Love Me Another Day

I stared out of the bus window while the rain drizzled on to the glass pane... Watching the droplets race against each other, finally all of it amounting to futility as they collide and disappearing into each other losing their individuality. Life had gained a sense of notorious monotony to it, it made me feel suffocated in this dingy surroundings, surrounded by idiots and fools, like the ones throwing paper pieces at my head and taunting me by calling names like squint eyes. I no longer responded, I knew the futility of that. Eventually those Neanderthals would get distracted and move on. Mother, before she died of cancer, when I used to spend almost all my time with her, she used to say that my eyes where beautiful, that my squint was just the sign from God that i was special...my eyes watered as the memories rushed back...No not now..

My attention was caught when i noticed a discrepancy in the normal routine, the school bus was making an additional pick up today. I looked out the window and saw a girl in pony tails, carrying a Batman bag, waiting with an adult who was probably her Father. She had the most beautiful smile that I have only seen on one other person before, a smile that just brightened the whole room, that made you feel something warm and fuzzy deep inside ,a smile that refused to be defeated even by cancer.my mother's smiles and words are the only happy memories that remained with me now. Seeing a smile that made reminded me of that feel again, it awoke something in me, and through my cloud of apathy i took notice of the real world, focusing on that tiny hyperactive squirrel like girl with her wild hair and her wide grin.

She didn't wait for the bus to roll to a complete stop before she jumped inside, to the anguish and consternation of her parent. He tried scolding her but her smile was just too good-natured and Innocent that he was powerless against it. He waved his hand in fond farewell, as the girl waved back through the glass sliding doors of the school bus.

I couldn't see her anymore, and guessed that she took a seat somewhere in the front,melding in with the rest of them,for whom people like me are part of the furniture in any room.i looked out the window letting out a deep winding sigh as i thought about how people like me never becomes a priority for others,just a bothersome presence.

My thoughts were suddenly interrupted “hi,do you mind if I sit with you?” a set of pearly white teeth grinning down at me,and as I gaped in shock ,the girl sat down beside me taking my silence for acquiescence . Without much preamble she started off on a lengthy ramble. Soon I was given a crash course into the life of this fascinating specimen of the opposite gender,who went by the name Ashwati but preferred being called Achu. She used to live in New Delhi and had come here with her parents as part of a job transfer . Her parents are malayalis,but she hasn’t visited Kerala much ,her parents never felt the urge to,something about a love marriage and angry relatives. She loves animals,especially dogs,but is apparently scared of them also. Her favorite food is chocolate but she cant have too much of it on account of her migraine. Her parents travel a lot , so she has been to many places ,she herself preferring the forest and its greenery and sleeping under the starry night than the concrete forests of the city and the city lights.

It seemed to me that her torrent of words were inexhaustible and i was so engrossed in her words ,I never noticed that we had arrived at the school. The conspicuous lack of noise from the other kids caught my attention and I looked out the window to see the bus filled parking lot of our school. We were the only ones left,even the bus driver had left..wait if he left that means he locked the doors and that means we are stuck here,I let out an involuntary squeak ,hearing that she finally took notice of her surroundings and started laughing “you sound like a squirrel,you look like one too,with those huge round eyes and your two buck teeth sticking out” I was getting offended ,until “I like squirrels and I like you too,we will be friends” she decided for both of us,like it would be in our relationship from now on. She smiled that smile ,that magical smile and something warm flushed through me ,little did I know that ,the smile would be getting me into so much trouble in the days to come.

She took charge of the situation,she fit the role with such a naturality, and I followed her without question. She looked about her and walked about trying to see if any of the windows could be cranked open,but all of them were fastened shut ,immediately seeing the futility of it,she went to the back and just latched open the forbidden emergency door. I stood there awestruck and dumbfounded,the emergency door has been a source of endless fascination for me,I mean the amount of importance associated with that door,a door to be opened only in the direst of circumstances and I have imagined countless scenarios where I save the kids in my bus from an alien attack by guiding them through the emergency door,aliens send to assassinate me cause I was the lost prince of a great civilization. But I never actually thought I would ever be in a situation where the doors are opened. But I never counted on meeting this girl who just opened the door like any other door.

She was waiting for me to follow ,with a wide impish grin. I shook myself off from the reverie and I jumped down to join her on the gravelly parking lot. The old watchman came running ,shocked at seeing two imp like creatures emerging out of nowhere. He caught us both by the handle of our bags and started telling us off in incomprehensibly fast Hindi. I tried talking to him ,but the language barrier made negotiations difficult.

Suddenly out of nowhere,Achu started talking in proper Hindi and on hearing someone talk his native language spoken with correct grammatical syntax was music to his hairy ears. He soon came to understand what happened and he calmed down,letting us off the hook.he even deigned to accompany us to our classroom,though I think it was so he could get more time to converse with this fascinating little girl. They chatted the whole way, speaking so fast ,it was like watching a foreign movie without subtitles. But she never made me feel left out,somehow including me too. This girl has the diplomacy of an experienced politician and the charisma of Hugh Jackman.

