The Secret

With time Vibha’s memories failed her and she does not clearly remember a time without her husband. But, some of the things she can never forget. She and her husband are married for 56 years now but he is still as quiet as he was when they got married. Vibha did not have love for him. She in fact, had a deep respect for him for what he had done for her. Vibha and her husband do not talk about everything as couples do now. Vibha has not been able to cross some barriers with him, despite having raised three sons and two daughters with him. Her daughters make fun of her because she has never raised her voice against their father and they find it strange.

In their times, it was a little out of fashion to meet the groom on the day of the marriage, but that is how things happened with Vibha. In fact, her story is very strange. She was very poor in English and their neighbor, just a few years older to her, would come to teach her. Raunaq being the only man outside Vibha’s family, she was in touch with, they developed an affair of sorts. Vibha had even on two occasions run away from her home to meet him and his friends. The moment her family got a whiff of it, they got her married off. Raunaq’s family sent him to London to study. She was devastated but she did expect something just like that.

The only part that Vibha liked about her marriage was that she would not have to study. And remember she had said, that she met her groom on her wedding day? He turned out to be one of the friends of her English teacher. It will be difficult to imagine what would have been going on in her mind. He would have had created a fuss. Or even beaten her later on. He could have embarrassed her family and could have sent her back home. But, he pretended he had no idea, about that secret. She has still not spoken to him about it. All these years, both of them have never broached the topic.

Once, after her first son was born, her English teacher came to visit his friend. Seeing her nursing his child, he was shocked. He spoke as if nothing had happened. My husband behaved as if nothing had happened. But she never saw her English teacher again, after that.

Her husband was an excellent professor of philosophy, who had completed his doctorate degree. Vibha travelled all over India with him as he taught in the University of Bombay, in the University of Lucknow and was the principal of colleges in Delhi and Chennai. It was only after his retirement that they came back to Calcutta. She has never stayed in her parent’s house even for a single night, although her parents came to visit her and stayed with her. Her mother never insisted and was even averse to the idea once she mentioned it. Vibha’s children had stayed in her parent’s house but not she. In fact, the few times that she went there for lunch, her husband accompanied her.

Her husband was otherwise kind to her. He taught her English very well and Vibha did a distance course in library science. She got her degree the same year her son passed his matriculation exam. She has worked in school libraries and has taught in junior classes and that was something none of her cousins had done. She sent the money she earned from this job to her mother, and that made her very emotional. Well, she didn’t want to but her husband did not let her spend the money she earned, for that would mean, he couldn’t provide. She has never argued with her husband. But after working for a few years, she did not feel like working any more. Managing five children was no easy work even if one had servants and there were relatives who always dropped in.

Whenever she is alone, and when Raunaq is around, she often feels like asking him about the secret that they have. She wanted to know how he felt. If he had known it was her she had consented to marrying or whether he realized it on their wedding day. But he had a heart attack once. What if he got it again on her broaching the topic after so many years? This is something that she would have to take to her grave.