Nevermore

It all begins with the thought, that one wild thought which disagrees with your heart and soul. After all, when you are young and living in dismay – you chose adventure to offer your mind and body some relief. 

It all started with the little expedition, unplanned and unforgettable. You walked in an alley, there were women with big bosom, children in dirty clothes, the stench of piss on a street, and when you looked up – the nebulous red lights were enchanting. There was nobody who cared whether you were the king or a slave; for you, at that moment, they all existed for some unknown common purpose. You walked through them…you walked alone until you reached the point where the air was clean and from the distance that  you could only see silhouettes of men and women closing the windows.  

The isolation wrap arms around you; the warmth of isolation is like your mother’s womb. You change the road you are on; the new path has many rough patches. Remember your first speeding ticket, your first high when marijuana hit your senses and you entered into a different world when you heard Freddie Mercury for the first time—those lines echoed in your ear “Is this a real life / or just the fantasy?” It made you melancholic but you burst with energy when Brian May played solo.

You never called it a crime—you called them adventures. Beating the weaker school kid to release your aggression, stealing money and sleeping with the whores, injecting drugs, etc. It emancipated you. 

These feelings are malevolent and capricious in nature. They make you someone else. You were the king of petty crimes, the name and fame was yours. Retrospectively, you started all this for the sake of fun. You were never arrested, impunity was granted time and again. The time came when the little monster inside you took a shape of the behemoth.

The timid interviewer sat with a pen and paper, the camera-man behind him holding the camera steady to capture one candid moment. The interviewer wanted to close interview with the last question, in his raspy and slight shaky voice, he asked him “Are you happy now?”

Nevermore, he replied.