We reached the classroom and before I could prepare myself for the incoming onslaught of insults and not so subtle threats,I was pulled into the the vortex without much of a warning by Achu. We came into a dead silent class ,they were all so still like statues ,scared stiff of the scary class teacher standing in front. Now when I say scary ,you guys probably imagine a thin,sharp nosed old hag with a reading spectacle kept vicariously on the edge of her nose. But this time the devil had possessed the body of a kindly looking ,rosy cheeked grandma,with curly short hair and huge spectacles that magnified her eyes,making it look like wide discs. But do not be fooled by her appearance,behind the cute grandma facade is the face of a soulless demon. Rumour has it that she eats bone marrow by breaking the brittle bones of little children and bathes in their blood. I don’t believe that one ,because I doubt she has ever bathed in her ife,judging from the reeking smell surrounding her.

At the sound of the door opening,her head turned slowly in a creepy way like the ghosts In horror movies. Achu didn’t yet notice the danger she was in and strode forth confidently towards the grandmotherly looking demon ,before I could pull her back.

“ Ma’am ,my name is Ashwathi.G ,I am the new transfer student supposed to join today . Sorry for being late Ma’am ,but what happened was…” she slowed down her rant,slowly it got through her thick skull that things weren’t going as expected. The old hag hadn’t moved a muscle, except for that throbbing vein on her forehead , like a ticking time bomb ,except that the bomb causes less damage. As expected ,she exploded ,it was horrible ,a war zone with no prisoners taken,soon even the ever cheerful Achu was on the verge if tears .We never could get a word in ,it wouldn’t have helped anyway with the spiteful old hag.

After what seemed like an eternity in hell,we were send to our seats. Achu chose to sit beside me and having company in misery ,made the scoldings more bearable. We looked at each other and smiled. There is that warm feeling in my heart again.it is so weird.classes were still boring as ever,but somehow this time they were more bearable than usual ,cause I had a friend! Amazing.

I could bore you with the growing up years,the transformation periods,the countless times times we got into trouble,under her guidance,the conversations,the arguments,the patch ups.

I would have told you all this ,but this isn't a novel and the writer is a lazy guy. So because my hands are tied,i skip forward a few years,to when we were on the cusp of entering legal adulthood, standing on the forking road of life about to choose the path to take.

Within these few years we had grown closer and became inseparable.we had also grown as individuals,she is now more sneakier in her mischief, so people generally mistook her for a stately mature quiet girl,a very beautiful quiet girl. She had become the heartthrob of countless boys and source of heartbreak for countless still. When I ask her why she rejects every single proposal that comes her way, she just tells me that the right one hasn't asked yet. Funny,cause in my case no one has asked ,to hell with the right one.

I also had another friend,called Raj and to this day I have no idea how our friendship happened, it is the most improbable occurrence. He is cool, handsome,popular and a jock and hence everything I am not. But somehow breaking all social norms he approached me one day with the offer to play some COD and despite my skepticism ,things actually worked out and we got along fine.he wasn't half as bad as expected,and we spend our time talking about comics and novels and debating about whether iron man or batman was better (of course batman is the best in every aspects, people who say otherwise needs to lay off of the weed). We became good friends.

So went my life , things were good,things were calm.i should have known it wouldn't last and so Raj decides to drop the bomb on me. He walked Upto me one day,looking all serious and grim "i need to talk to you about something,but before that I want to ask you about something and I want you to be truthful" okay he seems very serious, and I bit back by my usual sarcastic comments "shoot buddy,whats up" "is there..anything between you and Achu?Like are you guys an item?" I looked at him with wide eyes mostly taken aback from whom the question arose than the question itself. I have been asked this question by countless people in many different ways,veiled and direct,but that arose from people's narrow mindedness that a girl and boy can't be just friends,they just couldn't accept an alternate reality.i just never figured Raj to be one among those. I started laughing "oh come on dude,you know better than this,you have see our friendship.There is nothing between me and Achu more than just friendship,she sees me like a brother.now tell me why you are acting so weird" "i knew there was nothing between you guys but when people look at you guys and how well you guys get along,the chemistry,it's hard not to doubt atleast a little...I just wanted to make sure..Cause well..Dude the thing is..I have a crush on Achu,and I want to propose her.." i stood there stumped and suddenly i felt this tightening in my chest and hot coals being dropped into my stomach,that's weird,i should be happy,happy that my two best friends may get together and...And marry and have kids...Yeah i am happy,i am ..I must be coming down with some fever or something and so ignoring the uneasiness and clammy feeling in my stomach,i pasted a smile on my face "wow that's great buddy,you are an awesome guy and she will be really happy with you..So when are you going to tell her? " He smiled sheepishly "that's the thing..I want you to do some recon,see how she feels about me,i don't want to get rejected outright and also maybe you could put in some good words for me" "me ??No way! You have no idea how pissed she will be if she realises i was part of something like this" "oh come in dude,i really need your help"..And after a few minutes of begging and promises of expensive bribes,i sold my services, though I still feel I went too cheap.

