MAYBE
MAYBE
Maybe, I was never meant to stay. I have always loved walking away after claiming souls, making them mine and leaving a mark behind. I’ve always liked to chase memories out of everyone. The distance between us seems to be minimal, but still a walk of a lifetime for me. Because, for every step you take towards me, I take a step back.
I remember our first talks, I remember how you liked the way I would listen to your days and nights and try to soothe your pain. You liked that I tried; you believed that I was the perfect one for you and I would never fail you. You knew I was a farce, and you still liked to believe that I was what I am with you. You knew that I did not like to put even a single cube of sugar in my coffee; I liked it dark and bitter. I laughed it off every time you asked me the reason to it, because hey, I could not tell you the reason to my sanity and what reflects my soul.
The white sandals of yours sliding through your toes, your hair a ting of brown in the harsh sun which made your skin glow, the way you scrunched your eyes when we took a walk against the wind, It was very hard to let all of it go. But you know I had to. And you could not do anything when I left. You just stood there hugging yourself, because you knew I couldn’t anymore. I wish you knew more.
I wish you knew why I considered laughs after 3 am were of sadness, why the thorns thirst for my blood, why every time I looked into the distance while we hugged was because that was exactly how I felt about us, aimless and distant. I did not mean to be like that, I wanted us to work more than I wanted anything else, but you knew it was only a matter of time. You knew and you wished to believe otherwise.
Maybe, if you asked me to stay one more time, I would have. I would have stayed back because of how I knew this feeling of guilt would crush me to feel the pain you felt when I left you all by yourself knowing that if I ever turned around and looked back you would still be waiting for me with hopes in your eyes.
Maybe, you would never understand me. Maybe, I was an open book but written only in a language foreign to you.
Maybe, I could be fixed if I stayed. Maybe, we’d have a future.