everyone has their own battle to fight.

These two years of college life made me more mature in many ways and I am content for whatever happened without any regrets. I didn’t want this writing to turn into a lecture but haha yeah it has become one. Anyway, all I wanted to say was that if you are going through a bad phase, keep holding on. It’s just a bad phase, not a bad life.