We were both walking back from our coaching class and I was the designated chaperone for her as it has been since forever. I decided ,there was no time like now and started building up to do what I was paid for...But even as I was about to open my mouth something let wrong,like the words tasted bitter in my mouth before I said them and that clammy feeling had returned. The fever must be getting worse,have to eat a paracetamol after I get home.

"Da ,so tell me what you think about Raj" "huh,why that question out of the blue?..Raj..He is fine,a nice guy I guess. Why do you ask?" "Nothing much,i just wanted to know what you thought about him cause I get the feeling that.." suddenly my throat went dry, swallowing hard i went on "sorry..I think I am coming down with something, anyway I think he has a huge crush on you and you guys make a cute couple,i think you should go out with him."

I didn't notice that she had stopped walking and I had kept walking,I turned back to see her stand under the streetlamp ,half her face hidden by her long black tresses. Walking Upto her,i put my hand on her shoulder,she shrugged it off still keeping her head down. Dark pregnant rain clouds had rolled up and covered the moon, and there we stood under the streetlamp,silence all around us except for the light rumbling of the clouds.

In a very low voice she said "you really think we should go out?You really won't have any problem with that?.." I was taken aback by the tone in her voice "look ,what I want doesn't matter,it's your choice,your happiness.anyway you keep telling me about Mr.right and I just thought Raj would treat you right . He is perfect in all counts,good looking ,smart and he plays the guitar" "oh so you are going to decide who is perfect for me now?How dare you!!What makes you think I don't have the mental faculty to decide for myself. Also for your information ,I am already in love with someone, just that idiot doesn't know he is too" the raindrops had started falling,but I didn't care "huh...You are in love..When ..How..Who.." "okay ,I will tell you ,you dumb squirrel.it's you,it's always been you...Now wipe that open mouthed look of shock on your face and talk to me when you have grown a little bit more mature" with that she walked off.

My heart beat faster,my stomach opened up it's own butterfly sanctuary,my mouth was wide open and that was dumb cause I drank a lot of rainwater that way,but I didn't care.did i hear her right.did she say she loves me.meeeeee.

My thoughts raced back to the past.when I first broke down in front of her and told her about my mother who died of cancer,how she consoled me.how we found solace in each other's company.how we are equally comfortable spending hours talking about everything and nothing and similarly sit simply beside each other,silence making the best conversation, enjoying each other's mere presence.how we exulted in each other's achievements and consoled the other in their hard times.how we would have passionate screaming matches while arguing ,but always having the assurance of a patch up afterwards.how she understands all that I say and even the things left unsaid.how her voice can calm my worst anxiety attacks. how the idea of losing her is so damm scary ,it gives me mini heart attacks just thinking about it.

So there i stood in the rain watching her walk away,there i stood under the streetlamp's grubby lighting with raindrops pittering and pattering around me,there i stood as I fell for her hopelessly and irreversibly.i didn't fight it,i couldn't,i was as helpless as a boat caught in an awesome huge tidal wave,all I could do was stare in awe as the feelings washed over me.

Love, relationship ,a life partner...These were things I scoffed at.i ridiculed the idea of true love and soul mates.why would I want to spend my Money on some one else on a day named after a guy who was actually married of 13 year old girls to old perverted assholes,for those tubelights out there,i am talking about valentines day.

Okay fine I am lying.I am a hopeless romantic to the smallest molecule in my body.I watch sappy romantic movies and cry when they get their happy ending.i get inconsolable when couples in a story break up or fight.I make secret imaginary pairings with almost all my friends and acquaintances and think of myself as a modern day cupid puppet master working behind the scenes to get people together.I have had multiple gazillion crushes..But I have never fallen in love.i have never experienced that feeling which is like getting punched so hard that all your breathe leaves your body and it feels like their are endless amount of butterflies erupting out in your stomach ,all cause that person told you a hi. I may adore the idea of true love ,but I am so damm afraid of love cause I am afraid of losing that person,i am afraid of the hurt.

But I guess some things are worth the risk.some people are worth it. I know what I have to do.i ran behind her.

"Heyy..Wait upp" she didn't slow down in the least.I finally caught up with her ,huffing and puffing , making a mental note to go to the gym. I looked at her,and saw her in a light i have never seen before.the rain drops clinging to her long straight hair.her eyes shining in the light of the streetlamps that we passed under,her beautiful brown eyes that glinted in the streetlight and turned into a river of chocolate,her eyes in which I could just drown myself in,her beautiful wonderful eyes. The slight smile that played on her lips send flutters down my body. Why haven't i noticed all this before,i must have been blind.

"I liked you too much to risk us by falling in love with you.what if things didn't work out,what if you didn't see me that way...What if...So many what ifs..But I don't care about that any more,what ever happens in the future we will figure out together,all that matters is that we will be together.. I love you Achu ,with all my heart and I will continue to do so until my last breathe " she smiled "shut up and kiss me idiot".

After what seemed like a whole life time that I spend in her arms,we resumed walking.my phone was ringing continuously,I wanted to ignore it but then took it out to see the name Raj on my caller ID. Through the haze in my mind produced by my happiness I vaguely remembered certain bribes and my initial mission for the sake of a friend." Oh fu..."