Helpless Father

Today also I struggled to catch sleep at night. It’s quite normal for me now. The underlying cause was my poverty. Being a rickshaw puller, I hardly earned my family’s livelihood. At that stage, I was not in a position to afford high coaching fees for preparation of engineering exams for my son. And I sensed that coaching was a must for my son to prepare in a guided and structured way. My last hope to sell the piece of ancestral land also died as my brother didn’t agree on that.

My son scored second highest marks in the entrance test at coaching institute. He had a sharp mind and was a brilliant boy. But the scarcity of resources might destine him to pull rickshaw in future. I had a terribly heavy heart. “Oh God! Why did you make us poor? What I am living for, I cannot give enough resources to my son, I am the most helpless father in this whole world.”

Next day, when a passenger asked me to drop him at his destination, I was wiping my tears, which he noticed, but ignored when I tried to hide.

After a few minutes, he couldn’t stop himself asking “You look sad, is everything OK?”

I didn’t want to cry out, but tears did their part. I wanted to tell him “I am such a father, who can’t afford for my only son’s education even after knowing that he is a brilliant child, he can do wonders if proper resources are provided to him.” But I didn’t say anything, as I knew, he would not understand the pain of poverty.

He broke silence, said “I know, there is something that is hurting you. Something is with me too. You know, I have a son, my only son. In my busy schedule, I couldn’t give proper attention to him, he fell in company of bad people. When I tried to stop him, he left the house and started living with those people. He stopped listening to me at all. What I feared has come upon him; what I dreaded has happened to him. He committed a crime, after that he came to me with a hope that his father will save him. But I could not do that, my morals didn’t let me do. I got him arrested myself. I am not sure if I lost my son that day or much before. I feel so very helpless.”

My tears dried up. I realized that I was not the only one who had the pain in life, there is another person with more pain than mine.