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Who Am I?
Who Am I?

© Himanshi Aggarwal


5 Minutes   21.6K    319

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“No… I can’t,” said I sitting on the roof of our two story house with my brother.

“And what makes you think that?” he asked turning towards me.

“I don’t know. I’m scared?”

“Psychology says, ‘always go with the choice that scares you the most as that is the one that’s going to help you grow.’”

“But...what if I-” I started to say.

“What if you don’t succeed? Dude, ifs and buts don’t let you live. They are always there, but sometimes the thing is to grow beyond them. Also, you are never gonna be 100% ready and it’s never going to be just the right time but that’s the point. That also means that each moment is also the right moment. If you want it, risk it. Life’s too short, my friend, and happiness has become too rare.”

I stared at him, confused.

“So,” I said after a while, “you mean…” He nodded a yes.

“Okay then, if you insist.”

“By the way,” I said looking at the sun set, “Where had you read all that from?” And then turned towards him.

With a smirk he said, “Google, of course.” And then we sat there, watching the sun set, giggling and laughing as if there’s no tomorrow.

“I love you, you know.” I said before leaving for my journey.

“Even more.” Said he and kissed me on the forehead. “I’ll miss you and all the best. Go ahead and live the best days of your life.”

I smiled a little and with tearful eyes I said, “I’ll miss you too and thank you so much for helping me get back to my lost dreams.”

Then, I bid adieu to my brother, quit my job and went on the conquest of conquering my dream of watching the sun set in all corners of the world. So that after years when I’m at the death bed I can smile at life as it smiles back and proudly say, ‘I’ve lived all the days of my life.’ I knew back then too that hardships are going to block my way because the most beautiful destinations usually have husky ways.

After more than 20 years of endless travelling and learning, as I was sitting on a beautiful beach enjoying watching the tides roll in and listening to the sea murmur, a little Chinese girl came to me and asked me about who I was.

Confused, I tried to collect all the memories that I had made. I’d travelled for years and with each journey learnt and discovered new things.  I’d gone to faraway places and seen the miracles of the world. I had sat with new and different people, listened to their stories, learnt from their mistakes, laughed and cried along. I’d seen life at both, its best and its worst. And had also understood the famous quote by Paulo Coelho, ‘when I had nothing to lose, I had everything. When I stopped being who I am, I found myself.’  I’d lost myself and found life. I’d seen sunrise and sunsets at different places, each time attaining a new and more beautiful experience and a new lesson that life taught. I’d seen certain people dance as life threw lemons at them, while others cried despite having the luxuries people pray for. I’d discovered how to differentiate between the transient and the enduring. I’d learnt to laugh along as everybody laughed at me. I’d found hope in the darkest of nights and stayed awake in the longest of nights. I was not a poet but I’d written the most beautiful of poems and despite being a carefree person cried all nights. I’d knelt down in the most dreadful of nights to thank whatever gods maybe, cause once, I had experienced light. I’d traveled across mountains barefoot, not wounding myself but hurting myself while I was in full armour, to protect my life. I’d learnt to enjoy the uncertainty of life because sometimes it’s in that one question mark, where life’s true beauty lies. I enjoyed the fire that constantly burnt inside me, never letting me down. I had finally understood how paradoxically life worked. From a person who used to just survive, I had turned myself into a wind full of life. I am like this fire that burns inside me, I am like the beautiful gleam in eyes, I am similar to the clouds those touch the sky, I am like the sea that doesn’t know how to settle, I am like this dream that knows no bounds, I am like the wind that is so carefree, I am like the earth, that revolves around and I am also like love that has the power to change the world.

Who am I? I’ve turned into an entire universe from the petite human that I used to be. I’m all these wounds that once covered my soul, I am the joys I share with the gods in people I meet. I’m not just made up of a body; I’m comprised of infinite thoughts and dreams. I am the book I read and the people I meet. I am the stories which I have lived and the experiences that threw the reality back on me and taught me and allowed my heart to beat.

“Who are you?” the little girl asked again, bringing me back from the ocean of my own thoughts. I placed a hand on her shoulder and opened my mouth to say something, but I just didn’t know what to say!

Life Me Confusion

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